S09E23 - The Line Substitution Solution

No: 206  |  Season: 9   Episode: 23  |  Air Date: 2016-05-05  |  Runtime: mins

Penny: Maybe you can not psychoanalyze everything I say? Beverly: And how does it make you feel when I psychoanalyze everything you say?

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Summary

Sheldon hires Stuart to spend the day with Amy when he would rather go to the movies. Meanwhile, Penny struggles to make a connection with Leonard's mother when she comes to visit.

Director and Writers

Director: Anthony Rich
Writers: Story by: Steve Holland & Saladin K. Patterson & Tara Hernandez / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Eric Kaplan & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S09E23 - The Line Substitution Solution

Quotes

Penny: (Sheldon holds up a flash card) Helium.
Sheldon: Yes.
(Penny holds up a picture flash card)
Sheldon: Taylor Swift.
Penny: Yes.
(Sheldon holds up another card)
Penny: Pi.
Sheldon: Yes.
(Penny holds up another picture)
Sheldon: Kardashian.
Penny: More specific.
Sheldon: (after a pause) Khlo??
Penny: Yes!
Sheldon: Ah! See, I remember because if it looks like Kim, it's Kim; if it looks kinda like Kim, it's Kourtney; if it looks nothing like Kim, it's Khlo?.
Penny: (Sheldon holds up another card) Oh, that's a venn diagram. And I remember because I thought to myself: 'Venn is he going to stop talking about this diagram?'
(Leonard enters)
Leonard: What are you guys doing?
Sheldon: Oh, well, we decided to use our breakfast time to expand our respective knowledge bases.
Leonard: Hnh. Let me try.
(Sheldon and Penny each hold up a card)
Leonard: Atom of hydrogen; Adam of Maroon 5; mike drop.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, who is Mike Drop?

Howard: (about Raj's stick chair) You look like you come with a kickstand.
Raj: You can't make me feel bad.
Howard: Maybe not. Leonard?
Leonard: So, when the aliens brought you back, they just left the probe in?

Sheldon: Bad news. Amy's making me go shopping with her later, so... looks like none of us can go.
Leonard: You do realize we're allowed to have fun without you,
Howard: In fact, that's usually the trick to it.

Stuart: (Gets into Amy's car) Hey.
Amy: What are you doing here? You're not Sheldon.
Stuart: I thought that might come up. Sheldon hired me to go shopping with you.
Amy: Hold on. He paid you to get out of spending time with me?
Stuart: No, it's not like that. There's a long line he'd rather stand in.

Stuart: Anyone else need anything before I go?
Howard: I'll give you a dollar if you make fun of Raj.
Stuart: Aw, that's mean.
Howard: Five.
Stuart: (to Raj) You look like Tigger, if Tigger looked like a jackass.

Bernadette: (knocks on bathroom door) Howie, you doin' OK? You've been in there a while.
Howard: I'm fine. Be right out.
Howard: Am I an American hero? Oh, it's a good question, Jim. Don't you think that once an astronaut leaves the planet he's a hero to all the nations of the earth?
(toilet flushes)
Howard: Okey-dokey, I think I have time for one more question.

Penny: She's my mother-in-law; why can't I bond with her like that?
Bernadette: Amy's with Sheldon who she loves like a son. You're with her son. Who she doesn't.

Stuart: Sheldon, you are the most inconsiderate person I have ever met in my entire life. Where do you get off sending me to shop with your girlfriend?
Sheldon: I don't understand. You were happy to do this when I hired you. Why are you upset with me now?
Stuart: I'm not upset with you, but Amy's pretty bent out of shape, so she hired me to let you have it.

Penny: So if we would have asked you to come to Vegas to see us get married, you would have come?
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: No, I would have said you're making a huge mistake. But an invitation would have been nice.

Penny: You really want me to pick up your mother all by myself?
Leonard: I just feel like it would be a good chance for you to bond.
Penny: Or a way for you to avoid her?
Leonard: I don't know what he is putting on those cards, but you are smarter than ever.

Bernadette: (Knock on door) Maybe it's Sheldon here to say he's sorry.
(She opens the door, it's Stuart with a bouquet)
Stuart: Sheldon says he's sorry.
Amy: Bernadette, I'll give you five dollars to slam the door.
Stuart: (as the door closes) I would've done it for three!

Leonard: Hey Penny, do you want to go to the airport with me later to pick up my mother?
Penny: Sure.
Leonard: Thanks.
Penny: No problem.
Leonard: Hey Penny, um, since you're already going to be at the airport, do I need to go?

Sheldon: You need to go to the end of the line.
Trevor: Uh, who made you line monitor?
Sheldon: Mrs. Wuntch in fourth grade. My slogan was "A line that's straight is a line that's great."
Trevor: (to Leonard) Is this guy for real?
Leonard: Boy, I wish I could say no.

Howard: We've waited in a lot of lines together, haven't we?
Sheldon: Remember when we camped out for the Doctor Who panel at Comic-Con?
Raj: Yeah. Sleeping under the stars with other fans who love the show as much as we do.
Leonard: Waking up wondering which of those fans stole our wallets.

Penny: I've been trying to make a connection with you all day, and clearly I'm getting nowhere.
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Well, are you seeking a connection or just some form of validation?
Penny: What I was seeking was some sort of friendship, but at this point I'll take you not insulting me to my face.
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: My intention was never to insult you.
Penny: You've been doing it all day; do you even know what an insult is?
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Well, it's not a clinical term, but one example would be your marrying my son and not inviting me or even telling me the wedding was taking place.
Penny: (long pause) OK, good example!

Notes and Trivia

The "new Avengers movie" that the guys are waiting in line for is Captain America: Civil War (2016). Technically it isn't an Avengers movie, although it was nicknamed "Avengers: Part 2.5" by the fans since all regular Avengers characters were in it, except for Thor and the Hulk. The Q&A session with Joss Whedon is a bit strange since Whedon had no affiliation with this movie (although he did direct the previous Avenger movie, Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), that Sheldon has some questions about). ETA: Q and A sessions typically take place several months or a year after a movie has been released, therefore the gang is waiting to discuss Avengers: Age of Ultron, which released a year earlier.

This is the first time that Beverly appears on the show without sharing a scene with Leonard, the first time that she appears in Penny's apartment, and the first time she has a conversation with Amy and Bernadette.

Goofs

None

Cast

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