S11E23 - The Sibling Realignment

No: 254  |  Season: 11   Episode: 23  |  Air Date: 2018-05-03  |  Runtime: mins

Georgie: Listen here, you want me at your wedding, all you got to do is ask nicely. Sheldon: (sighs) Georgie... George. (groans) I would like you at my wedding.

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Summary

Sheldon and Leonard make a road trip to wrangle a reluctant wedding guest.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Steve Holland & Eric Kaplan & Anthony Del Broccolo / Teleplay by: Dave Goetsch & Maria Ferrari & Jeremy Howe

Script

Script: S11E23 - The Sibling Realignment

Quotes

Amy: Look at what you've done to me!
Penny: Ah, hey. Could you just, like, not touch my computer or... like, anything else. I just, ugh, I don't want to look like that in your wedding photos.
Amy: There aren't gonna be any wedding photos. My fianc?'s a germophobe. If he finds out I'm contagious, he'll never come back from Texas.
Bernadette: What if we tell him the theme of the wedding is "Walking Dead" and this is our zombie makeup?
Amy: That'll probably work. We'll call that plan B.
(she shuts the laptop; as Amy leaves, Penny takes the bottle of Purell from her gift bag)
Penny: (pouring it on her computer) Oh, well... turns out this is gonna come in handy after all.

Georgie Cooper: (on the phone with a customer) Listen, I hear you. I know they're pricey, but these are the Dallas Cowboys of tires, okay? And we're talking the Troy Aikman Cowboys, not that pretty boy Tony Romo. All right! Good call. You won't regret it.
(hanging up)
Georgie Cooper: Boom!
Leonard: Wow. That was impressive.
Georgie Cooper: Yeah, well, it's easy when you love your product, and hate Tony Romo.

Amy: Hey, I-I was thinking, now that you and your brother made up, there's no reason to rush home. Maybe you and Leonard could... could stay for, uh...
(surreptitiously checking her medication instructions)
Amy: ...two to three more fun-filled days there.
Sheldon: That's a great idea! Hey, Leonard, good news. We do have time to visit the Museum of the American Railroad!
Leonard: (coming out of the bathroom) I'd say no, but what's the point?

Georgie Cooper: Leonard, you want a beer?
Leonard: Yeah, I would love a beer.
Georgie Cooper: (handing him a bottle) There you go.
Leonard: Thanks. Can you open it for me?
Georgie Cooper: No, it's a twist-off.
Leonard: I know.

Sheldon: While I appreciate your folksy tire wisdom, I don't appreciate what you're putting mom through.
Georgie Cooper: What would know about what mom's been through? You were never home.
Leonard: Yeah, this is good. Get it all out.
Sheldon: Not now!
Georgie Cooper: Shut up!

Georgie Cooper: Hold up. I-I'm confused. You didn't want me at your wedding, but now that mom won't come, you want me there.
Sheldon: I know you don't hear this a lot, but that is exactly right. Good job.
Leonard: Not helping, Sheldon.

Howard: Hey, Raj, remember when you borrowed my VR goggles the other day?
Raj: Yeah.
Howard: (revealing his swollen, infected eye) Probably shouldn't have done that.

Leonard: So, wait, y-your brother is Dr. Tire?
Sheldon: Yes, and apparently, it only takes half a semester of community college to get that particular doctorate.
Leonard: We passed three of these stores on the way here. Why did you say he's just some loser who sells tires?
Sheldon: You're right, that was unfair. He's a loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas.

Sheldon: (on the phone) That's not right. It's so unreasonable. Yeah, well, if you're going to be like this, then I don't want to talk to you right now, either. Okay. I love you. Bye.
Amy: (he hangs up) Amazon customer support?
Sheldon: No, my mother. Guess who she's insisting we invite to our wedding.
Amy: Jesus?

Sheldon: (to George) It is fitting that you got into tires, because you are tiresome.
Leonard: (standing to leave) Sheldon, come on.
Sheldon: Was that too mean?
Leonard: No, not too mean. Not too good, either.

Georgie Cooper: You're my baby brother, Sheldon. I know life has been hard for you, but that doesn't mean it's been easy for the rest of us.
Sheldon: I suppose I didn't think about how it was for everyone else.
Georgie Cooper: No, that's all right. I know you didn't.
Sheldon: I'm sorry.
Georgie Cooper: Thank you.
Sheldon: And it would mean a lot to me to have my big brother at my wedding.
Georgie Cooper: I wouldn't miss it.
Leonard: (choking up) Is it me, or did we just patch a tire?
Sheldon: He said "never patch." Do you even listen?

Bernadette: Aren't you worried it's a little intense to ask someone you just met to go to a wedding?
Raj: I'm running out of time. Wh-wh-why can't there be a service where you can just pay someone to be your date for the evening?
Bernadette: Like an escort service?
Raj: No, no, no. Y-You wouldn't be paying for sex. I mean, obviously if things went well, it could lead to sex, but-but the money is for, like, you know, her time and companionship.
Bernadette: Oh, I get it. An escort service.
Raj: Stop saying that.
Bernadette: Stop meaning it.

Georgie Cooper: Look, I mean, I always looked out for him at school. I drove him everywhere. I apologized to people when he was rude.
Leonard: Yeah. I've done all that. I've also removed all the red balloons from his Lucky Charms because they weren't "Irish enough."
Georgie Cooper: All right. So you know what I'm talking about. And has he ever thanked you?
Leonard: Not in so many words, or any words.
Georgie Cooper: Would it kill him to actually say it?

Georgie Cooper: You went away to college after dad died. Who do you think took care of everything?
Sheldon: Mom did. Mom always took care of everything.
Georgie Cooper: Mom was a mess. Missy was a dumb teenager. I had to look after both of 'em.
Sheldon: I talked to mom all the time. If she was upset, she would have told me.
Georgie Cooper: She was protecting you, you idiot, just like everyone always does.
Sheldon: If things were bad, then why didn't you tell me?
Georgie Cooper: Because I was protecting you, too.

Sheldon: Hello. Room service? I'm calling about the club sandwich on your menu. No, I-I don't want one. I just want you to spell it correctly. Unless the "club" is the Poor Typing Club. Okay. Now, let's discuss this 15% gratuty? Yeah...
(hanging up)
Sheldon: Well, that was rude. Someone just lost their gratuty.

Amy: I'm getting married in a week. You are not giving me pinkeye.
Howard: I don't have pinkeye.
Penny: (jumping off the couch to block his path) Hey! Hey. Hey. Step away from the bride.
Howard: Okay. I'll go back upstairs.
Bernadette: Get in the shower and then take those clothes and burn them.
Penny: Yeah, and all the rest of your clothes!
(not sure if he heard her)
Penny: Ah, worth a shot.

Amy: Okay, so each welcome bag gets a schedule of events, a map, and chocolate from me. And from Sheldon, a bottle of Purell, the number for Poison Control in case someone accidentally drinks the Purell, and a laminated table of elements because the American school system is a failure.
Bernadette: How many out of town guests are there gonna be?
Amy: I'm actually not sure. Turns out Sheldon didn't invite his brother.
Penny: Mm. Now it's starting to sound like a wedding.
Amy: And his mom said she won't come if his brother's not there.
Bernadette: Ooh, now it's starting to sound like a good wedding.

Georgie Cooper: What the hell are you doing here?
Sheldon: Hello, Georgie.
Georgie Cooper: It's just George now.
Sheldon: Fine, George. No, I don't like it. Georgie.

Howard: Hey, Bernie? Hey. How do you know if someone has pinkeye?
Bernadette: Um, their eye would be red, swollen, and probably oozy.
Howard: Okay, thanks. Both kids have pinkeye.

Bernadette: We're so sorry we ruined your date.
Amy: Oh, boo hoo! His date got ruined. I'm about to get married, and look at me.
Penny: It looks like it's getting better.
Amy: Oh, does it? Does it look like that with your *two clear eyes*?
Penny: I'm sorry. Are you mad that I don't have pinkeye?
Amy: (simultanously with the others) What do you think?
Bernadette, Howard, Raj: Yes!

Georgie Cooper: Leonard, you know how I got the money to open up my first store? I busted my ass for it, 'cause all the extra money that we had had to go to Sheldon so he could go to college and he could go study in Germany. And do you know what he's never said to me?
Leonard: Danke schon?
(seeing George's confusion)
Leonard: It's, uh, "thank you" in German.
Georgie Cooper: Do you need me to sit on your head?

Georgie Cooper: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Why aren't you returning my phone calls?
Georgie Cooper: You're supposed to be the smart one. You figure it out.
Leonard: He's not that kind of smart. You might want to give him a hint.

Sheldon: I'm trying to invite my stupid brother to my wedding, and he's avoiding my calls.
Raj: You don't know he's avoiding your calls.
(Sheldon dials his phone and puts the call on speakerphone)
Georgie Cooper: Hey, you've reached George Cooper. Please leave a message, unless this is Sheldon again, in which case please try me on my other number, 1-800-SUCKIT.
Sheldon: See? And I know that's not a real number because why would it be toll-free?

Amy: Hey, how's it going?
Sheldon: Really good. Georgie's going to come to the wedding.
Amy: Oh, that's great!
Sheldon: Why aren't you looking at the camera?
Amy: Oh, you know, I'm just working on my peripheral vision.
Sheldon: Well, that is nonsense. Your peripheral vision is fine. Are those women's magazines making you feel bad about yourself again?
Amy: (covering) Yup, that is what's happening.
Sheldon: I have told you before, those women are airbrushed to make it look like they have good vision.

Leonard: We're looking for a Georgie Cooper.
Margaret: One second. I'll check to see if the doctor's in.
Sheldon: He is not a doctor. There's only one doctor here and it's me.
Leonard: (insulted) I'm also a doctor.
Sheldon: You want to wait in the car?
Leonard: I wanted to wait in California.

Raj: Hey, why didn't you invite him in the first place?
Sheldon: You don't know what it was like growing up with him.
Raj: I get it; I grew up with lots of brothers. My brother Adoot was especially mean.
Leonard: Really? I've never heard you mention Adoot.
Raj: Yeah, sure I have. He's the one who left the door open when were kids, and my pet mongoose ran away. Stupid Adoot!

Sheldon: Leonard, you have a brother, right?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Is he the worst? Is he an unspeakable abomination? Does the very thought of him make your skin crawl?
Leonard: Well, he laughs at his own jokes, but otherwise, he's okay.

Sheldon: Once, when I was eight, I was going to dress as my favorite scientist for Halloween, and Georgie threw my costume away. I had to wear a sheet and go as a ghost. Scared myself all night long.
Leonard: Well, look, we don't fly out until the morning. Why don't I try and talk to him, give it one more shot?
Sheldon: All right. But if he says "Nerd says what?", don't answer him.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You are a lamb to the slaughter.

Amy: You didn't invite your brother to your own wedding?
Sheldon: He tormented me my whole childhood. I don't think I should reward that type of behavior with a slice of wedding cake in the shape of the Millennium Falcon.
Amy: Try again.

Leonard: Look, short of getting on a plane and flying there, what does your mother expect you to do?
(cut to him and Sheldon in an airplane cabin)
Leonard: I kept saying "no." H-h-how am I here?

Penny: (playing with a child's toy at the doctor's office) Hey! I got all the beads to the other side.
Howard: It's not a puzzle, Penny.
Amy: Do you really want to be touching that? Do you know how many sick kids... you know what? Never mind. Knock yourself out.

Georgie Cooper: If you are here about Sheldon's wedding, don't bother.
Leonard: Come on. I-I know you two have your differences.
Georgie Cooper: You mean pretty much everything about us?
Leonard: Well, not everything. You're both tall, you have the same last name. Maybe I shouldn't have started this like it was a list.
Georgie Cooper: You have no idea what you are talking about.
Leonard: Ooh, there. That-that was very Sheldon.

Amy: Look, he may have been mean to you when you were kids, but you're both grown men now.
Sheldon: That's right. I'm a grown-up, and if I don't want to invite him to my wedding, then I won't.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: Except I have to 'cause my mommy's making me.

Georgie Cooper: You want me at your wedding, all you gotta do is ask nicely.
Sheldon: Georgie.
Georgie Cooper: George.
Sheldon: (groaning) I would like you at my wedding.
Georgie Cooper: Thank you, Sheldon. That is so nice to hear. But I would rather swallow a pregnant wildcat and crap out a litter of kittens.

Sheldon: This is all Georgie's fault. My whole childhood, he was mean to me.
Leonard: Sorry. I know what it's like to live with a bully.
Sheldon: Your brother bullied you?
Leonard: Oh, I was talking about Penny, but sure, yeah.

Howard: Bernadette says they're checking the kids now.
Penny: You know, maybe we didn't all need to come.
Amy: Hey, whatever kind of pinkeye their kids have, I have, and I need to know. And if it's viral, I'm screwed.
Howard: Maybe not. You know, I know it's not traditional wedding attire, but how about a welder's mask?
Raj: If you know a welder, that could be your "something borrowed."

Raj: So am I gonna be, like, the only single guy at Sheldon's wedding?
Leonard: No. There-there'll be a lot of single people there. Stuart, Amy's great-aunt; although, Stuart's already friended her on Facebook, so, better move quick.
Raj: I got to find a date. I don't want to be that sad single friend that everyone looks at with pity.
Leonard: Uh, I'm-I'm afraid that ship may have sailed.

Penny: (Skyping with Bernadette) Oh, my god.
Bernadette: (with both eyes puffy and infected) Yeah, I got it, too.
Penny: Wow. You really can't keep your hands off Howard, can you?
Bernadette: I know, I have a problem. I just wanted to make sure you and Amy didn't get it.
Penny: (quietly) Well, I didn't get it.
Amy: (with an infected eye of her own) You infected me a week before my wedding! What am I supposed to do about this?
Bernadette: Wear a veil?
(Penny laughs, but immediately stops upon seeing Amy's look of anger)
Penny: It is not funny.

Sheldon: No, mother. That's not fair. But he told... yes, ma'am. But I said... yes, ma'am. Goodbye.
Leonard: What'd she say?
Sheldon: She's not getting in the middle of it because we boys "need to work it out ourselves." Oh, maybe it's fine if she doesn't come to the wedding. I've got Amy now, and she can do everything a mom can do and more.
Leonard: Say that to her on the wedding night. Really spice things up.

Bernadette: Great news! It's bacterial.
(the others all rejoice and high-five)
Bernadette: What are you doing? Wash your hands.
Amy: (to Penny) Not you.

Georgie Cooper: After all my sacrifices, guess which kid my mom is the most proud of.
Leonard: If it makes you feel any better, my mom's most proud of Sheldon, too.

Leonard: Sheldon, you need to apologize to your brother.
Sheldon: (condescending) I'm sorry?
Leonard: (pointing at George) Yes. Like that, but nicer, and that way.
Sheldon: I have nothing to apologize for.
Georgie Cooper: I told you this was a bad idea. Sometimes you can't patch a tire. You just got to buy a new one. Actually, that's always the case. Never patch; buy new.

Bernadette: So, how was your date?
Raj: (with both eyes puffy and infected) It was going well until my eye dripped in her latte.

Georgie Cooper: I see you haven't changed one bit.
Sheldon: Thank you. That is a nice thing to say.
Leonard: (offering a handshake) Hey, I'm Leonard. I'm here for-for no reason.

Leonard: (seeing a cardboard cutout) So, is this Georgie?
Sheldon: Yes. And what is he even using that stethoscope to listen to?
Leonard: I don't know. Small leak?
Sheldon: All right, that makes sense.

Georgie Cooper: We haven't talked in over ten years, and now that you need something, you think you can just show up at my store? Well, let's just drop everything to accomodate Sheldon.
Sheldon: Nice try, but I am not a gullible little boy anymore. I can recognize sarcasm.
Georgie Cooper: Okay. You're right. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry.
(sarcastic)
Georgie Cooper: Tell me what you need. Your wish is my command.
Sheldon: That's better. Thank you.

Leonard: Look, I-I'm sure he was not the easiest brother to have, but it wasn't easy for him, either with you picking on him all the time.
Georgie Cooper: (with a derisive laugh) Picking on him? Is that what he told you?
Leonard: Well, what about the time you threw away his Halloween costume?
Georgie Cooper: Well, yeah, 'cause he was gonna dress as some girl scientist.
Leonard: Madam Curie?
Georgie Cooper: Oh, I didn't know she was a madam. Come on. He was still gonna get beat up for wearing that dress.
Leonard: Well, didn't you sit on his head while he tried to watch "Star Trek"?
Georgie Cooper: Well, yeah, but that was hilarious.
Leonard: That is pretty hilarious, yeah.

Notes and Trivia

Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #264 after the credits is a joke about about a guy who goes into a dentist's office, saying that he is a moth. The dentist tells him to see a psychiatrist, not a dentist; the guy says, "I saw a psychiatrist." The dentist then asks what he is doing here, but as the guy starts to respond, the card then reads that the punchline of the joke can be found on Vanity Card #265 at the end of that night's episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza (2018). That card simply read "Your light was on."

Jerry O'Connell who plays Georgie Cooper is supposed to be Sheldon's older brother by several years. In real life, O'Connell is actually about 1 year younger than Jim Parsons who plays Sheldon.

Raj mentions his brother Adoot, so between him and his sister Priya Koothrappali, two of Raj's five siblings have now been mentioned by name in the series. The names of his remaining two brothers and one sister are never revealed.

Title reference: Sheldon needs to straighten out his relationship with his brother George.

Goofs

None

Cast

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