S01E03 - The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

No: 3  |  Season: 1   Episode: 3  |  Air Date: 2007-10-08  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn't, would you want me to tell you?

Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon. A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms. Or hits you with the pepper spray.

I have noticed that Lesley Winkle recently started shaving her legs. Now, given that winter is coming one can only assume that she is signalling sexual availability.

I'm trying to see how long it takes a five hundred kilowatt oxygen iodine laser to heat up my cup o' noodles.

Leonard: I was thinking more of a bio-social exploration with a neuro-chemical overlay. Lesley: Wait, are you asking me out?

We tried kissing, but the earth didn't move. I mean any more than the 383 miles that it was going to move anyway.

Leonard: Can you tell I'm perspiring a little? Sheldon: No. The dark crescent-shaped patterns under your arms conceal it nicely.

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Summary

Leonard gets upset when he discovers that Penny is seeing a new guy, so he tries to trick her into going on a date with him.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Steven Molaro

Script

Script: S01E03 - The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Quotes

Sheldon: There is no more Sheldon, I am the Sword Master!

Leonard: I didn't like the look of the guy that she was with.
Wolowitz: Because he looks better than you?
Leonard: Yeah. He was kind of dreamy.
Sheldon: Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.

Sheldon: Oh, come on, Leonard... This is obviously about Penny
Leonard: It doesn't matter. The woman's not interested in me. The woman rejected me.
Sheldon: Okay, look. Ahem. I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker. Nevertheless, I do feel obligated to point out to you that she did not reject you. You did not ask her out.
Leonard: You're right. I didn't ask her out. I should ask her out.
Sheldon: No, no, no. That was not my point. My point was, don't buy a cat.

Sheldon: Do you really think that your relationship needs will be fulfilled by a genetically altered cat?
Leonard: Maybe, if it's a cute, cuddly cat.

Penny: Was this supposed to be a date?
Leonard: This? No. No, of course not, this was just you and me hanging out with a bunch of guys who didn't show up, because of work and a colonoscopy.
Penny: Okay, I was just checking.
Leonard: When I take a girl out on a date, and I do, she knows she's been dated. Capital D. Bold face, underline, like Day-ted. I think I might have a little concussion, I'm going to go lay down for a while, good night.

(about Leonard dating Penny)
Leonard: Oh you know what maybe this isn't such a good idea.
Sheldon: Oh no, no, no well, no. There's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgment on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening.

Wolowitz: So, how did it go with Leslie?
Leonard: We tried kissing but the Earth didn't move. I mean any more than the 383 miles it was gonna move anyway.

(Leonard hits his head under the table at the restaurant)
Penny: Are you OK ?
Leonard: Yeah, I'm OK... Did you spill ketchup ?
Penny: No.
Leonard: I'm not OK!

Koothrappali: Tonight I spice my meat with goblin blood!

Leonard: I'm a perfectly nice guy! There's no reason we couldn't go to the restaurant and have a lovely dinner. Maybe we could go for a walk afterwards, talk about things we have in common: You love pottery? I love pottery! There's a pause-we both know what's happening-I lean in and we kiss; it's a little tentative at first, but then I realize she's kissing me back and she's biting my lower lip, you know? She wants me! This thing is going the distance, we're going to have sex! Oh, God, oh my GOD!
(Leonard descends into a panic attack)
Sheldon: Is the sex starting now?

Sheldon: Oh, I hope that scratching post is for you!

Sheldon: I'm all sweaty. Anybody want to log on to Second Life? I just had a swimming pool built.
Wolowitz: No, thank you. I can't stand to look at you or your avatar right now.

Sheldon: So? How was your date?
Leonard: Awesome!
Sheldon: Score one for liquor and poor judgment.

Leonard: Can you tell that I'm sweating?
Sheldon: No, the crescent-shaped stains under your armpits conceal it quite nicely.

Wolowitz: There are pitfalls, trust me, I know. When it comes to sexual harassment law I'm bit of a self taught expert.
Leonard: Look Howard if I were to ask Leslie Winkle out it would just be for dinner. I'm not gonna walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me.
Wolowitz: Oh, then you're probably OK.

Leonard: I was thinking more of a bio-social exploration with a neuro-chemical overlay.
Leslie Winkle: Wait, are you asking me out?
Leonard: I was going to characterize it as the modification of our colleague/friendship paradigm, with the addition of a date-like component, but we don't need to quibble over terminology.
Leslie Winkle: What sort of experiment would you propose?
Leonard: There is a generally accepted pattern in this area. I would pick you up, take you to a restaurant, then we would see a movie, probably a romantic comedy featuring the talents of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock.
Leslie Winkle: Interesting. And would you agree that the primary way we would evaluate either the success or failure of the date would be based on the biochemical reaction during the goodnight kiss?
Leonard: Heart rate, pheromones, etc. Yes.
Leslie Winkle: Well, why don't we just stipulate that the date goes well and move to the key variable?
Leonard: You mean, kiss you now?
Leslie Winkle: Yes.
Leonard: Can you define the parameters of the kiss?
Leslie Winkle: Closed mouth, but romantic. Mint?
Leonard: Thank you. Shall I count down from three?
Leslie Winkle: No, I think it needs to be spontaneous.
(they kiss)
Leslie Winkle: What do you think?
Leonard: You proposed the experiment. I think you should present your findings first.
Leslie Winkle: Fair enough. On the plus side, it was a good kiss, reasonable technique, no extraneous spittle. On the other hand, no arousal.
Leonard: None?
Leslie Winkle: None.
Leonard: Ah, well, thank you for your time.
(they shake hands)

(Leonard is depressed over seeing Penny with another guy and is handling it by listening to emo music and considering buying a cat. He enters with headphones on singing "Boston" by Augustana, badly)
Leonard: 'She said you don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah... '
Sheldon: Oh, good Lord.
Leonard: 'She said you don't know me, you don't wear my chaaaiiins, oh yeah... '
(takes off headphones)
Leonard: That's a good song!
Sheldon: If you're compiling a mix CD for a double suicide.

Wolowitz: Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon. A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms. Or hits you with the pepper spray...

Leonard: Hey, what's going on?
Sheldon: Internet's been down for half an hour.
Koothrappali: Also, Sheldon may be a robot.

Penny: (Leonard bangs his head under the table) Are you okay?
Leonard: Yeah, I'm okay. Hey, Penny... did you spill any ketchup?
Penny: No.
Leonard: I am NOT okay!

Leslie Winkle: I'm trying to see how long it takes a five hundred kilowatt oxygen-iodine laser to heat up my Cup-A-Noodles.

Howard: (Leonard, Sheldon, Howard & Raj are on their laptops playing an online role playing game) All right, just a few more feet and...
(pause)
Howard: Here we are gentlemen, the Gates Of Elzebub.
Sheldon: Good lord!
Leonard: Don't panic, this is what the last 97 hours have been about.
Howard: Stay frosty. There's a horde of armed goblins on the other side of that gate guarding the Sword Of Azeroth.
Leonard: Warriors, unsheathe your weapons. Magic wielders, raise your wands.
Sheldon: Lock and load.
Howard: Raj, blow the gates.
Raj: Blowing the gates.
(pressing keys)
Raj: Control, shift, B.
(sound of the gates blowing)
Raj: Oh my God, so many goblins!
Howard: Don't just stand there, slash and move! Slash and move!
Leonard: Stay in formation!
Howard: Leonard, you've got one on your tail!
Leonard: That's all right, my tail's prehensile, I'll swat him off!
Raj: I got him Leonard. Tonight, I spice my meat with goblin blood!
Leonard: Raj, no, it's a trap! Thay're flanking us!
Raj: (in a wimpy tone) Oh, he's got me.
Howard: Sheldon, he's got Raj, use your sleep spell! Sheldon!
(changes to an annoyed whisper)
Howard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: I've got the Sword Of Azeroth!
Leonard: Forget the sword Sheldon, help Raj.
Sheldon: There is no more Sheldon! I am the sword master!
Howard: Leonard look out!
Leonard: Damn it man, we're dying here!
Sheldon: Goodbye peasents.
Leonard: The bastard teleported.
Raj: (looks at Sheldon's screen) He's selling the sword of Azeroth on eBay.
Leonard: You betrayed us for money? Who are you?

Wolowitz: Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn't, would you want me to tell you?
Sheldon: That depends. When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it?
Wolowitz: Maybe, although the history of science fiction is not on your side.
Sheldon: Uh, let me ask you this: when I learn that I'm a robot, would I be bound by Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?
Koothrappali: You might be bound by them right now.
Wolowitz: That's true. Have you ever harmed a human being, or, through inaction, allowed a human being to come to harm?
Sheldon: Of course not.
Koothrappali: Have you ever harmed yourself or allowed yourself to be harmed except in cases where a human being would've been endangered?
Sheldon: Well, no.
Wolowitz: I smell robot.

Sheldon: I have noticed that Leslie Winkle recently started shaving her legs. Now given that winter is coming, one can only assume she's signaling sexual availability.

Leonard: I'm fine. Penny's fine. The guy she's kissing is really fine.
Wolowitz: Kissing? What kind of kissing? Cheeks? Lips? Chase? French?
Leonard: What is wrong with you?
Wolowitz: I'm a romantic!

Notes and Trivia

Howard refers to Isaac Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics which were introduced in his 1942 short story "Runaround".

Johnny Galecki and Sara Gilbert previously played boyfriend/girlfriend, and then husband/wife, on Roseanne (1988).

Leonard (Johnny Galecki)'s full name is Leonard Leakey Hofstadter.

Sheldon seems very against getting a cat and Leonard implies he is allergic to cats. However, in The Zazzy Substitution (2010), after his break up with Amy Farrah Fowler, Sheldon adopts 20 cats and says he has a great affinity for cats.

The song that Leonard (Johnny Galecki) is singing is "Boston" by Augustana.

Title reference: "Fuzzy Boots" was one of the names that Leonard was considering for his cat.

Goofs

None

Cast

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