S03E05 - The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary

No: 45  |  Season: 3   Episode: 5  |  Air Date: 2009-10-19  |  Runtime: mins

In the words of Khan Noonien Singh in the immortal wrath of Khan, he tasks me, he tasks me and I shall have him.

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Summary

Leonard is forced to ask Penny to set Howard up with one of her friends, while Sheldon seeks payback against sci-fi star Wil Wheaton.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Bill Prady / Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Steven Molaro

Script

Script: S03E05 - The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary

Quotes

Leonard: Still can't believe she's going out with me.
Raj: Nobody can.

Howard: All right, Raj has played his Phantom Warlord card. And I am going to back him up with my Strangling Vines.
(in Jar Jar Binks accent)
Howard: Choke on that, Sucka!
Leonard: Okay. Well then, I'll just *cut* your Vines with my Ruby Sword. That's right, I did it, I cut 'em.
Penny: Um... I have a question.
Leonard: Warlord beats Troll; Troll beats Elf; Elf beats Water Sprite, and basically everything beats Enchanted Bunny.
Howard: Unless you have the Carrot of Power.
Penny: Okay, I've got another question. When does this get fun?
Howard: Are we going to talk or are we going to play Mystic Warlords of Ka'a?

Howard: How about computers? Do you like computers?
Bernadette: I use them. I don't like them.

Howard: Leonard, a pact is a pact. You have to get Penny to fix me up.
Leonard: It's not that simple. What am I supposed to say, "Penny, do you have any friends you'd like to never hear from again?"

Sheldon: Wil Wheaton, my old friend. I've chased you 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round Perdition's Flames!
Raj: You know, you keep quoting "Wrath of Khan" but he was in "Next Generation?" It's a totally different set of characters.
Sheldon: Silence!

Howard: You and I made a pact that if either of us ever got a hot girlfriend, that person would have his girlfriend hook the other guy up with one of her girlfriends.
Leonard: Yeah, I don't remember that.
Sheldon: June 30th, 2004.

Sheldon: It might also interest you to know that Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth on my all-time enemies list, right between director Joel Schumacher who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me and put dog poo on the handles of my bicycle.

(Howard and Bernadette are out on their first date)
Howard: (Howard's cell phone rings with 'She Blinded Me With Science') Damn, it's my mother.
Bernadette: Are you going to answer it?
Howard: Well, I'm torn. She might be dying; you know, wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail, I could play it over and over.
Bernadette: I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.
Howard: (laughs it off) Not as crazy as my mother makes me.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah? Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
Bernadette: Okay, well does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning, like you're nine years old?
Howard: You live with your mother?
Bernadette: No. That's the sad part.
Howard: Oh. Okay, check this out. My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.
Bernadette: That's nothing. I couldn't ride a bicycle 'cause my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.
Howard: Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?
Bernadette: Not on a bicycle. In a Camry.
Howard: Corolla! More wine?
Bernadette: I'd love some.
Howard: Listen, you have to come to shabbos dinner at my house sometime.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Well, a Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.
Bernadette: Okay. But only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.
Howard: It's a date.
(they laugh and clink wine glasses)
Penny: Am I a matchmaker or what?

Sheldon: (screaming) WHEATON! WHEATON! WHEATON!

Howard: Do you like science fiction?
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Role-playing games?
Bernadette: Like in the bedroom or like Dungeons and Dragons?
Howard: Either.
Bernadette: No.

Leonard: Sheldon has kind of a photographic memory.
Sheldon: Photographic is a misnomer; I have an eidetic memory, as I've told you many times, most recently last year during lunch on the afternoon of May 7th. You had turkey and complained it was dry.

Penny: OK, I gotta go.
Leonard: Why?
Penny: Because last time I didn't go, I ended up playing Mystic Warlords of Ka.
Howard: Not Ka, *Ka'a*.
Penny: Buh-aye.

Sheldon: bortaS bIr jablu'DI' reH QaQqu' nay!
Wil Wheaton: Did that guy just say "Revenge is a dish best served cold" in Klingon?
Stuart: I believe so.
Wil Wheaton: What is wrong with him?
Stuart: Everyone has a different theory.

Leonard: How about that? Albert Einstein was wrong.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Approaching the speed of light doesn't slow down time.
Leonard: (Points at Howard and Bernadette) Approaching them does.

Penny: (after sex) Wow. You really are a genius.
Leonard: Not really. I Googled how to do that.

(Leonard is asking Penny to set Howard up with one of her friends)
Penny: You mean you thought a good time to bring this up would be right after sex?
Leonard: Well... I sure as hell wasn't gonna bring it up *before* sex. *During*, I was trying to remember what I read on Google.

Stuart: Hey, Sheldon, the new Green Lantern figurine's coming in tomorrow. Want me to set one aside for you?
Sheldon: Thank you. You just robbed me of the opportunity to stumble upon the figurine and make the oh-so-satisfying journey from discovery to desire to possession.

Leonard: You know that deep down inside, Howard's a really nice guy.
Penny: The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating.

Penny: I just told her you're an aerospace engineer and you speak five languages.
Howard: Six, if you count Klingon.
Leonard: Girls don't count Klingon, Howard. Right?
Penny: Right.

Sheldon: I came here to defeat Wil Wheaton, the man who destroyed my dreams. But, I can't defeat Wil Wheaton, the man who loved his mee-maw.

Notes and Trivia

Melissa Rauch already uses a speaking voice that is higher-pitched than her own in this episode, but it becomes noticeably higher in subsequent episodes (Rauch's real voice can be heard briefly in The Holographic Excitation (2012) after Howard comments on her squeaky voice). After several appearances, Rauch uses what she said is an imitation of her mother's high-pitched voice.

Sheldon (Jim Parsons) says, "Wesley Crusher had an eidetic memory just like me." The December 10, 1986 casting call featured in Star Trek the Next Generation Companion A Series Guide and Script Library (1999) cites a "photographic memory", while the March 23, 1987 "Star Trek: The Next Generation Writers/Directors Guide" cites "his superior memory".

The Mystic Warlords of Ka'a card game was created by the art department specifically for this episode, which included designing actual playing cards. The designs of several cards (most notably "Enchanted Bunny") have been released by the show's producers since the first airing of this episode.

This episode marks the first appearances on the show for both Melissa Rauch (Bernadette) and Wil Wheaton. It is the first time that Howard meets Bernadette (when Penny reluctantly sets them up on a date), and the first time that Sheldon meets his occasional nemesis, Wil Wheaton (during a game tournament at the comic book store).

Wil Wheaton's t-shirt is from the popular gaming web cartoon Penny Arcade. Wheaton gave the keynote at the Penny Arcade Expo (PAX) 2007.

Goofs

None

Cast

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