S02E22 - The Classified Materials Turbulence

No: 39  |  Season: 2   Episode: 22  |  Air Date: 2009-05-04  |  Runtime: mins

Look, Leonard, what goes on between me and Stuart is none of your business. So just leave it alone, okay?

Previous Next

Summary

Penny's second date with Stuart has significant implications for Leonard. Howard enlists the guys' help with one of his NASA projects.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Steven Molaro

Script

Script: S02E22 - The Classified Materials Turbulence

Quotes

Penny: He's very shy; how do I make him feel more comfortable around me?
Leonard: Well, first of all, don't underestimate the value of discomfort.
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Yeah, Stuart thrives under pressure. That's why he works in a comic book store.

Raj: Interesting, Penny's current suitor asking advice from her former suitor.
Leonard: Yeah, thanks for closed-captioning my pain, Raj.
Howard: Hey, you wanna make sure he gets nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them?
Leonard: I'm listening.
Howard: Just tell him to do everything you've done with her for the last two years.

Sheldon: I think you're overestimating the tensile strength of the substructure you're building.
Howard: Sheldon, I know what I'm doing.
Sheldon: If you knew what you were doing, there wouldn't be a space toilet where my coffee table should be.
Raj: Howard, wait. Why don't you use this instead of the PVC to keep the transverse filter assembly in place?
Howard: Because this is not a spare part from the space station. This is the thing from the pizza box that keeps the lid from touching the cheese.
Raj: Is that what that's for? In India, the lid just touches the cheese.
(turning to Sheldon)
Raj: Of course, we also have rampant poverty and periodic outbreaks of cholera, so a little cardboard in our cheese is no biggie.

Sheldon: Excuse me, Stuart, have you read the new Flash?
Stuart: No.
Sheldon: Well, I have, and it will knock your socks off! Good luck getting them back on.

Howard: Here's an approximation of the spare parts available on the space station. We gotta find a way, using nothing but *this*, to reinforce this, so the waste material avoids the spinning turbine.
Raj: You mean so it doesn't hit the fan?
Sheldon: Yaeh, I have to say, I thought the toilet humor would get less funny with repetition.
(shakes his head)
Sheldon: Apparently, there is no law of diminishing comedic returns with space poop.

Leonard: No, no that's the past. I'm really more of a right now kind of guy. You know, living in the moment. Although I do have to live a little in the future, 'cause, well, that's my job. Of course, my fondness for classic science fiction does draw my attention backwards, but those stories often take place in the future. In conclusion, no, it doesn't bother me.

Stuart: Here, Sheldon, I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing.
Sheldon: Excuse me! Spoiler alert!
Stuart: But I didn't spoil anything.
Sheldon: You told me it's mind-blowing, so my mind is going into it pre-blown, and once a mind is *pre*-blown, it cannot be *re*-blown.
Stuart: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas.

Sheldon: Smell that? That's the smell of new comic books.
(takes a deep breath)
Sheldon: Oh, yes!
Howard: They're on me today, boys.
Raj: You're paying? Have you been selling your sperm again?
Leonard: No, I'm celebrating. As we speak, the space shuttle is docking at the International Space Station, where it will deploy the Wolowitz Zero-Gravity Waste Disposal System.
Raj: Oh, get over yourself. It's a high-tech toilet.
Leonard: Just think, thanks to your hard work, an international crew of astronauts will boldly go where no man has gone before.
Howard: Is that supposed to be funny?
Sheldon: I believe it is. The combination of the Star Trek reference and the play on words involving the double meaning of the verb "to go" suggests that Leonard is humorously mocking your efforts in space plumbing.
Howard: Okay, make your little jokes. But of the four of us, I'm the only one making any real-world contribution to science and technology.
Raj: He's right. This is an important achievement for two reasons: Number one, and of course, number two.
Sheldon: Oh, clever! Playing on the use of cardinal numbers as euphemisms for bodily functions.

Howard: (on the phone with NASA) Yes, sir, I understand classified. We'll keep it all classified. No one has to know anything about this but you and me.
Penny: What's classified?
Leonard: Howard's space toilet. I'll tell you later.
Howard: (hanging up and sitting down to eat) Well, they've deployed our solution; let's just all hope it works.
Sheldon: I don't see why I have to worry. My career's not hanging in the balance.
(Sheldon smirks at Howard)
Sheldon: That was a joke. It's funny because it's true.

Leonard: I deliberately tried to sabotage Stuart's date with Penny.
Raj: Of course you feel terrible. You completely screwed up your karma, dude.
Sheldon: You don't really believe in that superstition, do you?
Raj: It's not superstition, it's practically Newtonian. For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. Leonard pretends to be a friend and acts like a two-faced bitch. Therefore, he is reborn as a banana slug. It's actually a very elegant system. You know, what goes around comes around.
Howard: (motions Raj to return to working on the space toilet) Speaking of what goes around comes around...

Penny: What the hell is that?
Howard: Meatloaf.
Leonard: What was it doing on the ceiling?
Howard: That's classified.

Sheldon: You have to check your messages, Leonard! The leaving of a message is one half of a social contract, which is completed by the checking of the message! If that contract breaks down, then all social contracts break down, and we descend into anarchy!
Leonard: It must be hell inside your head.
Sheldon: At times.

Sheldon: I must say, Howard, I think a detailed letter to MIT describing your current circumstances might entitle you to a refund on your Master's degree.

Howard: Alright, this is an exact duplicate of the Wolowitz Zero-Gravity Human Waste Disposal System as deployed on the International Space Station.
Raj: Don't you mean the Wolowitz Zero-Gravity Human Waste Distribution System?

Sheldon: My mother says that when we deceive for personal gain... we make Jesus cry.

(Howard's space toilet has supposedly been fixed)
Astronaut: Houston, uh, International Space Station. We have a little situation up here. We'd like to make an unscheduled space walk.
Ground Controller: ISS, Houston. Which crew members would be involved in this EVA?
Astronaut: Houston, we'd *all* like to step outside for a few minutes.
Ground Controller: ISS, I'm afraid we can't authorize that.
Astronaut: Uh, Houston, this is more of an FYI call. We are basically out the door.

Howard: Where you going?
Leonard: Comic book store.
Sheldon: Oh, an excellent idea! I could certainly use a break.
Raj: Me too.
Howard: Now hold on, you guys can go to the comic book store when man can once again safely poop in space.
Sheldon: Why does Leonard get to go?
Howard: Because he's upset over his situation with Penny, and if I have to hear about it again I'm gonna kick him in his ovaries.
Leonard: Thanks for understanding, Howard.
Howard: I got your back, sister.

Howard: Guys, we have a code red.
Sheldon: You mean code red the hospital emergency alert, code red the computer worm, or Code Red the cherry flavored soft drink from the makers of Mountain Dew?
Howard: Look, I was going over the schematics on my Zero-G toilet, and I made a teeny-tiny mistake on the specifications for the diverter valve.
Leonard: How teeny-tiny?
Howard: It's gonna fail after about ten flushes.
Sheldon: But the mission is for six months.
Howard: Yeah, see, that's the code red! It's kind of like a jack in the box. No one knows exactly when, but at some point, something way worse than a puppet is gonna pop out of that box.
Sheldon: Have you notified NASA?
Howard: No! You crazy? What am I gonna say, "I screwed up your toilet and pretty soon there's gonna be crap floating all over your nice shiny space station"?
Leonard: What are you gonna do?
Howard: I'm gonna figure out how to fix it, then I'll tell them.
Leonard: So what do you need us for?
Raj: He can't figure out how to fix it.
Howard: Hey, you said you were gonna be supportive.
Raj: I'm trying. But you have to admit, this is pretty damn funny!

Raj: If you really want to clean up your karma, go get my frickin' latte.

Notes and Trivia

The scene where the guys try to solve Howard's defective waste disposal system with spare parts that are also available to the crew on the International Space Station spoofs a similar scene in Apollo 13 (1995), in which NASA techs on Earth use objects also available to the Apollo 13 crew in an attempt to fix their failing carbon dioxide filtering system. This episode also has a scene where an astronaut calls to Houston to announce "a little situation" (analogous to the famous "Houston, we have a problem" line from Apollo 13).

Goofs

None

Cast

Privacy Policy | Affiliate Link Disclosure | Contact Us