S11E06 - The Proton Regeneration

No: 237  |  Season: 11   Episode: 6  |  Air Date: 2017-11-02  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: I suppose you're here because you heard the news? Arthur: Sheldon, I'm a figment of your imagination. I don't hear news. Sheldon: You're a grumpy figment.

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Summary

Sheldon and Wil Wheaton both go head-to-head for the role of the new Professor Proton, Meanwhile Penny takes care of Halley when Bernadette and Howard are on bed rest.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Steven Molaro, Dave Goetsch, Alex Yonks / Teleplay by: Dave Steve Holland, Andy Gordon, Jeremy Howe

Script

Script: S11E06 - The Proton Regeneration

Quotes

Raj: You know who'd make a great Professor Proton? Meryl Streep.
Howard: She's not a scientist.
Raj: Uh, then explain to me why she has chemistry with literally everyone.
Amy: It would be nice if they cast a woman.
Sheldon: Oh, you've already got "Doctor Who" and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something.

Penny: (Over the baby monitor, after she basically had it out against Howard and Bernadette for not trusting her with their baby, she goes in to address a crying Halley) Hey Halley, oh it's okay. Auntie Penny's here. Shhh. Okay, let's get you changed. Your mommy and daddy say they trust me, but they're both full of the same stuff your diaper is.
Bernadette: Now I feel bad.
Howard: Well, she never really liked me. It's kind of nice she hates you now.
Penny: (Continued, with feeling) Oh, but I'm here for you and would never let anything happen to you because your Auntie Penny loves you so much!
Halley: (Almost whispering) Mama.
Bernadette: (Freezing upon hearing that) Was that her first word?
Halley: (Clearer) Mama!
Penny: (Kind of panicking) No, no baby, I'm not your mama. Your mother is a nice lady that we're going to go see right now so I can rub this in her face.
(Bernadette, during this, has picked up the baby monitor speaker and eventually starts looking at it with anger in her eyes)
Penny: (Intentionally addressing the both of them) You hear that, suckers? She called me "mama"!

Sheldon: Hello. I am theoretical physicist Dr. Sheldon Cooper, auditioning for the role of Professor Proton. Now, excuse me while I get into character.
(he turns around, then back to face the camera)
Sheldon: Hello. I am Professor Proton. And today, boys and girls, we're going to have fun with science. Did you know you could calculate the mass of an electron using household items? It's true. All you'll need is a pencil, some paper, dry ice, rubbing alcohol, and a spool of 50 micron-thick cobalt-60 wire. And remember, don't put it in your mouth, or instead of becoming a scientist, you'll become wildly radioactive.
Amy: Hang on. I have a question. Do you have any experiments that aren't life-threatening?
Sheldon: Come on! That was a perfect take and you ruined it.
(he does his "enraged" expression)
Sheldon: Oh, look! Hey, I did need "enraged".

Howard: (Sitting in bed doing their things) Getting a little hungry.
Bernadette: Want me to get it this time?
Howard: Sure.
Bernadette: (She picks up Howard's phone and rings the bell on the app. Smiling) This IS fun.
Howard: And now you, too, get to see an annoyed blonde walk in the room.

Nurse: Howard Wolowitz?
Bernadette: Want me to go with you?
Howard: No. I'll be fine.
Raj: Yeah, we got this.
Howard: Sit down!
(standing up)
Howard: Wish me luck.
Bernadette: (he heads towards the exit) Other way, buster.

Penny: You really don't trust me. You had to have Amy stop by?
Bernadette: We trust you.
Howard: Yeah. You were a terrible waitress and we still asked you to get us a snack.

Sheldon: You want me to lie?
Penny: Well, it's not lying. It's acting. Sheldon Cooper may not like kids, but Professor Proton loves them.
Sheldon: Interesting. You know, I really hadn't thought of it that way. It... it's similar to how, you know, I'm afraid of dogs, but my "D&D" character likes dogs, you know? But he's allergic, so he can't be around them.
Penny: Why don't we have a dog?
Leonard: Hey, you can always re-shoot it.
Sheldon: Mm, I suppose. And, you know, maybe I could even get some tips from someone who's acted professionally.
Penny: Oh. Sheldon, obviously, I'd be happy to help you out.
Sheldon: (more condescending than grateful) I don't know what to say.

Sheldon: They're remaking your show, and they cast Wil Wheaton as Professor Proton. And the worst part is he's not even a scientist.
Arthur Jeffries: No, the... the worst part is I'm sitting on a moist log.
Sheldon: We have to stop this and protect your legacy.
Arthur Jeffries: What legacy? My... my last two seasons, I was on Sunday morning at 5:30. We... we were beat by "Davey and Goliath".
Sheldon: I can't believe you don't care.
Arthur Jeffries: Believe it!
Sheldon: Well, I care, a lot, and Wil Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me.
Arthur Jeffries: I think that's true of most people.

Raj: (reading a pamphlet he got at the urologist's) Okay, uh, this is a bit awkward. It says here that I need to check the area for redness and swelling.
Howard: You know what? It hurts so much, go ahead.

Howard: I'm glad my balls hurt. It's all their fault.

Penny: Hi, guys. Wanted to check in and see how you two were doing.
Bernadette: We're okay.
Howard: Yeah, hanging out in bed with my wife, thawing out some frozen peas in my pants; living the dream.
(hearing Halley on the baby monitor crying)
Howard: Oh, I'll get her.
Penny: I thought Raj was helping you out.
Howard: No, he had to work. Plus, he has a quota for the amount of Indian servant jokes he can tolerate, and apparently, I filled it.

Sheldon: (showing Leonard and Penny his audition tape) So, what do you think?
Amy: Well, I already told him that I loved it, but if you found it dangerous or confusing or, I don't know, three to four times too long, now is the time to share.
Penny: I... I don't know what to say. Leonard, do you know what to say?
Leonard: Sheldon, uh, I thought it, uh... it... it looked like you were having so much fun.
Sheldon: Hey! That's what you used to tell me to say to Penny after one of her terrible plays.
Penny: (hitting him) Hey!
Leonard: Hey!
Amy: Well, what was wrong with it? You know, did you find it... borderline psychotic? I mean, I liked that about it, but... you guys discuss.

Leonard: Oh, boy.
Penny: What?
Leonard: They cast the new Professor Proton.
Amy: Is it Sheldon?
Leonard: Not exactly.
Sheldon: (from his and Amy's apartment) WHEATON!
Leonard: (turning around back down the stairs) It's Wil Wheaton.

Sheldon: When we first met, we were enemies, but we worked through that and we became friends. Do you really want to go back?
Wil Wheaton: Honestly, it doesn't feel any different.

Amy: Okay, you ready?
Sheldon: Yeah, almost. I'm working on my facial expressions. See, uh, I've got interested.
(demonstrating)
Sheldon: Hmm. I've got very interested.
(demonstrating again)
Sheldon: Hmm. And, uh, enranged.
Amy: (he demonstrates) Why would you be enraged?
Sheldon: Hmm. Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

Bernadette: (at the urologist's with Howard) You doing okay?
Howard: No, I'm very nervous.
(seeing another patient hobble out moaning, Howard stands up to leave)
Bernadette: Where are you going?
Howard: Gift shop.
Bernadette: There is no gift shop. Sit down.
(he sits down)
Bernadette: This was your idea.
Howard: So was having sex, and look where that got us.
Bernadette: This isn't a big deal. Stop whining.
Howard: When you were in labor and I said that, you kicked me.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon. What's up?
Sheldon: I need an acting coach.
Wil Wheaton: Oh.
Sheldon: Would you give me Patrick Stewart's number?
Wil Wheaton: (insulted) No.
Sheldon: Fine. I guess you can do it.

Bernadette: Where did you get a bell?
Howard: App store.
(showing her the app on his phone)
Bernadette: Fun. Let me see.
(he hands his phone over, and she puts it in her pocket)
Bernadette: When you catch me, you can have it back.

Howard: How was the doctor?
Bernadette: Good, but I have some news.
Howard: Don't say twins. Don't say twins. Don't say twins. Don't say twins.
Bernadette: It's not twins.
Howard: Oh. I mean, because I would have loved them both.
Bernadette: The doctor said I was overdoing it, so she put me on bed rest just to be safe.
Howard: Oh, no.
(he hobbles towards the bed)
Howard: It may not look like it, but I'm running to you!

Howard: (at home after his surgery) Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Raj: Really hurts, huh?
Bernadette: (sarcastic) No. He's just saying "Ow can these prices be so low?".
(she helps him into bed)
Bernadette: It's gonna be okay. A day or two of rest and you'll be fine.
Howard: You know nothing about Jewish people.

Leonard: Do you remember when you were a kid and you'd watch Professor Proton?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Well, did he ever make you, I don't know, hate science and the people who do it?
Sheldon: What are you saying?
Leonard: I... I just think it would... better if your contempt for children wasn't so much in the foreground.

Sheldon: They're going to start making Professor Proton's science show again.
Bernadette: I thought he passed away.
Howard: He did. He was cremated, and his remains were put in a baking soda volcano.
Amy: Don't make jokes. He meant a lot to Sheldon.
Leonard: Yeah, me, too. I grew up watching his show. He's one of the reasons I became a scientist.
Penny: Aw. Thought you did it just to get girls.
Leonard: Joke's on you. It worked.

Bernadette: (Howard is scarfing down food) Howie, slow down.
Howard: I can't. I'm not allowed to eat for twelve hours before my surgery, and I only got two more minutes.
Leonard: (seeing Raj eating just as fast) What surgery are you having?
Raj: I'm stress eating. My best friend's getting a vasectomy tomorrow.
Penny: And you're sad you won't be able to bear his child?
Sheldon: (looking at his phone) Oh, my goodness.
Bernadette: If it's "vasectomy gone wrong" videos, he's seen them all. Including the one of the guy who's sitting on what appears to be a cantaloupe but is not.
Howard: (putting his plate of food down) And I'm done.

Leonard: Who do you think it should be?
Sheldon: Well, it should be a scientist I respect. You know, someone with a pleasing voice and symmetrical facial features.
Bernadette: Is he talking about himself?
Penny: If he's talking, he's talking about himself.
Sheldon: I just know how much Professor Proton touched me as a child, and I feel I owe it to him to try and touch as many children as possible.
Leonard: (awkward silence) You should put that on your audition tape.

Sheldon: Hello, Arthur.
Arthur Jeffries: What... what part of "rest in peace" don't you understand?
Sheldon: I suppose you're here because you heard the news?
Arthur Jeffries: Sheldon, I'm a figment of your imagination. I don't hear news.
Sheldon: You're a grumpy figment.

Notes and Trivia

Behind Wil Wheaton, a model of a Star Wars speeder bike with scout trooper figure is visible. This reflects Wheaton's enthusiasm for the Star Wars franchise, which predates his role on Star Trek, and counters his taunt of the Star Wars moviegoers in The Opening Night Excitation (2015).

Bernadette is put on bed rest due to her pregnancy. This was probably done to give Melissa Rauch some rest as well, as she was almost seven months pregnant in real life.

Both Bob Newhart and Wil Wheaton make appearances, after being absent for the entire 10th season.

Halley makes her first 'appearance' of the season saying her first words. In keeping with Mrs. Wolowitz, Halley is mostly heard and kept off-screen.

Title reference: the revival of the Professor Proton show.

When Amy suggests that the next Professor Proton could be a woman, Sheldon responds that "you've already got "Doctor Who" and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something." Jodie Whittaker was announced as the first actress playing The Doctor almost three months before The Proton Regeneration was taped, and she made her first appearance in Twice Upon a Time (2017), almost two months after this episode was aired.

When Sheldon visits Wil Wheaton at home, Wil is wearing a tee shirt with a design on it similar to the opening theme song graphics.

Goofs

None

Cast

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