S11E05 - The Collaboration Contamination

No: 236  |  Season: 11   Episode: 5  |  Air Date: 2017-10-23  |  Runtime: mins

(Singing...) I love, I love, I love my calendar girl... Each and every day of the year.

Previous Next

Summary

Amy and Howard work in the lab together causing Sheldon, Bernadette and Raj to feel jealous and lonely. Penny starts using a parenting book to control Sheldon's behavior.

Director and Writers

Director: Nikki Lorre
Writers: Story by: Steven Molaro & Steve Holland & Eric Kaplan / Teleplay by: Dave Goetsch & Maria Ferrari & Jeremy Howe

Script

Script: S11E05 - The Collaboration Contamination

Quotes

Leonard: (wearily playing Sheldon's car game) I don't know. French police?
Sheldon: Oh, so close. Belgian ambulance. All, right you ready for your next one? Just a warning, this one's a little annoying.
Leonard: Let's take a little... little break. I'm getting a headache.
Sheldon: Aw. Right in the middle of our fun game.
Leonard: Yeah, weird.

Howard: Okay, I'm gonna extend the wait time and have it poll the A-to-D converter at the top of the loop instead of the bottom.
Amy: That's impressive.
Howard: You think that's impressive, take apart that brain model.
(she picks up said model from the tabletop and finds a playing card inside)
Amy: Oh, my god! Three of clubs. That was my card! How did you...?
Howard: I used to make it appear in my pants, but HR said I had stop doing that.

Leonard: Sheldon's texting me to drive him to Bernadette's.
Penny: Well, what are you gonna say?
Leonard: Well, they did just introduce the middle finger emoji. If it's not for this, I don't know what it's for.

Leonard: So... Howard and Amy working together. That's interesting, huh?
Sheldon: Eh. It's all right, I suppose. Usually when Amy complains about her coworkers, I just tune her out, but now I'll be able to join in and pound away.

Penny: You sound frustrated, and I'm really proud of the way you're able to state your opinion.
Leonard: Thank you.
(realizing what she's doing)
Leonard: Wait, no, no! Don't use that book on me.
Sheldon: Wait, what book?
Leonard: Penny's been using one of Bernadette's parenting books on you.
Penny: What? So has he.
Sheldon: Wh... what makes you think you can treat me like a child?
Leonard: Your shampoo comes in a Big Bird bottle.
Sheldon: That's because the adult shampoo burns my man eyes!

Sheldon: Where do you get treating me like a child?
Leonard: Your shampoo comes in a Big Bird bottle.
Sheldon: That's because the adult shampoo burns my man eyes!

Bernadette: Thanks for letting me put Halley in your room.
Leonard: Yeah, no problem.
Bernadette: Oh, and Penny, she kinda threw up on your stuffed bear.
Penny: Oh, that's okay.
Leonard: Hey. Tha... that's an Ewok, and it's mine.
Penny: Yeah, which is why it's okay.
Sheldon: See? He gets Ewoks in his bed.
Amy: You've got Chewbacca. That's enough.
Raj: I used to have the stuffed racoon from "Guardians of the Galaxy", but Cinammon licked it raw.
Howard: There's a time and place for your randy dog stories, and... it's never and nowhere.

Sheldon: I wish I could make Howard feel as angry as I feel.
Bernadette: Really? Interesting. Maybe you could do something he likes.
Sheldon: Like what?
Bernadette: Have you ever read Tom Sawyer?
Sheldon: No.
Bernadette: Chores. He likes chores.

Amy: You know, I could use an engineer on this project.
Sheldon: Well, now this works out great. Howard's an engineer. I'm sure he knows someone qualified.
Howard: She was talking about me, Sheldon. I'm perfectly qualified.
Bernadette: Yeah, Howie's the world's best engineer. It says so right on his coffee mug.
Penny: Aw, you got him a mug?
Raj: I did. But it's not a competition.
Bernadette: Yeah, I lost that battle years ago.
Amy: So, Howard, are you interested?
Howard: Are you kidding? If I could control robot arms with my brain, I'd be able to do so many things.
Sheldon: Really? Because you've been controlling human arms with your brain for years and not much has come of it.

Howard: If we add phase detection to your EEG sensors, I'll have to re-write most of the code.
Amy: Well, can you do that?
Howard: Well, these hands were made to do three things: close-up magic, writing code, and the dirty shadow puppet show that got me kicked out of Hebrew school.

Raj: This is great, the two of us hanging out. Why didn't we think of this earlier?
Sheldon: Agreed. I don't need Amy to watch a movie. I can not hold your hand just as easily.

Bernadette: Everything's fine. Howard's really excited about his work, he's been in a great mood. I'm really proud of him.
Raj: And I can fit into the pants I wore in high school. Come on, we don't need to lie to each other.
Bernadette: You're right. I have a teething baby, I'm pregnant, I have a proposal due tomorrow. I don't have time to hear about how much you're missing my husband.
Raj: Well, I think I know why he's been working so late.

Leonard: Hey. What you reading?
Penny: A parenting book.
Leonard: Oh, my god. Are... are we...?
Penny: What? No! You think this is how I would tell you?
Leonard: Well...
(he stammers)
Leonard: ...you're sitting there with a book. It felt like anything was possible.

Penny: Okay, what is going on?
Sheldon: Well, ever since Amy started working with Howard, she hasn't been home.
Penny: Didn't that just start this morning?
Sheldon: And has she been home?
Penny: You know, that would frustrate me. Does it frustrate you?
Sheldon: I-it does.
Penny: I get that. You know, it's okay to feel frustrated when things aren't going your way.
Sheldon: I suppose. Ah, maybe it's not that big a deal.
Penny: No. No, no. Your feelings are valid. Now, why don't you go wash up and we'll call you when dinner's ready.
Sheldon: Okay.
Leonard: (Sheldon leaves) What did you do... are you a witch?
Penny: No, I've been reading Bernadette's parenting book. It's like the answer key to the Sheldon test.
Leonard: That's amazing.
Penny: I know. But, you know, it's only birth to five. What do we do when he turns six?
Leonard: Take him to the zoo and leave him there.

Raj: Don't be snippy. I came to see how you were doing. Like, uh, do you need help with anything?
Bernadette: Oh, thank you. There are a few things around the house that I've been waiting for Howard to get to. The smoke alarms...
Raj: No, I meant emotionally. How are you feeling?
Bernadette: Like you're not really here to help me.
Raj: Wow. Still snippy.

Raj: Hey, what are you working on?
Bernadette: Oh, my god, you're still here?
Raj: Well, of course I'm here. I know what you're going through.
Bernadette: Really? You have a needy Indian man in your house?
Raj: I did, but then he came over here.

Penny: (reading a book on parenting) Bernadette left it here.
Leonard: Yeah? Anything interesting?
Penny: Well, I just saw a picture of a baby's head crowning, so I hope you enjoyed sex, because we're done with that.

Sheldon: So how about you and me make some beautiful science together?
Amy: Sheldon, I want to work on this with you, just not tonight. What if we get up early and do it in the morning? I promise, I'll be way more into it.
Sheldon: You know what? There was a time that you would've been happy to stay up and collaborate all night with me. And then wake up in the morning and do it some more.
Amy: Fine, but can we make it quick?
Sheldon: No. If you're just gonna make me do all the work, then go to bed. But don't be surprised if you walk out here and catch me doing it myself.

Bernadette: Did you just come here to complain?
Sheldon: You're complaining too. "Sheldon, why are you here?" "Sheldon, applesauce is for the baby!"

Bernadette: Howard's not here.
Raj: Oh, I know. He's been at the lab every night this week with his work wife.
Bernadette: That's weird. I thought his work wife was standing in my kitchen.

Sheldon: Remember how disappointed you were when Amy started driving me to work?
Leonard: (sarcastic) Sure. Sometimes people smile a big smile of disappointment.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, good news. Amy had to go in early to show Howard around her lab, so you get to drive me.
Penny: (Leonard's face falls) Aw, his smile of disappointment has turned into a frown of joy.
Leonard: It's fine. I've been driving him for years. What's one more day?
Sheldon: Oh, and I've got a new car game we can play. It's called "What Siren Am I?".
Leonard: Kill me.

Penny: Maybe there's something in the book that will help.
Leonard: Worth a shot.
Penny: Okay. Let's see, let's see... biting other children?
Leonard: Well, sometimes, but... problem for another day.
Penny: Okay, wait, wait. Here we go. "Let him have ownership of his choices. Allow him to choose from options that are acceptable to you."
Leonard: All, right I'll give it a try. "I can drive you in two hours or you can take an Uber."
Penny: Good. See, now he feels like he has a choice.
Leonard: (his phone chimes) He's gonna take an Uber.
Penny: Wow, it worked.
Leonard: (taking the book) Unless he bites the driver, yeah.

Amy: What's with the blinking?
Sheldon: It's Morse code. So that we can talk about...
(he gestures at Wolowitz)
Sheldon: ...without hurting...
(he gestures at Wolowitz again)
Sheldon: ...'s feelings.
Amy: Sheldon, I don't know Morse code.
Howard: I do. And if you have something to say, you can say it to my face.
Sheldon: Oh. All right.
(he blinks in Morse code)
Howard: I'm a little rusty. Could you say that again?

Howard: So this is it?
Amy: Yes. We are using it to map brainwave patterns and then converting them into electrical impulses that can be used to control anything, from wheelchairs to robots.
Howard: Based on that ring on your finger, I'd say you're pretty good at controlling robots.
Amy: Careful. That's my fiance you're talking about. And I can program him to hurt you.

Penny: So is this how it's gonna be if we have kids? You're just gonna throw me under the bus?
Leonard: If you spoil them the way you do Sheldon, then yeah.
Penny: Uh, my way was working, okay? I think you're just upset because there are some things I am better than you at.
Leonard: Well, you can't end a sentence with a preposition, so clearly not grammar.
Penny: If you're so smart, was that a smart thing to say?
Leonard: That depends. Before I said it, was sex tonight still on the table?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Then it's fine.

Sheldon: The only kind of engineer I'm interested in blows a train whistle. Ooh, that gives me an idea for a new road game. What kind of whistle am I?
Leonard: Train.
Sheldon: Actually, it was going to be a kea kettle, but it was on a train, so I'll give it to you.

Penny: No more stories about sex, so, Amy, that brings us to you.
Amy: Well, at work, we've been doing some interesting work with neuroprosthetics.
Penny: Neat. I've been re-watching "The O.C.", so we're all leading productive lives.
Amy: We've been working on a computer interface that can use brainwave patterns to control robotic limbs, but we're having a little trouble localizing the signal from the EEG cap.
Howard: Oh, well, have you thought about adding a phased array of sensors for better localization?
Amy: Actually, that never occurred to me.
Penny: It never occurred to me I would miss the Ewok conversation.
Leonard: Good, 'cause I just bought another one on Amazon.

Bernadette: Thanks for letting me put Halley in your room.
Leonard: Yeah, no problem.
Bernadette: Oh, and, Penny, she kinda threw up on your stuffed bear.
Penny: Oh, that's okay.
Leonard: Hey. Tha-That's an Ewok and it's mine.
Penny: Yeah, which is why it's okay.
Sheldon: (to Amy) See, he gets Ewoks in his bed.
Amy: You've got Chewbacca, that's enough.
Raj: I used to have the stuffed raccoon from Guardians of the Galaxy, but Cinnamon licked it raw.
Howard: There's a time and place for your randy dog stories, and... it's "never and nowhere".

Notes and Trivia

Amy and Howard seem to have a preference for singers called "Neil". In The Scavenger Vortex (2013), they discovered their shared love for Neil Diamond, and here, they enjoy listening to Neil Sedaka.

This is the first time Howard and Amy work together in the lab.

Goofs

None

Cast

Privacy Policy | Affiliate Link Disclosure | Contact Us