Stuart Quotes - Big Bang Theory
Stuart quotes from the hit show "Big Bang Theory"
Stuart: I don't want to play anymore. It's too much pressure.
Wil Wheaton: Why? What happened?
Stuart: I've-I've said too much.
Wil Wheaton: You haven't said anything.
Stuart: Not to you. To them.
Wil Wheaton: Who's "them"?
Stuart: AHH! Now I have said too much!
Stuart: I don't know what you're talking about.
Raj: Then why are you trembling?
Stuart: I'm always trembling.
Stuart: Is it me or has no one been in the store for hours?
Denise: Yeah, it's weirdly quiet. Nobody's in the street.
Stuart: Huh, that's strange.
Denise: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Stuart: They cut that meteorite open and unleashed a space plague.
Denise: Exactly.
Stuart: Let me just lock up here.
Denise: Okay, so what do we do?
Stuart: Uh, well, if this is a worst case scenario and we're the last two people alive we're gonna have to rebuild civilization.
Denise: Do you have any special skills?
Stuart: I can draw. How bout you?
Denise: I can play clarinet.
Stuart: I didn't know that.
Denise: Yeah. Ten years. Ah.
Stuart: You know, it, uh, might also be up to us to repopulate the earth.
Denise: I'm okay with that.
Stuart: So shall we?
Denise: Wait here. I'm gonna brush my teeth.
Stuart: (Sheldon shows up) We're closed.
Sheldon: This is going on Yelp.
Stuart: Whoa, whoa! You're not gonna cut open a meteor, are you? Have you not learned anything from comic books? Space viruses? Pod people? I sell nothing, but warnings.
Stuart: I didn't know your roommate was moving out.
Denise: Yeah. I've been looking for a new one, but... so far no luck.
Penny: (pointedly) You hear that? She needs a rommmate.
Denise: What do you think, Stuart?
Stuart: (mumbling) Uh, i-i-it, uh... flight.
(leaving as fast as he can)
Stuart: Flight.
Penny: (to Leonard) That was hard to watch.
Stuart: (to Denise) Wanna see my room?
Denise: Yeah.
Stuart: Cool.
(And they head off)
Bernadette: (to Howard, quietly) How do you feel about this?
Howard: She can clearly do better, but that's not for me to say.
Bernadette: No. Them in his room. Doing stuff.
Howard: C'mon. We're sitting right out here. They're not going to do anything.
(as soon as that's out of his mouth, suddenly Sade's "Smooth Operator" starts playing loudly from his room)
Howard: I'd like to change my answer.
Stuart: I wanted to look my best for our date. and I made a series of bad decisions, one of which is hidden by my pants.
Denise: Wow.
Stuart: Do you still wanna go out with me?
Denise: Absolutely. Hey, maybe we can go find Nemo together.
Stuart: Hey, dude.
Denise: Dude?
Stuart: Yeah, you know, just want you to know that I don't think of you as a woman.
Denise: Oh, perfect. I don't think of you as a man.
Stuart: Great. So, as two genderless blobs of human flesh, how would you like to go to Sheldon and Amy's wedding with me?
Denise: Oh, Stuart. Look, I appreciate that, but it just might be a little weird, considering you're my boss.
Howard: (entering) Guess who's gonna officiate Sheldon and Amy's wedding! Mark Hamill! Luke Skywalker is gonna be at the wedding!
Denise: (to Stuart) You'll need to buy me a dress.
Stuart: Oh, the funniest thing happened today. You know the receipt tape in the cash register? It ran out. I didn't even know it could do that.
Stuart: Ain't no party like a Stuart party, 'cause Stuart... never gets invited to parties.
Stuart: I'm, uh, I'm running a special today, uh, buy something, keep having a comic book store to come to.
Raj: This is awkward. I was actually gonna return this.
Stuart: What's wrong with it?
Raj: I-I finished it.
Stuart: You wanna play a game of who's more desperate with me? 'Cause you're in the big leagues now, Bucko.
Stuart: Who would've thought that Sheldon and Amy would be the next two to tie the knot?
Raj: Tell me about. I'm the one who caught the bouquet at Leonard and Penny's wedding.
Stuart: Okay. Uh, you know, they might like this. Superman and Wonder Woman, it's kind of romantic.
Raj: Hmm. You know what? Why am I buying them a gift? They have love. Screw them and their happiness. What do you have for someone who's bitter and alone?
Stuart: (gesturing around the store) Literally everything.
Stuart: Instead of arguing all night, let's just split up the baby chores.
Raj: Yeah, great. Um, I'll put food in the top half; you deal with whatever comes out the bottom.
Stuart: Anyone else need anything before I go?
Howard: I'll give you a dollar if you make fun of Raj.
Stuart: Aw, that's mean.
Howard: Five.
Stuart: (to Raj) You look like Tigger, if Tigger looked like a jackass.
Stuart: It shows me all the single women in a 5-mile radius who are using the app. If I like the way they look, I hit thumbs up. If I don't, thumbs down.
Bernadette: What would make you give a girl a thumbs down.
Stuart: First time it happens, I will let you know.
Stuart: Do you guys know any musicians?
Howard: Why?
Stuart: I was thinking it might be cool to have live music here a few nights a week, you know. Give this place more of a "staying in business" vibe.
Howard: What kind of music are you thinking of?
Stuart: I like all kinds of music. But my favorite genre is "free".
Stuart: What are you talking about? There's nothing weird going on between me and your mother.
Debbie Wolowitz: Stewie! Your bath is getting cold!
Stuart: Sorry, gotta go.
Stuart: So, I met Jeanie at your Aunt Gladys's. She passed me the Manischewitz, so I took one look at this punim and almost plotzed on the kugel.
Stuart: I don't mean to be rude, Sheldon, but, uh, my life is kind of falling apart right now.
Sheldon: Your life? The university is making me do string theory. And my girlfriend loves me so much she wants to live with me. And now, the place I need to go when I'm sad is damp and smells funny.
Stuart: How about those guys on that bench over there; they look pathetic. Bet we could talk to them.
Raj: That's a mirror.
Stuart: When I was a baby, my mother called me her little possum.
Raj: Are possums cute?
Stuart: Not at all.
Stuart: I gotta tell you, this is the most holiday fun I've had since my therapist changed my anxiety medication and I stopped caring about the blood in my stool.
Stuart: I don't remember you buying these miniatures in my store.
Leonard: Oh, uhl, yeah, I got 'em on Amazon.
Stuart: Sure, I get it. Why support a friend when you can support a multinational conglomerate that is crushing the life out of that friend?
Leonard: I know, but when I shop online I can do it on the toilet.
Stuart: Have you seen my store? The whole place is a toilet.
Stuart: Need help finding anything you like?
Amy: Yeah, a comic book without a woman whose bosom could be used as a flotation device.
Stuart: Sorry, people who come here like big boobs. Some of them have big boobs.
Stuart: Hot girl, 9 o'clock. Don't everybody look at once.
Raj: What is she doing in a comic book store?
Stuart: I don't know. She might be lost.
Howard: (to Leonard) Did you just pick a girl up in a comic book store?
Stuart: Because if you did, you get your picture up there, on The Wall of Heroes.
Wil Wheaton: Hey, I'm having a party at my house on Friday and I was hoping you'd stop by?
Stuart: Will there be girls there?
Wil Wheaton: Yeah. Of course.
Stuart: Because there wasn't last time.
Leonard: 210, and you throw in the Iron Man helmet.
Stuart: Are you crazy? That helmet's signed by Robert Downey Jr.
Leonard: So?
Stuart: Okay, if you're gonna question the importance of an actor's signature on a plastic helmet from a movie based on a comic book, then all of our lives have no meaning!
Stuart: (negotiating with Leonard and Sheldon for a sword) 225. That's my final offer.
Sheldon: (to Leonard) Take it, take it, take it!
Leonard: 200.
Stuart: Man, you're killing me!
Sheldon: Killing you? I can't breathe!
Stuart: (on the phone) I'm telling you the Match.com chicks are much looser than on eHarmony. Uh, now I, I gotta call you back. I won a bet and it's time to collect.
(Howard, Sheldon, Leonard and Raj enter the comic store dressed as Batgirl, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, and Catwoman)
Raj: I don't know about you, but I feel empowered.
Penny: Got any fun plans?
Stuart: Oh yeah, big night tonight. Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.
Penny: What would you recommend as a present for a 13-year old boy?
Stuart: Um, a 13-year old girl?
Leonard: Hey Stuart, this is Penny. She's just looking for some comic books.
Stuart: Oh really, wow.
(to Penny)
Stuart: Blink twice if you're here against your will.
Penny: You know, it's kind of early. Do you want to maybe come in for some coffee or something?
Stuart: Oh, gee. It's a little late for coffee, isn't it?
Penny: Oh... you think coffee means coffee. That is so sweet.
