S04E07 - The Apology Insufficiency

No: 70  |  Season: 4   Episode: 7  |  Air Date: 2010-11-04  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: You say you're Special Agent Page, FBI. Page: Here's my I.D. Sheldon: And here is my Justice League membership card. But that doesn't prove I know Batman.

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Summary

An FBI agent interviews the guys when Howard needs to obtain a security clearance.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Maria Ferrari / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Steven Molaro & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S04E07 - The Apology Insufficiency

Quotes

Howard: I see. Well, it's good to know, when I need you guys, I can always count on you to step up and ruin everything.

Penny: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I have troubles, Penny. I've come to pour them out to the sympathetic ear of the local barkeep.
Penny: You know, they have a really nice bar over at the Olive Garden.
Sheldon: I don't like the Olive Garden. They treat me like family.

Sheldon: Penny, you face failure on a daily basis. How do you cope?
Penny: I drink...

Raj: Sheldon, I want you to meet Neil deGrasse Tyson from the Hayden Planetarium in New York.
Sheldon: I'm quite familiar with Dr. Tyson. He's responsible for the demotion of Pluto from planetary status. I liked Pluto. Ergo, I do not like you.
Neil deGrasse Tyson: But I actually didn't demote Pluto. That was a vote of the International Astronomical Union.
Sheldon: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Think about that, Dr. Tyson.

Raj: Oh, there it is. Here comes a cavity search.
FBI Special Agent Angela Page: Excuse me?
Raj: Please don't send me back to India; it's so crowded! It's like the whole country is one endless Comic-Con, except everybody's wearing the same costume: Indian Guy.
FBI Special Agent Angela Page: Dr. Koothrappali, I'm not...
Raj: I love this country! The-the baseball, the freedom, the rampant morbid obesity! From California to the New York Island! I'm a real Yankee Doodle boy!

(there's a knock at the apartment door)
Leonard: Want to get that?
Sheldon: Not particularly.
Leonard: Could you get that?
Sheldon: I suppose I *could* if I were asked.
Leonard: Would you please get that!
Sheldon: Of course. Why do you have to make things so complicated?

Sheldon: You say you're Special Agent Page, FBI.
FBI Special Agent Angela Page: Here's my I.D.
Sheldon: And here is my Justice League membership card. But that doesn't prove I know Batman.

Raj: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't want to speak to the FBI!
Leonard: Why not?
Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny.
Howard: They're just doing a background check on me.
Raj: It doesn't matter. They'll find a reason to give me a one-way ticket back to Gandhi-ville. By the way, when I say that, it's not offensive.
Leonard: Don't be ridiculous, Raj. You're here legally.
Raj: Nobody cares. Do you know how long it's been since I got through airport security without being given a colonoscopy?

Sheldon: I have been riddled with guilt, which is causing Gorn-infested REM sleep.

Leonard: No, seriously, I think I've finally figured out my problem with women.
Sheldon: The capybara is the largest member of the rodent family.
Leonard: What does that have to with me and women?
Sheldon: Nothing. It was a desperate attempt to introduce an alternate topic of conversation.

Penny: I'm sorry, honey, I don't know milliliters.
Sheldon: Ah. Blame President James "Jimmy" Carter. He started America on a path to the metric system but then just gave up. He wonders why he was a one-term president.

Howard: You're giving me a couch cushion?
Sheldon: No, the cushion is merely symbolic. I'm giving you my spot on the couch.
Sheldon: But you love that spot.
Howard: No. I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater. It is the singular location in space around which revolves my entire universe. And now it's yours.

Sheldon: Would you be interested in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz once snuck onto my World of Warcraft account and changed the name of a certain level-80 warlock from Sheldor to Smeldor?

Sheldon: You know, I try very hard to make our lunch hours educational and informative, but your insistence on talking about your own lives stymies me at every turn.
Leonard: Fine, Sheldon, tell us about your giant rodents.
Sheldon: No, you squandered your time with me, and the moment has now passed. Feast on your disappointment, much as the capybara feasts on its own waste!

Leonard: I'm an experimental physicist. You know, one of those guys who examines the building blocks of creation and says, "Hello, Maker of the Universe. I see what you did there. Good one."

Sheldon: So you're saying my insomnia is caused by a guilty conscience.
Leonard: Actually, you don't have insomnia. You're sleeping now.
Sheldon: Excuse me?
Leonard: You're having a guilt-ridden dream.
Sheldon: Do you have any evidence to support that hypothesis?
Leonard: How about that Gorn sitting on the couch.
(the Gorn waves)
Sheldon: That seems fairly conclusive.

Howard: I gotta tell you, Sheldon, I understand why you chose this spot. I mean: the temperature is good but there's no draft, I can see the television but I can still talk th...
Sheldon: I changed my mind; get out of my spot!
Penny: How long?
Leonard: Ninety-four seconds.

Leonard: What are you doing up?
Sheldon: Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
Leonard: Really? Maybe sleep has met you before.

Sheldon: Howard. The person at fault for you not getting a security clearance is me.
Howard: You?
Sheldon: Yes, but before you get upset, I want you to know I went to the FBI and retracted my statement.
Howard: And they were okay with that?
Sheldon: No. If anything, I made it worse.

Notes and Trivia

Howard's middle name, Joel, is revealed in this episode.

Kaley Cuoco appears in two scenes: in one, she is filmed standing behind the bar at the Cheesecake Factory, and in the second, she sits in the gang's living room behind a table. This was to hide her broken leg due to a horseback riding accident.

This is the second time that Penny tries to get rid of a customer at the Cheesecake Factory by suggesting they go to the Olive Garden instead, after The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification (2010).

Goofs

None

Cast

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