S04E07 - The Apology Insufficiency

No: 70  |  Season: 4   Episode: 7  |  Air Date: 2010-11-04  |  Runtime: mins

Summary

An FBI agent interviews the guys when Howard needs to obtain a security clearance.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Maria Ferrari / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Steven Molaro & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S04E07 - The Apology Insufficiency

Quotes

Howard: I see. Well, it's good to know, when I need you guys, I can always count on you to step up and ruin everything.

Penny: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I have troubles, Penny. I've come to pour them out to the sympathetic ear of the local barkeep.
Penny: You know, they have a really nice bar over at the Olive Garden.
Sheldon: I don't like the Olive Garden. They treat me like family.

Sheldon: Penny, you face failure on a daily basis. How do you cope?
Penny: I drink...

Raj: Sheldon, I want you to meet Neil deGrasse Tyson from the Hayden Planetarium in New York.
Sheldon: I'm quite familiar with Dr. Tyson. He's responsible for the demotion of Pluto from planetary status. I liked Pluto. Ergo, I do not like you.
Neil deGrasse Tyson: But I actually didn't demote Pluto. That was a vote of the International Astronomical Union.
Sheldon: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Think about that, Dr. Tyson.

Raj: Oh, there it is. Here comes a cavity search.
FBI Special Agent Angela Page: Excuse me?
Raj: Please don't send me back to India; it's so crowded! It's like the whole country is one endless Comic-Con, except everybody's wearing the same costume: Indian Guy.
FBI Special Agent Angela Page: Dr. Koothrappali, I'm not...
Raj: I love this country! The-the baseball, the freedom, the rampant morbid obesity! From California to the New York Island! I'm a real Yankee Doodle boy!

(there's a knock at the apartment door)
Leonard: Want to get that?
Sheldon: Not particularly.
Leonard: Could you get that?
Sheldon: I suppose I *could* if I were asked.
Leonard: Would you please get that!
Sheldon: Of course. Why do you have to make things so complicated?

Sheldon: You say you're Special Agent Page, FBI.
FBI Special Agent Angela Page: Here's my I.D.
Sheldon: And here is my Justice League membership card. But that doesn't prove I know Batman.

Raj: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't want to speak to the FBI!
Leonard: Why not?
Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny.
Howard: They're just doing a background check on me.
Raj: It doesn't matter. They'll find a reason to give me a one-way ticket back to Gandhi-ville. By the way, when I say that, it's not offensive.
Leonard: Don't be ridiculous, Raj. You're here legally.
Raj: Nobody cares. Do you know how long it's been since I got through airport security without being given a colonoscopy?

Sheldon: I have been riddled with guilt, which is causing Gorn-infested REM sleep.

Leonard: No, seriously, I think I've finally figured out my problem with women.
Sheldon: The capybara is the largest member of the rodent family.
Leonard: What does that have to with me and women?
Sheldon: Nothing. It was a desperate attempt to introduce an alternate topic of conversation.

Penny: I'm sorry, honey, I don't know milliliters.
Sheldon: Ah. Blame President James "Jimmy" Carter. He started America on a path to the metric system but then just gave up. He wonders why he was a one-term president.

Howard: You're giving me a couch cushion?
Sheldon: No, the cushion is merely symbolic. I'm giving you my spot on the couch.
Sheldon: But you love that spot.
Howard: No. I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater. It is the singular location in space around which revolves my entire universe. And now it's yours.

Sheldon: Would you be interested in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz once snuck onto my World of Warcraft account and changed the name of a certain level-80 warlock from Sheldor to Smeldor?

Sheldon: You know, I try very hard to make our lunch hours educational and informative, but your insistence on talking about your own lives stymies me at every turn.
Leonard: Fine, Sheldon, tell us about your giant rodents.
Sheldon: No, you squandered your time with me, and the moment has now passed. Feast on your disappointment, much as the capybara feasts on its own waste!

Leonard: I'm an experimental physicist. You know, one of those guys who examines the building blocks of creation and says, "Hello, Maker of the Universe. I see what you did there. Good one."

Sheldon: So you're saying my insomnia is caused by a guilty conscience.
Leonard: Actually, you don't have insomnia. You're sleeping now.
Sheldon: Excuse me?
Leonard: You're having a guilt-ridden dream.
Sheldon: Do you have any evidence to support that hypothesis?
Leonard: How about that Gorn sitting on the couch.
(the Gorn waves)
Sheldon: That seems fairly conclusive.

Howard: I gotta tell you, Sheldon, I understand why you chose this spot. I mean: the temperature is good but there's no draft, I can see the television but I can still talk th...
Sheldon: I changed my mind; get out of my spot!
Penny: How long?
Leonard: Ninety-four seconds.

Leonard: What are you doing up?
Sheldon: Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
Leonard: Really? Maybe sleep has met you before.

Sheldon: Howard. The person at fault for you not getting a security clearance is me.
Howard: You?
Sheldon: Yes, but before you get upset, I want you to know I went to the FBI and retracted my statement.
Howard: And they were okay with that?
Sheldon: No. If anything, I made it worse.

Notes and Trivia

Howard's middle name, Joel, is revealed in this episode.

Kaley Cuoco appears in two scenes: in one, she is filmed standing behind the bar at the Cheesecake Factory, and in the second, she sits in the gang's living room behind a table. This was to hide her broken leg due to a horseback riding accident.

This is the second time that Penny tries to get rid of a customer at the Cheesecake Factory by suggesting they go to the Olive Garden instead, after The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification (2010).

Goofs

None

Cast

Johnny GaleckiLeonard Hofstadter
Jim ParsonsSheldon Cooper
Kaley CuocoPenny
Simon HelbergHoward Wolowitz
Kunal NayyarRaj Koothrappali
Eliza DushkuFBI Special Agent Angela Page
Neil deGrasse TysonNeil deGrasse Tyson