S03E12 - The Psychic Vortex

No: 52  |  Season: 3   Episode: 12  |  Air Date: 2010-01-11  |  Runtime: mins

Bernadette: So, what should we talk about? Howard: Well, we could always learn more about why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard?

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Summary

Raj talks Sheldon into being his wingman at a university mixer. Leonard has trouble dealing with Penny consulting a psychic.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Lee Aronsohn & Steven Molaro / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds

Script

Script: S03E12 - The Psychic Vortex

Quotes

Howard: I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base.
Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?
Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt.

Leonard: You're getting career advice from a psychic?

Raj: That's Hindi for Whatever floats your boat.

Leonard: Your psychic didn't tell you I was going to be a jerk?

Raj: Then what are we gonna do tonight?
Leonard: Sorry. Howard and I are going out with Penny and Bernadette.
Howard: Yeah, no more carefree bachelor nights for me and Leonard. These broncos have been saddled.
(imitates horse whinnying)
Howard: How did we get actual women?

Sheldon: What is my function as wingman?
Raj: You help me run my game.
Sheldon: Okay. What is your "game"?
Raj: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.

Howard: I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.
Leonard: And that didn't bother you?
Howard: Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.

Sheldon: Well, I understand there are several types of artificial women.

Leonard: What am I supposed to do? Pretend I believe something I don't whenever I'm with Penny?
Howard: Hey, I'm sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she's with you.

Sheldon: So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?

Bernadette: I'm starved. When you spend all day in a bio lab watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.
Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria, and yet I still want to kiss this woman. What does that tell you?
Penny: That you'd be willing to die a horrible death on the off chance you'd get to second base.
Bernadette: We're way past second base. Right, Howard?
Howard: Uh, we kind of disagree about what the bases are.

Raj: Namast?, white people! Good news. I've rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen.
Leonard: Got it.
Howard: Seen it.
Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online.

Abby: Hi, Raj. Where are you from?
Raj: The mysterious sub-continent of India.
Abby: Ooh... India?
Raj: You know India?
Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.
Raj: Well, I'm a slumdog astrophysicist.
Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynecologist.

Howard: (Watching Leonard melt his action figures with a laser) Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?
Leonard: Not just Cylons. Superman's next.
Howard: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don't have a high-powered weapon.

Sheldon: Good night, puny human!

Raj: Come on, Sheldon. The world is filled with people doing things outside; let's go outside. Outside is good.
Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?
Raj: I don't know. It's a marketing scheme.

Raj: We would just walk around and see what's what.
Sheldon: That's a semantically null sentence.

Leonard: Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you.

Sheldon: Thanks for giving me your limited-edition Green Lantern lantern.
Raj: Did you really have to bring it in with you?
Sheldon: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low?
Raj: Come on, let's get a drink.
Sheldon: I don't drink.
Raj: Yeah, well, I do, and when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot.

Leonard: Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?

Leonard: We're planning to have sex right on the salad bar.

Leonard: I hope you're hungry, Bernadette. We're going to a terrific restaurant.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah, I'm starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.
Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria and yet I still wanna kiss this woman. What does that tell you?
Penny: That you'd be willing to die a horrible death on the off chance you'd get to second-base?

Raj: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.
Sheldon: Oh, my.
(Puts on hands)
Sheldon: I've admired these for years.
Raj: Does that mean we can go with the girls again?
Sheldon: (Imitates Hulk) Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!
Raj: You can't wear the hands on the date.
Sheldon: Hulk sad.

Leonard: Look at us! Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they're our girlfriends.
Howard: Yes. Actual women are the best.
Sheldon: I don't understand. What other kind of women are there?
Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?
Howard: Nah. It would just freak him out.

Howard: I should warn you, I'm a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.

Martha: Listen, they're kind of getting busy in the living room, and I was wondering if I could hang out in here for a while.
Sheldon: Why, I suppose. Come in.
(Martha enters his bedroom)
Sheldon: I'll sleep in Leonard's room; good night.

Leonard: You know, the best thing about being in a committed, monogamous, mutually supportive relationship is that even if you have different ideas, you can have a spirited debate, yet still care for, even make love with... Want your fish? I knew you were going to do that. Doesn't make me psychic! Attaboy, Leonard, make it worse.

Penny: Wow, that's all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?
Leonard: No, I'm sorry. I really am. It's not right to mock what a person believes in.
Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it's all about?
Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds?
Penny: I would not.
Leonard: Okay, let's go see your psychic.
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Well, yeah, one of us has to keep an open mind.
Penny: You saying I don't have an open mind?
Leonard: No, not at all. Let me help you with this stuff.
Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.
Leonard: Great.
Penny: And astrology.
Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.
Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don't work.
Leonard: Really, that's the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?
Penny: Oh, voodoo's real. You don't want to mess with voodoo.

Howard: Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.

Notes and Trivia

Actress Danica McKellar appeared on this episode when Sheldon and Raj meet her character Abby while attending a mixer at the university. In the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture (2008), Raj says, "How about the girl from The Wonder Years (1988)?" He is referring to Danica McKellar, who has a degree in mathematics.

The characters of Abby and Martha are actually a tribute to Joseph Kesselring's Arsenic and Old Lace (1944). Abby and Martha are the names of the homicidal spinster aunts.

The Hindi phrase that Raj says that he said means, "Whatever floats your boat.", the literal translation is: "Whatever keeps you happy."

Goofs

None

Cast

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