S03E04 - The Pirate Solution
No: 44 |
Season: 3
Episode: 4 |
Air Date: 2009-10-12 |
Runtime: mins
Summary
When Raj has to find a new job or be sent back to India, Sheldon's solution leaves Leonard and Penny dealing with Howard as the third wheel.
Director and Writers
Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Steve Holland
Script
Script: S03E04 - The Pirate Solution
Quotes
Leonard: What do you mean he's getting deported?
Sheldon: I believe it means the U.S. government is going to expel him from the country. He could return to India, immigrate to another country willing to accept him or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate. Personally, I'd choose pirate.
Raj: If we were having this argument in my native language, I'd be kicking your butt.
Sheldon: English is your native language.
Raj: Okay, you got me there.
Sheldon: And you continued to take the university's money under false pretenses? Highly unethical for an astrophysicist... but practically mandatory for a pirate.
Leonard: I've always been a little confused about this. Why don't Hindus eat beef?
Raj: We believe cows are gods.
Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be *like* god.
Raj: Do not tell me about my own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I'm in, I'll take you out - I swear to cow!
Howard: Well, usually, on Sundays, I go with Raj to scam on hippie chicks at the farmers market, but he's still working with Sheldon, so I thought I'd come over here and make you guys scrambled eggs and salami. It's the perfect meal for apres l'amour.
Penny: Oh, kill me.
Howard: By the way, I couldn't help overhearing your big finish. Bravo, Leonard.
Penny: See, if you had killed me when I said kill me, I wouldn't have had to hear that.
Raj: You want me to work with you.
Sheldon: For me. You're going to have to listen more carefully when you're on the job.
Raj: Okay, please don't take this the wrong way, but I would rather swim buck naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow, agonizing death from a viral infection than work with you.
Sheldon: *For* me.
Sheldon: I took another look at the board, and I realized you were right.
Raj: So you were wrong.
Sheldon: I'm not saying that.
Raj: That's the only logical inference.
Sheldon: I'm still not saying it.
Sheldon: Forgive me. You know I am not adept at reading facial cues, but I am going to take a stab here. You are either sad or nauseated.
Raj: I'm sad.
Sheldon: I was going to say sad! I don't why I hedged.
Sheldon: Bazinga. You've fallen victim to another one of my classic practical jokes. I'm your boss now, you may want to laugh at that.
Howard: (about going with Penny on Thanksgiving) I'd love to, but on Thanksgiving my family comes to my mother's for her famous tur-briska-fil.
Penny: Tur-briska-fil?
Howard: Turkey stuffed with brisket stuffed with gefilte fish. It's not as good as it sounds.
Penny: Hey, wanna get a little crazy?
Leonard: What are you thinking?
Penny: Let's slide over to Sheldon's spot and make out.
Leonard: You are a dirty girl!
(Knock at the door)
Penny: Oh God, how did he know?
Raj: I've reconsidered your offer to let me work with you.
Sheldon: *For* me.
Raj: Yes, *for* you. I do however have a few conditions. First, at all times I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal. Second, my contributions shall be noted in all published materials. And third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture.
Sheldon: I'm impressed, Raj. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.
Raj: Thank you.
Sheldon: I reject them all.
Howard: So, what are we watching? Sex and the City? Yikes!
Penny: Hey, I happen to love this movie.
Howard: Fine, let's watch it. Maybe all of our periods will synchronize.
Penny: (to Leonard) Hi, honey.
Howard: Oh, we're honey now, are we?
Sheldon: Yes, since their relationship became carnal, Penny has upgraded his term of endearment, thus distinguishing him from those she calls sweetie, usually in an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.
Penny: You're boring people, sweetie.
Sheldon: Although sometimes she omits the veil entirely.
Leonard: That was fun. Thank you.
Penny: Leonard, honey, you don't say thank you every time we have sex.
Leonard: Tomorrow, you're gonna get a card in the mail. Just throw it away.
Notes and Trivia
When Raj says, "Beefaroni. I think I'll miss you most of all," he is copying the last words that Dorothy says to the Scarecrow just before she leaves Oz for Kansas in The Wizard of Oz (1939).
Goofs
None
Cast
| Johnny Galecki | Leonard Hofstadter |
| Jim Parsons | Sheldon Cooper |
| Kaley Cuoco | Penny |
| Simon Helberg | Howard Wolowitz |
| Kunal Nayyar | Raj Koothrappali |
| Elizabeth Bogush | Dr. Catherine Millstone |
| Oliver Muirhead | Professor Laughlin |
