S02E03 - The Barbarian Sublimation

No: 20  |  Season: 2   Episode: 3  |  Air Date: 2008-10-06  |  Runtime: mins

Here come the mummies, which spell do I use? The hateful strike, or the frenzy stance?

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Summary

Sheldon introduces Penny to online gaming, however she refuses to quit after becoming addicted.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Nicole Lorre / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Eric Kaplan

Script

Script: S02E03 - The Barbarian Sublimation

Quotes

Tom: I'm sorry, dude. She didn't look anything like her picture.
Leonard: They never do.

Leonard: You know there are groceries outside of your apartment?
Penny: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shh.
Leonard: I only bring it up because your ice cream's melting and it's starting to attract wildlife.

Penny: Oh, my God! A treasure chest. I'm rich!
Sheldon: Level 3 and she thinks she's rich. What a noob.

Sheldon: I believe the condensation on your frozen foods weakened the structural integrity of the bag.

Leslie Winkle: Well don't turn it off, you might miss your call from the Nobel Committee letting you know you've been nominated as dumbass laureate of the year.
Sheldon: Oh yeah? Well... you wouldn't even be nominated!

Leonard: Shouldn't you be at work?
Penny: I don't work on Mondays.
Leonard: It's Thursday.

Leonard: You want to catch me up?
Sheldon: Well, let's see. Uh, she attempted to open her apartment with her car key because her face is overly Midwestern. Uh, she hasn't had sex in six months. And she ate a fly.
Leonard: Uh-huh. Seriously? Six months?

Sheldon: Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She's interfering with my sleep, she's interfering with my work, and if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that too.

Sheldon: Just tell me, is it too soon to join a quest to the black castle?
Sheldon: You were invited on a quest to the black castle?
Penny: Yeah yeah, by some guys in Budapest. I'm just not sure it's the right move for my character.
Sheldon: Of course it's not. You're only at level 25. These Hungarians are just using you for dragon fodder.

Leonard: (watching fluid bounce on a stereo speaker) Hey, check it out. It's just cornstarch and water.
Sheldon: They make up a non-Newtonian fluid which is liquid, but it's solid under the percussive action of the speaker.
Howard: That's what makes it get all funky.

Sheldon: Make yourself comfortable.
(Penny starts to sit on Sheldon's "spot" on the sofa)
Sheldon: Not there.

Penny: No, Fritz, I need you on my flank. I don't know German. Flanken Sie! Flanken Sie!

Raj: It's like some kind of weird comic book crossover.
Howard: Like if Hulk were dating Peppermint Patty.
Raj: I always thought Peppermint Patty was a lesbian.
Leonard: No, that's Marcie. Peppermint Patty is just athletic.

Penny: Uh, Queen Penelope AFK. What?
Leonard: Okay, um, here's the thing, um, sometimes people, good people, you know, they start playing these games and they find themselves through no fault of their own, you know, kind of, addicted.
Penny: Yeah, get to the point, I'm about to level up here.
Leonard: Well, i-i-i-it's just if a person doesn't have a sense of achievement in their real life it's easy to lose themselves in a virtual world where they get a false sense of accomplishment.
Penny: Yeah, jabber jabber jabber, okay boys, Queen Penelope's back online.
Leonard: Penny, you've got cheetos in your hair.
Penny: Oh, thanks.
(Eats it)

Sheldon: If it is a crime to ensure that the university's resources are not being squandered chasing subatomic wild geese, then I plead guilty.

Penny: (Penny walks into Sheldon's room as he's sleeping) Sheldon?
(walks towards his bed)
Penny: Sheldon?
Sheldon: (Sheldon abruptly sits up after a dream) Danger, danger!
Penny: No danger, look it's just me, Penny. Listen, I got to level 25 and reached Purple lotus swamp, right?
Sheldon: You're in my bedroom.
Penny: Yes, Leonard gave me an emergency key.
Sheldon: People can't be in my bedroom.
Penny: Ok, well, can we go talk in the living room?
Sheldon: I'm not wearing pajama bottoms.
Penny: Why not?
Sheldon: I spilled grape juice.
Penny: Well, wear different pajamas.
Sheldon: Can't wear different pajamas; these are my Monday pajamas.

Sheldon: These are market research questions. I'm filling out the online registration for your game.
(Sheldon is really setting up an online dating profile for Penny at Headoverheelz.com)

Sheldon: (Leonard comes walking out of his bedroom and hears this conversation coming from inside Sheldon's bedroom) Please, Penny, enough. I have to sleep.
Penny: Ok, well, you were great. Thanks.
(Penny comes walking out of Sheldon's room quietly before spotting Leonard standing there)
Penny: Oh. Hey, Leonard, don't go in Sheldon's room, he's not wearing bottoms.
(she walks away)
Leonard: (knocks on Sheldon's door) Sheldon, you want to catch me up again?

Sheldon: Would you prefer to wait in our apartment?
Penny: No, Sheldon, I'd rather sit on this freezing cold floor sobbing like a three-year-old.
Sheldon: All right then.
Penny: For God's sake!
(Goes inside)
Sheldon: Just when I think I've gotten the hang of sarcasm.

Sheldon: On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being always initiated by him and 5 being always initiated by you. How do you prefer your sexual encounters to begin?
Penny: That's on the registration?
Sheldon: Oh yes, it's quite extensive. But if we complete it, you get a free expansion pack, 75 additional quests.
Penny: Ooh, awesome. Okay, I totally like to initiate. I'm a big old 5.

Sheldon: Perhaps you should call a locksmith and have him open the door for you.
Penny: I did. He said he'll get here when he gets here.
Sheldon: And you're frustrated because he phrased his reply in the form of a meaningless tautology?
Penny: No. I'm frustrated because I'm a failure at everything and my breath smells like fly.

Sheldon: If you don't figure something out, I warn you I shall become very difficult to live with.
Leonard: You mean up until now we've been experiencing the happy fun-time Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: I'll go talk to her.

Howard: (speaking through an avatar) Hello, fair Penny.
Penny: Who are you?
Howard: It is I, Sir Howard of Wolowitz. Can I interest you in an afternoon of spirited questing, followed by a flagon of ale at yon virtual tavern?
Penny: Yeah, sure, why not?
Penny: (looking up from her laptop with a horrified expression) Oh my God, I need help.
(shuts laptop and pushes it away)

Sheldon: I even changed my Facebook status to: "Sheldon Cooper wishes Penny would leave him alone." I don't know what else to do.

Leonard: Sheldon, wake up.
Sheldon: Danger! Danger!

Sheldon: Sheldor back on line.
Penny: What's AFK?
Sheldon: AFK. Away from keyboard.
Penny: Oh, I see.
Sheldon: What does that stand for?
Penny: Oh, I see.
Sheldon: Yes, but what does it stand for?

Sheldon: Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter Atzel's Fortress; now, this is a long run so let's do another bladder check. All right, Barry, we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor.
(hears banging outside)
Sheldon: Sheldor is AFK.
(goes into hall)
Sheldon: Penny, are you experiencing some sort of difficulty?
Penny: Yes, I can't get my stupid door open.
Sheldon: You appear to have put your car key in the door lock; are you aware of that?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: All right, then.
Penny: Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!
Sheldon: Would it be possible for you to do this a little more quietly?
Penny: I can't get the damn key out.
Sheldon: It's not surprising. That Baldwin lock on your door uses traditional edge-mounted cylinders, whereas the key for your Volkswagen uses a center cylinder system.
Penny: Thank you, Sheldon!
Sheldon: You're welcome. Point of inquiry: why did you put your car key in the door lock?
Penny: Why? I'll tell you why. Because today I had an audition, it took me two hours to get there, I waited an hour for my turn, and before I could even start they told me I looked too Midwest for the part. Too Midwest? What the hell does that even mean?
Sheldon: Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic peoples who, well they have a characteristic facial bone structure...
Penny: I know what it means, Sheldon! God! You know, I have been in L.A. for almost two years now, and I haven't got a single acting job. I have accomplished nothing, haven't gotten a raise at work, haven't even had sex in six months, and just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I ate it.
Sheldon: Well, actually, insects are a dietary staple in many cultures, they're almost pure protein.

Notes and Trivia

This episode was watched by 9.33 million people with a rating of 3.7 (adults 18-49).

Goofs

None

Cast

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