Bernadette Quotes - Big Bang Theory
Bernadette quotes from the hit show "Big Bang Theory"
Bernadette: I was taking a shower this morning, and when I got out I started to dry off with what I thought what a towel but turned out to be Howard's mom's underwear. I had to take another shower. It wasn't enough. Nothing will ever be enough.
Bernadette: Howie, I know you went to space. I'm incredibly proud of you. But you might wanna try and not bring it up every minute.
Howard: I don't talk about it every minute.
Bernadette: Tonight at dinner, you went on about it for an hour straight.
Howard: What was I supposed to talk about? We were eating at Johnny Rockets.
Bernadette: I'm just saying, people are getting a little tired of it.
Howard: So, I did this amazing thing and I'm never allowed to mention it?
Bernadette: Of course you can. But maybe a good rule would be to wait for people to bring it up.
Bernadette: Listen mister, you're gonna talk to your mother and you're gonna fix this or that thing I said I was gonna do to you the minute you got home, you can do to yourself.
Dimitri: Like he's been doing since he got here.
Bernadette: Oh, Howie! A little star. It's beautiful! Put it on me.
Howard: Okay. But I'm gonna have to get it back from you, so I can take it to the International Space Station. That way, when I come home, you will have a star that was actually in space.
Bernadette: My God!
Howard: Take that, every guy who's ever bought you anything!
Bernadette: I have to get up early. My company is developing a steroid that doesn't shrink testicles, and the last one there has to do the measuring.
Bernadette: I don't think I can meet the girl who was always mean to me, Tammy Bodnick. One time while I was in gym class she stole all my clothes and left an elf costume in my locker. The worst part was, it was too big.
Amy: That's nothing. In ninth grade, the girls put Rogaine in my hand lotion. Within six months, the nicknames began to fly. I think the one that hurt the most was Gorilla Fingers Fowler.
Bernadette: Honey, it doesn't matter what you did in the past. You're a good person now.
Penny: That's easy for you to say. You weren't just called a bu-bu-bu-bitch.
Bernadette: We should play Limbo next. No one beats me at limbo!
Bernadette: I still think he looks like someone's pet. Maybe we should put up posters.
Sheldon: Yes. It should have a big picture of him and the words: "Is this your bird? Not anymore."
Bernadette: I had no choice! I had to tell his mother! He can't go to space! He's like a baby bird! Did you know he once got an asthma attack from reading an old library book?
Amy: You're kidding.
Penny: No, I was there that day. Sheldon threw his back out handing him that book.
Bernadette: I was headhunted by a big pharmaceutical company. They're gonna pay me a butt-load of money!
Howard: What?
Leonard: Bernadette, that's great. Howard, do you make a butt-load?
Howard: Better than what you got a butt-load of.
Bernadette: You're a putz! You know what that means?
Howard: Yeah, do you?
Bernadette: Your mother just taught it to me. She thinks she got food poisoning from that deli and she just wanted to make sure I was okay.
Howard: And are you?
Bernadette: No, because I'm engaged to a putz!
Bernadette: You texted me Penny's dating an astronaut.
Amy: I texted architect. That's amusing. Auto-correct must've changed it.
Bernadette: Yeah, it's hysterical.
Bernadette: I can't do this anymore! I'm a good girl! I went to Catholic school!
Bernadette: I took Howard to the beach once. He almost burst into flames like a vampire.
Bernadette: Can I stay here tonight?
Penny: Yeah. Why, what happened?
Bernadette: Howard's a complete and total ass.
Penny: Oh yeah, that. Come on in.
Bernadette: How do you know him?
Penny: Oh, we went out a couple times.
Amy: I'm often flummoxed by current slang. Does 'went out' mean 'had intercourse'?
Bernadette: Yes,
Penny: No, no. But in this case yes.
Bernadette: Howard, you did have a real woman. I was right there in the next room while you were clicking that troll's brains out.
Bernadette: Howard, a girl doesn't go out with a man like you, with your looks, your fancy patter, and your tight hoochie pants if she isn't expecting him to eventually make the move.
Bernadette: I'm starved. When you spend all day in a bio lab watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.
Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria, and yet I still want to kiss this woman. What does that tell you?
Penny: That you'd be willing to die a horrible death on the off chance you'd get to second base.
Bernadette: We're way past second base. Right, Howard?
Howard: Uh, we kind of disagree about what the bases are.
Bernadette: (forgiving Wolowitz after an argument) Come here, Tushy Face.
Leonard: (as they kiss, he snickers and pulls out his phone) "Tushy Face". That is going on Twitter right now.
Bernadette: I don't have Howard's street cred.
Bernadette: Don't take him too seriously. A lot of what he says is intended as humor.
Penny: Yeah, well, I don't think it's very funny.
Bernadette: Me, neither. But, he just lights up when I laugh.
Penny: Howard, never let her go.
Howard: How about computers? Do you like computers?
Bernadette: I use them. I don't like them.
(Howard and Bernadette are out on their first date)
Howard: (Howard's cell phone rings with 'She Blinded Me With Science') Damn, it's my mother.
Bernadette: Are you going to answer it?
Howard: Well, I'm torn. She might be dying; you know, wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail, I could play it over and over.
Bernadette: I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.
Howard: (laughs it off) Not as crazy as my mother makes me.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah? Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
Bernadette: Okay, well does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning, like you're nine years old?
Howard: You live with your mother?
Bernadette: No. That's the sad part.
Howard: Oh. Okay, check this out. My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.
Bernadette: That's nothing. I couldn't ride a bicycle 'cause my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.
Howard: Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?
Bernadette: Not on a bicycle. In a Camry.
Howard: Corolla! More wine?
Bernadette: I'd love some.
Howard: Listen, you have to come to shabbos dinner at my house sometime.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Well, a Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.
Bernadette: Okay. But only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.
Howard: It's a date.
(they laugh and clink wine glasses)
Penny: Am I a matchmaker or what?
Howard: Do you like science fiction?
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Role-playing games?
Bernadette: Like in the bedroom or like Dungeons and Dragons?
Howard: Either.
Bernadette: No.
