S09E16 - The Positive Negative Reaction

No: 199  |  Season: 9   Episode: 16  |  Air Date: 2016-02-18  |  Runtime: mins

Howard (singing): Baby, I need your lovin', got to have all your lovin'.

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Summary

Bernadette reveals her pregnancy to Howard and the rest of the gang.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds & Saladin K. Patterson / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Steve Holland & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S09E16 - The Positive Negative Reaction

Quotes

Raj: I read that in Los Angeles raising a child through college can cost over a million dollars.
Howard: A million dollars! Gah. It's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.

Howard: Look at this.
(takes the cocktail umbrella from his drink)
Howard: I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas doesn't have to worry about money; he can have all the kids he wants
Sheldon: And keep a small portion of their heads dry.

Sheldon: Forget helium, the real superfluid is the fruit punch in this mug. It reminds me of my daddy's secret "don't tell momma" juice.

Leonard: It'll be fine, people have kids every day. You'll figure this out.
Raj: Yeah, come on, this is great news and you know it.
Howard: You're right, it is. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now.
Leonard: Hey, you know what we should do?
Sheldon: All get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us?
Leonard: Go out and celebrate!
(to Sheldon)
Leonard: But not your worst idea.

Raj: I'd like to propose a toast to our friend Howard, his um his big heart, his beautiful soul...
Leonard: and his tight little pants that somehow did not make him sterile.

Howard: Morning.
Bernadette: Morning.
Howard: (reads Post-It note on the coffee maker) "We"? What is this?
Bernadette: I don't know; maybe it says something on the back.
Howard: "Continued on milk".
(opening fridge)
Howard: If you're tricking me into making my own breakfast it didn't work for my mom and it won't work for you.
(reads note)
Howard: "Are". We are..."See spoons for more."
Bernadette: What could it be? We are Groot? We are the champions? We are family; I got all my sisters with me.
Howard: (reads the third note) Are you serious?
Bernadette: Yeah.

Howard: If it's a boy do we get him circumcised? People say it's barbaric, but if we don't it looks like a pig in a blanket.

Howard: I'm sorry I freaked out this morning. I want you to know... I'm done being scared.
Bernadette: It's OK to be nervous. I am too.
Howard: Thank God; cause I was lying; you might not have to wait nine months to see someone soil their pants.

Penny: (Penny's phone dings) Oh, it's Leonard. He says Sheldon's drunk and they're going to do karaoke if we want to join them.
Bernadette: That sounds fun.
Amy: (Amy's phone dings) Oh no. Sheldon's drunk texting me.
Penny: What's it say?
Amy: Would you like to sing karaoke with us.
Bernadette: How's that a drunk text?
Amy: Well, he used a period instead of a question mark; he's so wasted.

Penny: You're not going to get fat. You're going to be beautiful and glowing and-and have the cutest little baby bump ever.
Bernadette: Easy for you to say, skinny bitch! Sorry, hormones.
Penny: Oh, that's all right. All I heard was 'skinny'.

Sheldon: You guys, the bathroom here is amazing! There's people cooking in it.

Howard: I shouldn't be raising a kid! I don't even eat my own vegetables.

Howard: Do we get a nanny? And can we afford a nanny? And if we can, we can't get a pretty one cause it'll wreck our marriage. We can't get an ugly one cause it'll scare the kid.

Sheldon: And if he has twins, we can do all kinds of neat experiments on them.

Penny: That was such a fun night.
Leonard: Probably cause you got to see your man up there rocking the mike.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. I was a little surprised when you decided to beat box.
Leonard: Oh, that was really an asthma attack; I just sold it.
Penny: Oh, I am so happy for Howard and Bernadette.
Leonard: Me too. So, you ever think about it?
Penny: Babies? I'm not in a rush, but someday, yeah, sure. What about you?
Leonard: I think we'd make amazing parents.
Sheldon: Will you guys keep it down?
(Sheldon is sprawled on the couch, a beard, moustache, glasses and Harry Potter scar drawn on his face)
Penny: On the other hand, we might lack a certain maturity.
(She picks up a magic marker)

Sheldon: This place is terrific. Why- why have we never been here before?
Leonard: Same reason we don't do a lot of fun stuff: you.
Sheldon: That's some smart talk from a guy who can't even keep his face in focus.

Howard: I'm, uh... uuh going to be a father.
Leonard, Raj: Congratulations.
Sheldon: Oh, no!
Leonard: Why 'oh no'?
Sheldon: Because this *changes* everything. What about comic-book night? What about playing games together? What about our trips to Disneyland? How can we do those things with a child around?
Leonard: Relax; there's room for two babies in this group.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lor- Penny's pregnant too?
Leonard: You're the other baby.
Sheldon: Oh, really? OK, well, would a baby have to shave once every eleven days?
Leonard: Would an adult refuse to eat his Graham crackers because one of them was broken?
Sheldon: I guess we'll call this a draw.

Howard: I shouldn't be raising a kid. I don't even eat my own vegetables.
Leonard: Buddy, I think you might be overreacting.
Howard: And then there's this nose. I mean... What if he looks like me? Or worse... what if she looks like me?
Sheldon: Not to mention the impact on our social circle. Everything's going to change. Howard won't be able to come over as much.
Raj: Well, he could bring the baby here.
Sheldon: Then we'd have to baby-proof the apartment. Yeah, my sister has one of those toilet locks in her bathroom. I have two doctorates, I still had to go in the sink.
Howard: how expensive having a kid is?
Raj: Yeah, I read that in Los Angeles, raising a child through college can cost over a million dollars.
Howard: A million dollars? It's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.

Sheldon: (to Howard and Bernadette) . You're kiddie' me! What kind of maniac has coitus in some else's bedroom?

Howard: Maybe that's an idea: guidance systems for drunk people.
Raj: They have that, it's called Uber.

Penny: You get to buy toys and little clothes.
Bernadette: I kind of already do that for Howie.

Amy: Hey, let's go do something to get your mind off this.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, we should go out.
Bernadette: Where?
Penny: Uh, I don't know, a bar?
Bernadette: Can't drink.
Penny: We can, but all right.
Amy: Are you hungry? How about that sushi place you love?
Bernadette: Doctor said I can't have sushi.
Penny: Okay, look, we don't have to go anywhere. We can just, you know, stay here and hang out in the hot tub.
Bernadette: Doctor said I can't go in the hot tub.
Amy: Maybe you should get a new doctor.
(Awkward pause)
Amy: What, he said you can't laugh either?

Notes and Trivia

Bernadette says she and Howard conceived Halley when they had sex in Sheldon's bed. Karma comes back around in The Celebration Reverberation (2017) when Amy and Sheldon plan to have coitus in one of the empty beds at Howard and Bernadette's home after they jump in the bouncy house at the end of the episode.

Sheldon reveals that he shaves once every eleven days.

This is the first episode this season where the whole gang are in the same scene together.

Goofs

None

Cast

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