S07E07 - The Proton Displacement

No: 142  |  Season: 7   Episode: 7  |  Air Date: 2013-11-07  |  Runtime: mins

Amy: How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school? Penny: Yeah, but only because I was dating a second grader.

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Summary

Sheldon seeks payback when Arthur "Professor Proton" Jeffries asks Leonard for help on a project instead of him. Raj gets upset at Howard for crashing his night with the girls.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Maria Ferrari & Anthony Del Broccolo / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds

Script

Script: S07E07 - The Proton Displacement

Quotes

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true. You'd rust.

Penny: I'm just having a little trouble with the glue.
Amy: How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch preschool?
Amy: Yeah, but only because I was dating a 2nd grader.

Sheldon: It's been pointed out by my girlfriend that I may have been annoying to you.
Arthur Jeffries: She sounds like a keeper.

Raj: There are just some things that I feel more comfortable sharing with the girls because they won't make fun of me or call me names or ask me if my Koothrapanties are in a bunch.

(Sheldon is skipping through the store)
Amy: Never seen him this happy before.
Leonard: That's because you've never seen him on restock the medicine-cabinet day.
Sheldon: Look! a new topical antihistamine with lidocaine. Wow! I can't wait 'til I get a rash.
Leonard: Ohhhh, Gas-Ex has a new ultra-strength. Guess they really do read their mail.
Sheldon: Hey. Isn't that Professor Proton?
Leonard: Oh, yeah.
Sheldon: Look at him! he's standing in line, like he wasn't moderately famous thirty years ago. Let's go say hello!
Leonard: Oh, maybe we, we shouldn't bother him.
Sheldon: I'm not going to bother him; I'm going to talk to him.
Leonard: (to Amy) He thinks there's a difference.

Sheldon: Because it's just so happens I'm also spending the day with a beloved children television science personality. Isn't that right new friend and colleague, Bill Nye, the Science Guy? Sorry I replaced you with a newer model.
Bill Nye: Wow, Arthur Jeffries. It's an honor to meet you. My show never would have happened without yours.
Arthur Jeffries: That's what I told my lawyers.

Arthur Jeffries: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Arthur. Did I wake you?
Arthur Jeffries: It's seven thirty, so yeah.
Sheldon: I would've gotten here sooner, but for some reason your house isn't on this map of the Hollywood stars.

Bill Nye: What are you working on?
Leonard: We're making vacuum tubes.
Bill Nye: That is very interesting.
Arthur Jeffries: Haven't you stolen enough from me? Back off, bow tie!

Arthur Jeffries: So, you, uh, you have, you have any si- single grandmothers?
Penny: Sorry, they're both married.
Arthur Jeffries: Good. Ha-hap- ha-hap- happily?

Sheldon: If you're hoping to get in touch with Bill Nye, I can't help you. I've been informed that he's now Bill Nye, the Restraining Order Guy.

Amy: (about Raj and Howard) They're gonna have sex before Sheldon and I do. I knew it!

Howard: Look who's here to put the Jew back in jewelry.
Bernadette: Oh, sure, it's fine when you say it.

Leonard: If you would have told me when I was a kid that someday I would have been doing science next to Professor Proton, I would not have believed you.
Arthur Jeffries: If someone had told me that people would still be call me Professor Proton when I was 83 years old, I never would have quit smoking.

Amy: Have you ever thought about why Arthur didn't want you to read his paper?
Sheldon: Yes I have. My only conclusion is the prescription he was picking up the other day was for cuckoo pills.
Amy: Maybe he found you a bit much.
Sheldon: That's kind of a stretch. But when it comes to social skills, I've mastered the big three. There's the coy smile. There's the friendly chuckle. Ha-ha-ha-haaaa. There's the vocalization of sympathy. Ahhh. Well, that one's tricky. I'm still working on it.
Amy: rom what I saw the other day I can understand why he and... some people might find you...
Sheldon: What?
Amy: It doesn't matter
Sheldon: No. Go ahead. Say it. I know what it is. I've heard it my whole life. The word's annoying. Go ahead. Say it. Say it. Say, "I'm annoying."
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, it won't hurt my feelings. Go ahead, Amy. Say, "I'm annoying." "I'm annoying." "I'm annoying." "I'm annoying." Now where are you going? You know you want to say it. Say it. Say, "I'm annoying." Go ahead. Say it. Say it. Say it, Amy. Say it.
(Amy leaves the apartment slamming the door)
Sheldon: Well, she can't stand it when I'm right.

Amy: So what tools did you bring?
Howard: Everything we need to make jewelery molds; here's some silver, a crucible and an acetylene torch to melt it down.
Penny: Ooooo, that looks like fun.
Bernadette: Maybe you should master glue before you move on to fire.

Howard: Hello, all.
Raj: Okay, here we go with the "Raj is a girl" jokes.
Howard: Bernadette said I'm not allowed. So I won't say anything about you or what you do or how you just want to have fu-un.

Leonard: Dr. Jeffries, hello again, Leonard Hofstadter.
Arthur Jeffries: Oh... oh right, I remember your, your girlfriend. Is, is she, is she here?
(looking around)

Sheldon: This is my girlfriend, Amy. Amy, this is television legend, Arthur Jeffries. His science show inspired millions of children.
Arthur Jeffries: Hold... hold... hold on, you... you have a girlfriend?

Arthur Jeffries: (Sheldon has woken Arthur up at 7:30 in the morning) Sheldon, in a couple of hours, I have to get up, pee, and then wander around the house.

Bill Nye: I thought I was talking to a class.
Sheldon: No, what I said was you were teaching someone a lesson.

Sheldon: Never meet your heroes, they always say. Never peek behind the curtain of fame, or you'll see them for what they really are: degenerate carnie folk.
Amy: He's a retired science kids show host.
Sheldon: That's even worse! Using the sweet candy of science to trick children into loving him. Pervert.

Amy: What are you working on?
Raj: Ah, making a necklace for my mother.
Amy: That's sweet.
Raj: Yeah, she and my dad are going through a rough patch so wanted to do something to let her know I was thinking about her.
Penny: What's going on with them?
Raj: Eh, they're having a little problem communicating. My dad says it's because the sound of my mum's voice makes him want to tear his ears off and sew them over his eyes so he never has to look at her again.

Arthur Jeffries: Can I ask you a question?
Leonard: Yeah, sure.
Arthur Jeffries: Why do you put up with Sheldon?
Leonard: Oh, um, you know. Because we're friends.
Arthur Jeffries: Why?
Leonard: Wow. You ask really hard questions. Look, I know he can be aggravating, but you have to remember he's not doing it on purpose. It's just how he is. Oh, but he's also loyal, and trustworthy and we have fun together.
Arthur Jeffries: You know, you're describing a dog.
Leonard: He did bite me once. But in his defense I came up behind him while he was eating.
Arthur Jeffries: They hate that.
Leonard: You, know what. Sheldon is the smartest person I've ever met. He's a little broke and he needs me. I guess I need him too.
Arthur Jeffries: Why's that?
Leonard: You will not let this go.

Notes and Trivia

Arthur Jeffries tells Leonard that if he'd known people would still be calling him Professor Proton at the age of eighty-three, he would never have given up smoking. Bob Newhart, who plays Dr. Jeffries, was a heavy smoker for years, until he was ordered by doctors to stop in 1985.

Famed children's science show host Bill Nye "The Science Guy" guest stars in this episode. The fictional show "Professor Proton" is loosely based on Nye's show but aired in the 80s when Sheldon and Leonard were children. Bill Nye the Science Guy (1993) aired in the 90s when many millennials were children. Arthur Jeffries, the fictional Professor Proton, accuses Nye of stealing his ideas.

Goofs

None

Cast

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