S07E16 - The Table Polarization

No: 151  |  Season: 7   Episode: 16  |  Air Date: 2014-02-27  |  Runtime: mins

Howard: Check my blood pressure again. I can get it higher. just give me a second. (Dials phone) Mrs Wolowitz (on phone): Hello?

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Summary

Leonard's purchase of a dining room table causes Sheldon to reevaluate the changes in his life. Meanwhile, Howard is offered a chance to go back to space and Bernadette struggles with whether or not to encourage him.

Director and Writers

Director: Gay Linvill
Writers: Story by: Steven Molaro & Maria Ferrari & Tara Hernandez / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Jim Reynolds & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S07E16 - The Table Polarization

Quotes

Sheldon: Amy? Amy? Amy? I'll get right to the point. I think we need to end this relationship - so just sign this with your finger and please don't cry on my iPad because I don't get Apple Care.
Amy: I'm not surprised you want to end the relationship. I'm just a little surprised you didn't get Apple Care. Anyway, enjoy your life. Where do I sign?
Sheldon: At the bottom. I must say I'm relieved you're not making more of a scene out of this.
Amy: Oh, I've already moved on. Besides the breakup has nothing to do with me.
Sheldon: What. It doesn't?
Amy: OF course not. This is just Leonard trying to take the focus off that dreadful table by sowing discord in our relationship. He's manipulating you like he always does.
Sheldon: Wait. Wait. Now hang on. You think he's manipulating me?
Amy: All the time. And he knew that as your girlfriend, I wasn't gonna to stand by and let him bring a table into your apartment. I mean a table? Come on.
Sheldon: It is hideous.
Amy: Well, thankfully, I won't have to see it 'cause I won't be your girlfriend anymore.
(Signs)
Amy: Amy Farah Fowler. Why yes, I would like to take a survey.
Sheldon: Wait. You were really gonna stand by me against the dining room table?
Amy: Of course I was.
Sheldon: Yeah, wait. I do I know you're not manipulating me right now?
Amy: I would think that if I'm manipulating you, you'd be smart enough to see it.
Sheldon: How do I know you're not saying that as part of the manipulation?
Amy: I think you're smart enough to see that too.
Sheldon: Okay. I'm sorry i gave you such a hard time. I just had to be sure.
(Amy turns away and smiles)

Leonard: Sheldon doesn't like reclaimed wood.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: He's afraid the original owners will come back.

Sheldon: Well. Is this really worth it? We've lived together for years with nary an argument.
Leonard: Huh?
Sheldon: But we start talking about a table and suddenly we're at each other's throats.
Leonard: Nary an argument"? "Nary"?
Sheldon: Well that means "not on" or "not any". Maybe instead of a table you should buy a dictionary. Well, I don't know if I won that, but at least he's upset.

Raj: Oh sure. I sit on the floor for years no one cares. The pretty white girl sits for ten seconds and you're all running off to IKEA.

Howard: Good news. Someone in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket.
Bernadette: Fine. Can I at least shower first?

Leonard: This spot that no one else can sit in only exists because despite your objections I bought this couch. Me. So explain why that change is bad and this change was good.
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: You don't need to explain yourself to him.
Sheldon: I don't need to explain myself to you.
Amy: You're sick of his nonsense and ready to move in with me.
Sheldon: Keep the table. We don't use that space.
Amy: Damn it, I got cocky.

Penny: Sheldon's not here.
Leonard: Well he is here.
(Points to his head)
Leonard: So unless you want to dig him out with a bone saw and a melon baller there's nothing I can do about it.

Penny: Hi. Sorry I'm late. I was at an audition.
Howard: Ahh.
Sheldon: You'll get 'em next time.
Penny: How about instead of assuming I failed, you ask me how it went?
Leonard: Sorry. How did it go?
Penny: Just shut up.

Raj: He's forgotten how miserable he was the entire time he was up there. It's like me in those moments when I miss India.
Bernadette: So you'll talk to him?
Raj: Why me?
Bernadette: Well, I'm his wife. I don't want to ruin it for him.
Raj: That's the dynamic. I'm the fun one and you're the buzz kill.

Sheldon: Think of me as Arthur Dent In Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy lying in front of the bulldozers protecting his home.
Leonard: If you recall, the Vogon Fleet blew up the earth anyway.
Sheldon: It's a made up story, Leonard. I don't even know why you're talking about it.

Mike Massimino: Hey, Fruit Loops.
Howard: Massimino, why are you here?
Mike Massimino: Well, I heard you were thinking about going back up to the space station, and as someone who's been there with you, well, you know how astronauts need to have the right stuff?
Howard: Sure.
Mike Massimino: The stuff you have is wrong.

Sheldon: OK. I think we found the problem here. It's not the table at all. It's you.
Penny: Me?
Leonard: Well. It's always me. Take one for the team.
Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay into an acceptable conduit for my will and then you came along and reshaped him with your newfangled ideas and your fancy genitals.
Penny: Are you gonna let him talk to me like this?
Leonard: "Fancy" sounds like a compliment.
Penny: OK, I have not tried to change Leonard. That is just happens in relationships. Look how much Amy has changed you.
Sheldon: That's not true.
Penny: Oh sweetie. When I first met you were incapable of touching another human being. Now you're holding holds, going on dates, you even made out with her on a train.
Leonard: She told you?
Penny: Of courses she told me. It's the most interesting thing that happened to her entire life.
Leonard: You're too close to it, but Amy has had a huge impact on you.
Sheldon: You're right. Without realizing I allowed that woman to alter my personality.
Leonard: Mmm. You didn't have a personality; you just had some shows you liked.
Sheldon: No. No, I've changed. Like the frog that's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog that's been kissed by the princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or you're just a tall annoying frog.
Sheldon: Excuse me. I have to break up with my girlfriend.
Penny: Oh, Sheldon. Wait.
Sheldon: No. You've opened my eyes to the truth. Amy has made me a more affectionate open-minded person. And that stops now.
Leonard: Well, we should call her.
Penny: Yeah. Amy. It's Penny. Hey. Just a little heads up. Leonard bought a dining room table. Yeah. Sheldon's breaking up with you.

Notes and Trivia

A MAC computer is always sitting on the desk (although never used) where Leonard wants to place the dining room table. It was removed, and replaced with an older system so Sheldon could go back to Windows 98.

Title Reference: The sides that everyone takes when they discuss getting a dining room table for the apartment.

Goofs

None

Cast

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