S05E10 - The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

No: 97  |  Season: 5   Episode: 10  |  Air Date: 2011-11-17  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: Did it look ridiculous when we got the Satanimals pack and I dressed up as a Beelzebobcat?

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Summary

When Stuart asks Amy on a date, Sheldon considers having a more serious relationship with her. Meanwhile, the guys become obsessed with a new card game involving Wild West heroes and witches.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Steven Molaro & Dave Goetsch / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Jim Reynolds & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S05E10 - The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Quotes

Sheldon: So, what do you think of new comic book night? Magic, right?
Amy: Sheldon, I'm disappointed in you. Sure, a genius such as yourself is allowed his vices. I can understand frequenting an opium den or hunting your fellow men for sport, but this? Lame-o.
Sheldon: A. comic books are storytelling through the use of sequential art, a medium that has existed for 17,000 years back to the cave art of Lascaux; and B. you play the harp, like that's cool.

Sheldon: I present to you the Relationship Agreement. A binding covenant that, in its 31 pages, enumerates, iterates, and codifies the rights and responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper, here and after known as the boyfriend, and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and after known as the girlfriend.
Amy: It's so romantic.

(Sheldon joins Amy and Stuart on their date)
Amy: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: The thought of you sitting in a darkened theater with a character like Stuart is repellent. No offence Stuart.
Stuart: None taken. Though repellent's kind of a, kind of a strong word.

Leonard: Hey, can I talk to you about something? It's a little awkward.
Sheldon: I know what this is about. Given the professional stand still you're at, you're wondering if this is the appropriate time to abandon your research and focus on teaching.
(pauses)
Sheldon: Yes.

Amy: How did you get into my apartment?
Sheldon: Is this the kind of nagging I'm going to expect now that you're my girlfriend?

Sheldon: (knocks) Penny.
(knocks)
Sheldon: Amy.
(knocks)
Sheldon: Bernadette.

Sheldon: Now, getting back to the problem at hand, what to do with a washed-up experimental physicist.
Leonard: I am not washed-up.
Sheldon: Oh Leonard, lots of people love you and want to help you, but they can't until you admit the problem.

(Sheldon knocks on Penny's door)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny!
(knocks again)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny!
(knocks again)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny!

Howard: This is Billy the Kid we're talking about. The wizard would get shot between the eyes before he could ever get out the words, "What the hell is Billy the Kid doing in the Mystic Realm of Ka'a?".

Penny: Looks like we killed the bottle.
Amy: I only had half a glass.
Bernadette: I didn't drink any.
Penny: Don't judge me.

Sheldon: I know what this is about. Given the professional standstill you're at, you're wondering if this is the appropriate time to abandon your research and focus on teaching. Yes! And if I may suggest, consider changing discipline, to the humanities or perhaps history. One of the advantages of teaching history is that you don't have to create things, you know, you just have to remember stuffs that happened and then parrot it back. You can have fun with that.

Bernadette: We should play Limbo next. No one beats me at limbo!

Sheldon: My bowel movements run like a German train schedule.

Penny: Amy, you little vixen! Look who's been working it under all those layers of wool and polyester.

Amy: (reading Sheldon's relationship agreement) Section 5: Hand-holding. Hand-holding is only allowed under the following circumstances. A: Either party is in danger of falling off a cliff, precipice, or ledge. B: Either party is deserving of a hearty handshake after winning a Nobel prize. C: Moral support during flu shots.

Howard: I thought you didn't like Facebook anymore.
Sheldon: Don't be silly. I'm a fan of anything that tries to replaces actual human contact.

Bernadette: (to Amy) What are you gonna do, doesn't he know you have a boyfriend?
Penny: Oh, she doesn't have a boyfriend. She has a Sheldon.

Howard: (playing Wild West and Witches) Creepy Teepee.
Raj: Annie Ogreley
Leonard: Hocus Pocus Pocahontas.

Howard: Are you telling me that Sheldon's patented combination of condescension and no sex isn't enough to hold onto a woman?

Howard: You know, it's amazing people keep coming to comic book stores instead of just downloading the comics digitally.
Leonard: It's probably for the best. For a lot of these guys, the weekly trip here is the only chance their mom has to go down to the basement and change their sheets.
Howard: Oh, that reminds me, I get fresh sheets tonight, yay!

Sheldon: I got a splinter.
Amy: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: Relationship agreement, section 4: Boo-boos and ouchies. You have to take care of it.
Amy: I should have gotten a lawyer.

Sheldon: There is no way that Stuart, an impoverished peddler of picture books, would be at all appealing to Amy Farrah Fowler, a noted neurobiologist capable of performing surgery on her own feet with nothing but nitrous oxide from cans of whipped cream as anesthesia.

Stuart: So, other than you taking your relationship to the next level with another guy, this was nice!
Amy: Yes, well, thanks for seeing me to my door.
Stuart: Oh, you're welcome.
Sheldon: (Knocking from inside Amy's apartment) Amy! Amy! Amy! Let's wrap things up out there!
Amy: Umm... Good night Stuart!
Stuart: Good night!
(They hug)
Sheldon: Take a hint Stuart, the lady said good night!

Penny: Oh god, are you trying to make Amy jealous?
Sheldon: No! Why is everyone so obsessed with Amy and Stuart, and whether or not they may be having more pumpkin lattes or intercourse tonight?
Penny: Ok, listen to me, playing games is not gonna help get Amy back.
Sheldon: I'm not trying to get her back! But out of curiosity, what is a way?

Penny: Look, Sheldon, all I'm saying is... strap on a pair and go talk to Amy.
Sheldon: Strap on a pair? Uh, of what? Skates?
Penny: Oh, sweetie, you're so not the guy.

Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: I came to ask if you would like to go on a date with me.

Raj: Wild Bill Witchcock.
Leonard: A tribe of Abra-Commanches.
Sheldon: Flaming Spittoon. And for the record, I'm very disappointed in you cowpokes. We're playing our inaugural round of Wild West and Witches, I'm the only one who bothered to dress for the occasion.
(spits into a spittoon)

Penny: Alright, honey, let me tell you a story. There was a guy I liked, and I never told him how I felt. Eventually he started going out with someone else, and I always regretted it. Do you see where I'm going with this?
Sheldon: I believe I do.
Penny: Mhm.
Sheldon: I'm the guy.
Penny: You're not the guy.
Sheldon: Are you sure? That would explain so much. Your constant presence in my apartment, the baffling dalliance with Leonard just to be near me, the way you call me sweetie all the time...
Penny: I call everyone sweetie.
Sheldon: You tramp.

Stuart: Leonard, what's the deal with Sheldon's friend Amy? Are they a couple?
Leonard: A couple of weirdos. Why?
Howard: You interested in Amy?
Stuart: Well, she didn't look through me with soul-sucking ball-shriveling hatred and contempt. I like that in a woman.

Sheldon: Did it look ridiculous when we got the Satanimals pack and I dressed up as a Beelzebobcat?

Sheldon: I believe I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship.
Amy: I'm listening.
Sheldon: With the understanding that nothing changes, whatsoever. Physical or otherwise. I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.
Amy: Interesting. Now, try it without the quadruple negative.
Sheldon: You're being impossible.
(Amy leans over to Stuart)
Amy: Hi, Stuart!
Sheldon: Fine!
(Amy leans back to Sheldon again)
Sheldon: Amy... Will you be my girlfriend?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: Well, that's enough of that.

Sheldon: I got a splinter.
Amy: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: Relationship Agreement Section 4: Boo-Boos and Ouchies. You have to take care of it.

Stuart: Need help finding anything you like?
Amy: Yeah, a comic book without a woman whose bosom could be used as a flotation device.
Stuart: Sorry, people who come here like big boobs. Some of them have big boobs.

Raj: Stuart, help us settle an argument. Who would win in a fight, Billy the Kid or the White Wizard?
Stuart: I could tell you, but then I would be depriving you of the joy of finding out yourselves at the magical, rootin'-tootin' low price of $24.99.
Raj: I'll buy one.
Howard: Make that two.
Leonard: I hate you both and myself. Make it three.
Stuart: (Walking to resgister) Like shooting nerds in a barrel.

Notes and Trivia

First appearance of Sheldon and Amy's Relationship Agreement. There are 31 pages in it, and among its many clauses are sections describing situations in which hand-holding is permitted, and responsibilities in case of injuries ("Booboos and ouchies").

One of the t-shirts Sheldon wears shows the image of Green Lantern, Vol. 2, #90, from September 1976, one of the famous Neal Adams/Denny O'Neill collaborations.

Stuart's last name is Bloom, as seen on his Facebook page.

The Mystic Warlords of Ka'a card game was created by the art department, with the cards mentioned in this episode being never been mentioned before. This is a running joke throughout the series, mocking the ridiculous complexity of the game, but this is the first time the characters start to realize this.

Goofs

None

Cast

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