S03E11 - The Maternal Congruence

No: 51  |  Season: 3   Episode: 11  |  Air Date: 2009-12-14  |  Runtime: mins

Leonard: Um... Sheldon: Leonard, I'm no expert on meditation, but if you're trying to calm yourself down, I believe the word is Om.

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Summary

Leonard's mother makes a visit to his dismay and Sheldon's delight.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Lee Aronsohn & Steven Molaro & Richard Rosenstock & Maria Ferrari / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Bill Prady & Dave Goetsch

Script

Script: S03E11 - The Maternal Congruence

Quotes

Sheldon: Frosty is merely a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account.

Beverly Hofstadter: Your "check engine" light is on.
Penny: Yeah, I gotta put a sticker over that. So you must be devastated about your divorce.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, not at all. But I am a bit distressed to be in a vehicle that's not subjected to regular maintenance.
Penny: Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.

Penny: What? Your mother's coming? When?
Leonard: Tomorrow.
Penny: When were you gonna tell me?
Leonard: Um, tomorrow?

Penny: You know, I could use a drink. Do you want to stop for a drink?
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: I don't drink.
Penny: I do. I'll teach you.

Sheldon: December 25, 1642, Julian calendar, Sir Isaac Newton is born. Jesus, on the other hand, was actually born in the summer. His birthday was moved to coincide with the traditional pagan holiday that celebrated the winter solstice with lit fires and slaughtered goats. Which frankly sounds like more fun than 12 hours of church with my mother followed by a fruitcake.
Leonard: Merry Newtonmas, everyone!
Sheldon: I sense that's not sincere, although I have no idea why.

Leonard: Mom, you remember Penny.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh yes, the waitress slash actress with the unresolved father issues. Has he finally come to terms with his 'little slugger' growing breasts?
Penny: Well, he sent me a football and a catcher's mitt for Christmas, so I'm going to say no.

Beverly Hofstadter: I will just pretend that Leonard's not withholding information. Although, I will point out, Leonard, that I am a trained psychiatrist and you are exhibiting the same secretive behavioral tics that accompanied your learning to masturbate.
Sheldon: Isn't she brilliant, Leonard? How I envy you.

Beverly Hofstadter: I want you to take very good care of this young woman.
Penny: Ohhh, thank you, Beverly.
Beverly Hofstadter: You're welcome. She doesn't have much in the way of career prospects; don't make her responsible for her own orgasms as well.
Leonard: Mother, remember when I was complaining that you don't communicate with me enough?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, dear.
Leonard: I'm over it.
Penny: Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la.

Leonard: Are you guys drunk?
Beverly Hofstadter: I hope so. Otherwise, why would we have stopped at Del Taco?

Beverly Hofstadter: (Mrs. Hofstader & Penny are drinking in a bar) I feel a spreading warmth through my extremities.
Penny: As long as you don't feel it running down your pants, you're fine.

Penny: C'mon, I mean you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, initially I did feel something akin to grief and perhaps anger. But that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.
Penny: Sure, sure.
Beverly Hofstadter: Thankfully my shock was somewhat mitigated by the fact that I haven't had intercourse with him in eight years.
Penny: Eight years?
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, that's nothing. I've been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982.
Penny: Yikes.
(Beverly snickers)
Penny: OK, what's so funny?
Beverly Hofstadter: That's exactly what I say during orgasms. Yikes.

Penny: So, what did she say when you told her we were going out?
Leonard: Um
Penny: You didn't tell her we were going out, did you?
Leonard: Um
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: Um
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm no expert on meditation, but if you're trying to calm yourself down, I believe the word is Om.

Leonard: Mom, you remember Penny?
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, yes, the waitress-slash-actress with the unresolved father issues. Has he finally come to terms with his little slugger finally growing breasts?
Penny: Well, he sent me a football and a catcher's mitt for Christmas, so I'm gonna say no.
Howard: If it helps, we're all good with your breasts.
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Classic overcompensation.

Penny: You know, Leonard did not wanna tell you we were dating.
Beverly Hofstadter: Really? That means he's either embarrassed by the relationship or he doesn't care enough about his mother to tell her he's in one. Either way, one of us should be insulted.

Sheldon: Just remember, Leonard. Where your biological family has failed you, you always have me, your surrogate family.
Leonard: You're my surrogate family?
Sheldon: If it's any consolation, I'm not happy about it either. Good night.

Leonard: What is it?
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for *you*. This is *my* tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: It's a *lousy* conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Beverly Hofstadter: (to Leonard) Why didn't you tell me you were tapping my homegirl?
Beverly Hofstadter: (to Penny) Did I say that right?
Penny: Yeah. Not bad. Not bad.

Beverly Hofstadter: (after hugging Leonard) I'm getting a warm feeling spreading through my heart.
Penny: That's the Del Taco.
Sheldon: Why is Leonard softly banging his head against his bedroom door?
Beverly Hofstadter: Speaking of warm feelings, come here!
(Kisses Sheldon square on the lips)
Beverly Hofstadter: No, I'd rather have the busboy.

Penny: Hey, Bev. Guess what?
Beverly Hofstadter: What?
Penny: I'm sleeping with your son.
Beverly Hofstadter: Really? Which one?
Penny: The one from whom I live across the hall... from.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, that's convenient. How'd his penis turn out?
Penny: Oh, Beverly, I-I can't talk to my boyfriend's mother about his penis.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, fair enough. What can you tell me if anything about that busboy's penis?
Penny: Actually, I've only had the cheesecake.

Leonard: In my family, holidays weren't so much celebrated, as studied for their anthropological and psychological implications on human society.
Penny: Oh, sounds festive. Did you at least give presents?
Leonard: Hm, in a way. We presented papers. And then broke off into focus groups and critiqued each other.
Penny: Sheldon, what about you? Did you have a Christmas tree?
Sheldon: Oh yes. We had a tree, we had a manger, we had an inflatable Santa Claus with plastic reindeer on the front lawn. And to make things even more jolly, there were so many blinking lights on the house, they induced neighborhood-wide seizures.

Penny: Ah, I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which could lead to congestive heart failure.
Leonard: (to Deck the Halls) Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
Penny: You really didn't like it, Sheldon?
Sheldon: No, on the contrary. I found the Grinch to be a relatable, engaging character. And I was really with him right up to the point that he succumbed to social convention and returned the presents and saved Christmas. What a buzzkill that was.
Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on Earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account.
Leonard: Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la!

Beverly Hofstadter: Sheldon, I do hope you forgive me for my inappropriate behavior last night.
Sheldon: I don't blame you. You were intoxicated.
Beverly Hofstadter: Thank you.
Sheldon: I blame Penny.
Penny: I blame Penny too. Bad Penny.
Leonard: Wait a minute. What are you talking about? What inappropriate behavior?
Beverly Hofstadter: I think it's best that you don't know.
Sheldon: Agreed.
Penny: Agreed.
Leonard: What the hell. Agreed.

Beverly Hofstadter: Speaking of fathers, Leonard, that reminds me. I'm divorcing yours.
Leonard: What?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes. He was cheating on me.
Leonard: No!
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, with some waitress from the university cafeteria. Can you believe it? A waitress.
(to Penny)
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, no offense, dear.
Penny: (sarcastically) No, it sounded like a compliment.
Leonard: When did this happen?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, let's see... Sheldon, when did I leave Leonard's father?
Sheldon: September 22nd.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, yes, that's right. The weekend after Leonard's dog died.
Leonard: Mitzy's dead?
Sheldon: She was old and blind, Leonard. What choice did we have?

Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: What I want is to be departing the starship Enterprise in a one-man shuttlecraft, headed to the planet I rule, known as Sheldon Alpha 5.
Leonard: I want that too.

Notes and Trivia

Raj has no lines in this episode. He only appeared in one scene, and as Penny and Beverly were in the room, he did not get a chance to talk. However, he does whisper in Howard's ear to communicate.

Sheldon mentions the professional rivalry between scientists Isaac Newton (1642-1727) and Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz (1646-1716) over their creation of calculus. Newton and Leibniz concurrently developed "infinitesimal calculus" ("the calculus of infinitesimals") in the late 17th century, while working independently of each other. Newton accused Leibniz of plagiarism, causing a long-term dispute between them.

This is the second Christmas episode in the series; the others are The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis (2008), The Santa Simulation (2012), The Cooper Extraction (2013), The Clean Room Infiltration (2014), and The Holiday Summation (2017).

Goofs

None

Cast

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