S04E03 - The Zazzy Substitution

No: 66  |  Season: 4   Episode: 3  |  Air Date: 2010-10-07  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: This is Enrico Fermi, Richard Feynman, Edward Teller, Otto Frisch, and Zazzles. Leonard: Zazzles? Sheldon: I was going to name him Herman von Helmholtz, but he's so zazzy.

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Summary

Following his 'breakup' with Amy, the gang become concerned with Sheldon's obsessive search for non-human companionship and call his mother to intervene.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Bill Prady & Jim Reynolds / Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Steven Molaro & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S04E03 - The Zazzy Substitution

Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon... I hear you broke up with Amy.
Sheldon: A breakup would imply she was my girlfriend. She was a girl who was my friend who is now a girl who is not my friend.
Penny: Wow. That's like the worst country song ever.

Amy: Your mother thinks you might be losing your mind over me. As a neurobiologist, I was curious.

Sheldon: Are you suggesting the work of a neurobiologist, like Babinski could ever rise to the significance of a physicist, like Clerk Maxwell or Dirac?
Amy: I'm stating it outright. Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast and defecates Clerk Maxwell.

Amy: Why is she not taking our order?
Sheldon: I should have warned you. One has to navigate a labyrinth of social nonsense before one can be fed here.
Amy: Really? I assumed an establishment called the Cheesecake Factory would function more efficiently.
Sheldon: It's how they lure you in. I believe it's called bait and switch

Amy: I'm curious as to why we're not eating alone.
Sheldon: They can't function without me. I'm the social glue that holds this little group together.

Penny: Hey Look, it's Shamy.
Amy: Shamy?
Sheldon: Juvenile amalgamation of our names. Sheldon, Amy. Shamy.
Amy: Oh. I don't like that. Don't do that.
Penny: (laughing nervously) All righty. What's new?
Amy: Well, just recently I learned that you refer to us as Shamy, and I don't like that.
Penny: I got that. What I was going for was, you know, how is your life?
Amy: Just like everyone else's. Subject to entropy, decay, and eventual death. Thank you for asking.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, sit down. Let's talk.
Sheldon: All right. But you're not fooling me. Whenever you say we have to talk it means you want me to listen.
Mary Cooper: Then stop talking.
Sheldon: Yes ma'am.

Raj: Potty is innocent. Potty is adorable.
Howard: (mocking) What do you do in the potty, wee-wee?
Raj: If I don't have to boom-boom.

Amy: Absolutely not. My colleagues and I are mapping the neurological substrates that subserve global information processing, which is required for all cognitive reasoning, including scientific inquiry, making my research ipso facto prior in the ordo cognoscendi. That means it's better than his research, and by extension, of course, yours.

Leonard: Cats, Sheldon. You're clearly upset about Amy being gone, and you're trying to replace her with a bunch of cats.
Sheldon: Clowder.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: A group of cats is a clowder. Or a glaring.
Leonard: Okay, yeah, fine.
Sheldon: It's the kind of thing you ought to know now that we have one.

Leonard: So, this is nice. First time we've all gotten together to eat.
Amy: (to Sheldon) You're right. He's a festival of humdrum chit-chat.
Leonard: Okay, that's all I got. Howard, you're up.
Howard: Um, tell us about your work, Amy.
Amy: I doubt you'd understand. Sheldon tells me you only have a master's degree.

Sheldon: Cats make wonderful companions. They don't argue or question my intellectual authority...

Sheldon: In a world where mankind is ruled by a giant intelligent beaver, what food is no longer consumed?
Leonard: Uh... a BLT where the B stands for beaver? I don't know.
Sheldon: Leonard, be serious. We're playing a game here.
Leonard: I can figure this out, let's see. Um... well, beavers eat tree bark. The only tree bark I know that humans consume is cinnamon, so I'll say cinnamon.
Sheldon: Incorrect. Obviously, the answer is cheese Danish.
Leonard: What?
Amy: In a world ruled by a giant beaver, mankind builds many dams to please the beaver overlord. The low-lying city of Copenhagen is flooded, thousands die. Devastated, the Danes never invent their namesake pastry. How does one miss that?

Amy: I love cats. They're the epitome of indifference.

Amy: In a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets, who wins the Second World War?
Sheldon: Uganda.
Amy: Defend.
Sheldon: Kenya rises to power on the export of rhinoceroses. A central African power block is formed, colonizing North Africa and Europe. When war breaks out, no one can afford the luxury of a rhino. Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs.
Amy: Correct. My turn.
Sheldon: In a world where a piano is a weapon, not a musical instrument, on what does Scott Joplin play the "Maple Leaf Rag"?
Amy: Tuned bayonets.
Sheldon: Defend.
Amy: Isn't it obvious?
Sheldon: You're right. My apologies.
Leonard: What the hell are you guys playing?

Mary Cooper: He thinks he's such a smarty pants. He's no different from any man. You tell 'em not to do something, that's all they want to do. If I hadn't told my brother Stumpy not to clear out the wood chipper by hand, we'd still be callin' him Edward.

Leonard: Amy is judgmental, sanctimonious, and frankly, just obnoxious.
Sheldon: So?
Leonard: So we already have you for all that.

Mary Cooper: Yeah, I get it. You got a lot of cats and you gave 'em cute Jewish names.
Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Mary Cooper: Leonard called, and he said that you were pining for a young lady.
Sheldon: Oh, that's preposterous. I'm not pining over anyone.
Mary Cooper: Oh, lamb chop, we can quibble what to call it, but I think we can both agree it's creepy.

Amy: Perhaps it would be kinder to play a game more suited to his abilities. We'll close our eyes and count to ten while you hide.
Leonard: I'm going to my room.
Amy: Very good, Leonard. But next time, don't tell us where you're hiding.

Sheldon: I brought Amy here to show her some of the work I'm doing.
Amy: It's very impressive, for theoretical work.
Sheldon: Do I detect a hint of condescension?
Amy: I'm sorry. Was I being too subtle? I meant compared to the real-world applications of neurobiology, theoretical physics is, what's the word I'm looking for? Hmm, cute.

Howard: Women, huh? Can't live with them, can't successfully refute their hypotheses.

Leonard: (sees Sheldon and Amy at the cafeteria) Oh no.
Howard: What?
Leonard: John and Yoko.
Howard: More like Yoko and Yoko.

Sheldon: Alright, fellas, who's in the mood for Fancy Feast?
(opens can and dumps it in a dish)
Sheldon: Well that's not fancy at all.

Penny: (about Raj) God, he's an ass when he drinks.
Howard: He's an ass when he doesn't. You just don't hear it.

Notes and Trivia

Jim Parsons has revealed in an interview that he, much like Sheldon, is allergic to cats.

The title refers to the cat named Zazzles (whom Sheldon thinks is Zazzy) that he gets to replace Amy in his life after they break up.

Goofs

None

Cast

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