S04E13 - The Love Car Displacement

No: 76  |  Season: 4   Episode: 13  |  Air Date: 2011-01-20  |  Runtime: mins

I don't understand why you people just let him bully you like this. Someone should stand up to him. What's he going to do?

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Summary

Chaos ensues when the gang spend the weekend together at a science convention.

Director and Writers

Director: Anthony Rich
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Bill Prady & Dave Goetsch / Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Steven Molaro & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S04E13 - The Love Car Displacement

Quotes

Penny: You know, for a smart guy, you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept: "Don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat."
Amy: That does seem to be a valid principle.
Sheldon: I trust Penny will adhere to the official California Restaurant Workers' Solemn Oath of Ethics and Cleanliness.
Amy: I don't believe there's any such thing.
Sheldon: (Incredulous, to Leonard) You lied to me?

Sheldon: Remember, people, we're only as strong as our weakest bladder.

Amy: (to Penny, who had turned down Amy's offer to be her plus-one for the science symposium everyone else is going to) Do you know anybody else who would appreciate an all expense paid spa getaway to a four-star hotel in Big Sur?
Penny: No, as... I'm sorry free what? Sorry, what what?
Leonard: (to Amy) I think her weekend just opened up.
Penny: Okay, just to be clear, when you guys say 'spa', does it mean the same as when regular people say it?
Leonard: Pretty much, only we keep our shirts on in the sauna.

Sheldon: (Trying to get the symposium back on track) Let's open it up to the audience for a Q&A session.
Penny: (In the audience) Yeah, I have a question. Is there anyone who can get me the hell out of here and back to Los Angeles tonight?
Glenn: (Also in the audience) I'm driving back to L.A. tonight.
Bernadette: (Pointing them out to each other) Um, Penny, that's Glen. Glen, that's Penny.
Leonard: (Jumps up) NO!

Sheldon: (turns on the light) Please tell me you're not having coitus.
Penny: We are not having coitus.
Sheldon: And you can guarantee that it won't happen at any time during the night?
Penny: Yes.
Leonard: No.

Amy: Leonard, could I ask you a question?
Leonard: Sure.
Amy: Are you bothered by the fact that your former girlfriend left the symposium with what is probably the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life?
Leonard: No. Why do you ask?
Amy: Because we are going 120 miles per hour.

Sheldon: (Trying to steer away from Bernadette and Howard's bickering) Um, Dr. Koothrappali, would you like to weigh in on the matter?
Raj: (Holding his drink) Why certainly. I'd like to raise two points. Number one, I think they are talking about penises. And number two, these mimosas are kicking my little brown ass!
Leonard: (Coldly to him) I'd like to kick your little brown ass.
Raj: What did I do?
Leonard: (Sarcastically) Oh, I don't know. Maybe when you walk into a hotel room and see a guy getting back with his girlfriend, you should maybe do something other than crawl into the other bed.
Raj: I did. You said no Bridget Jones.
Penny: (From the audience) We weren't getting back together. It was a one-off fling.
Sheldon: Um, we're not yet taking questions from the audience.
Penny: Oh, *shut up*, Sheldon!

Sheldon: In the lead car, driven by Leonard, will be myself, Amy Farrah Fowler, and Penny.
Amy: Yes!
(to Penny)
Amy: He had you in the other car, but I got you upgraded.

Sheldon: I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, B.S., M.S., MA, Ph.D., and Sc.D. OMG, right?

Howard: Sorry. I just never figured that a guy like me going out with a girl like you would ever have to compete with a guy like that.
Bernadette: Wait a minute. "A girl like me"? What's that mean?
Howard: (instantly realizes his mistake) Um... I...
Bernadette: Are you saying you don't think I'm hot enough to go out with a guy like Glenn?
Howard: No! No, I'm saying exactly the opposite.
Bernadette: I'm *too* hot to go out with a guy like Glenn?
Howard: Yeah, let's go with that.

Leonard: (Referring to her sleeping in he and Sheldon's room) So, how do you wanna do this?
Penny: Well, I'm not getting in bed with him.
(Sheldon is asleep on his back, with the sheets tucked into him, and with a sleep mask on)
Leonard: Yeah, it is a little like getting into Dracula's coffin.

Amy: We decided we didn't want to jeopardize our relationship by getting to know each other too well.

Penny: (coming up to their table at the Cheesecake Factory) Hey! So are we ready to order?
Sheldon: Since we come in here every Tuesday at 6pm and it's now 6:08, your question not only answers itself, but also goes along with other non-sensical queries, like "Who let the dogs out?", or "How are they hanging?"
Penny: (Marking her order tablet) Ooookay, so the usual with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger.

Sheldon: Howard is a complete and total ass, Bernadette is in Penny's bed, Amy bites, and Penny may or may not have coitus with Leonard.

Amy: Shame. Since you're my best friend, I thought it would be a good bonding opportunity.
Penny: I'm your best friend?
Amy: Don't you read my blog?
Penny: Oh, don't feel bad. I never read Leonard's, and I used to sleep with him.

Sheldon: (In Bernadette and Howard's car, the two of them can't even look at one another right now, and Raj is clearly suffering from the effects of his drinking the day before)
(Over walkie-talkie speaker)
Sheldon: Red Leader to Red Five. Red Leader to Red Five.
(Howard doesn't respond, but Raj is clearly bothered by the sound)
Sheldon: Anybody up for a little game? I spy with my little eye a non-ferrous metal.
(as Sheldon says the last line, Howard rolls the window down and throws his walkie-talkie out of the car. Then Raj throws up in a bag)
Sheldon: (Cut to Leonard and Sheldon's car, and Sheldon is looking at his walkie-talkie) Must be out of range.

Penny: Sweetie, let me put this in a way you'll understand. From the waist down, my shields are up.
Leonard: Got it. Got it... . We can do all kinds of stuff from the waist up, you know?

Amy: A word of warning, though. I'm prone to night terrors. So, if I wake up kicking and screaming, don't panic. Just pin me down and stroke my hair and I'll be fine.

Sheldon: All right, why don't we see if we can bring this back to topic?
Howard: (turns to Bernadette) Let me ask you something, Bernie.
Sheldon: (resigned) I guess not.
Howard: How would you feel if you met my ex-girlfriend and she was, like, Angelina Jolie?
Bernadette: Oh, come on, Howard, be realistic!
Howard: What? I'm not hot enough for Angelina Jolie?
Raj: I'd like to weigh in here: no.

Penny: (Moves to hug Amy after Amy invites her to go to Big Sur) You know, it is going to be difficult, but I am going to cancel my plans so I can do this for my 'bestie'.
Amy: (Somewhat coldly) Please don't touch my breasts!
Penny: I... I wasn't going to.
Amy: All right. I just want to establish boundaries.

Sheldon: (In their car, into a walkie-talkie) Red Leader to Red Five. Come in.
(No response, into walkie-talkie again)
Sheldon: Red Leader to Red Five. Come in.
(Still no response, into walkie-talkie, this time annoyed)
Sheldon: Howard, you promised!
Howard: (Over walkie-talkie speaker, annoyed) Fine. Red Five to Red Leader. What do you want now?
Sheldon: (Into walkie-talkie) It's 11:15. I am requesting your quarterly hour location update.
Howard: (Over speaker) Still right behind you.
Sheldon: Copy that, Red Five.
(Looks into center rear-view mirror, then into walkie-talkie)
Sheldon: Verbal confirmation is sufficient. No need to extend your middle finger.

Bernadette: Can I stay here tonight?
Penny: Yeah. Why, what happened?
Bernadette: Howard's a complete and total ass.
Penny: Oh yeah, that. Come on in.

Notes and Trivia

This episode marks the first time Howard uses the nickname "Bernie" for Bernadette.

When Sheldon calls Howard in the car with the words "Red Leader to Red Five" he is imitating one of the X-Wing pilots in the film Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977). Red Five was Luke Skywalker's X-Wing call-sign in the movie.

Goofs

None

Cast

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