S04E15 - The Benefactor Factor

No: 78  |  Season: 4   Episode: 15  |  Air Date: 2011-02-10  |  Runtime: mins

Mrs Latham: Fascinate me. Leonard: Uh.. b.. d.. uh.. uh.. Mrs Latham: They're cute when they’re about to wet themselves, aren't they?

Previous Next

Summary

To secure needed funding for the university, Sheldon convinces Leonard to get friendly with a wealthy benefactor.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Bill Prady & Lee Aronsohn & Dave Goetsch / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Eric Kaplan & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S04E15 - The Benefactor Factor

Quotes

Mrs. Latham: There's nothing I like better than making smart people feel ill at ease.
Leonard: Why?
Mrs. Latham: Oh, I don't know, it's one of the fun things you get to do when you have lots of money.

Leonard: She wants to have dinner and talk about my research.
Sheldon: An entire dinner to talk about your research? Where are you going, the drive-thru at Jack In the Box?

Mrs. Latham: Alright, Dr. Kooth - whatever it is. You're up.
Raj: (terrified) It's Koothrappali. I have to tinkle.

Sheldon: No. No. No. I'm just here for your money. I don't want to shake anyone's germy hands.

Mrs. Latham: I'll make it easy for you. When you arrive at the lab in the morning, what sort of machine do you turn on?
Leonard: Coffee maker?

Sheldon: Given how much time you spend engaging in pointless self-abuse, you might consider just this once using your genitalia to actually accomplish something!

(Amy is trying to convince Sheldon to attend a fund raiser, which he has skipped because he feels it's demeaning)
Amy: If your friends are unconvincing, this year's donations might go to, say, the Geology Department.
Sheldon: Oh, dear! Not the dirt people!
Amy: Or worse. It could go to: the liberal arts.
Sheldon: No!
Amy: Millions of dollars being showered on poets, literary theorists, and students of gender studies.
Sheldon: Oh, the Humanities!

Sheldon: Penny, you're an expert at exchanging sexual favors for material gain. Walk him through this.

Sheldon: (answering the phone) Cooper-Hofstadter residence; go for Cooper.
Sheldon: Good morning, Mrs. Latham.
Sheldon: Yes, of course I remember you; a woman well past her prime seeking to augment her social status by doling out her late husbands ill-gotten gains.
Sheldon: So, how much money you going to give me?
Sheldon: I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested.
Sheldon: Well, if you're not going to give me money, then why are you calling?
Sheldon: (passes the phone to Leonard) She wants to talk to you. Who's crazy now?

Sheldon: Tell him Dr. Cooper feels that the best use of his time is to employ his rare and precious mental faculties to tear the mask off nature and stare at the face of God.

Sheldon: I think you have a real knack for gigolo work, Leonard.

Raj: Here's what I wonder about zombies:
(the others groan)
Raj: What happens if they can't get any human flesh to eat? They can't starve to death, they're already dead.
Howard: You take this one. I spent an hour last night on "How do vampires shave when they can't see themselves in the mirror?"
Sheldon: Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other. Case closed.
Raj: Yeah, okay. So, zombies.
Leonard: Uh, I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj. Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies? Like in '28 Days', if those zombies didn't eat, they starved.
Howard: Yes, you're thinking of '28 Days Later'. '28 Days' is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and puts the audience into an undead state.

President Siebert: Ah, there he is, the man of the hour! He took one for the team!
Leonard: I didn't do it for the money.
President Siebert: Keep telling yourself that; it makes it easier. Trust me, I know.
Raj: Cool, buddy. That's awesome.
Howard: How was she?

Leonard: She hit on me.
Howard: Wait, wait, are you telling us that old lady wanted to have sex with you in exchange for giving your department millions of dollars?
Leonard: I think so.
Howard: You lucky duck.
Penny: You're really a broken toy, aren't you?

Mrs. Latham: What happened to you, Wolowitz? Couldn't stick with it long enough to get your Ph.D.?
Howard: I'm an engineer. Most engineers don't bother with a Ph.D. But you may be interested to know I designed the zero-gravity waste disposal system for NASA.
Mrs. Latham: Got it. You're a space plumber.

Penny: (to Leonard) Good morning, slut!
Leonard: What?
Penny: Oh please, I recognize the walk of shame when I see it. All you're missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it.

Sheldon: I'm so proud of you! You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker!
Leonard: No, I didn't do it for the money.
Sheldon: She stiffed you?
Penny: I believe that's what your roommate did to *her*.
Sheldon: What?
Penny: Again, read the book we gave you!

Penny: What was that about me trading sexual favors for material gain?
Sheldon: It's a compliment. I believe in giving credit where credit's due.

President Siebert: (Putting his arms around Sheldon and Leonard's shoulders) How are we doing today?
Sheldon: That depends. How much longer do you plan on fondling my shoulder?
President Siebert: Sorry, Dr. Cooper, I forgot you have a touch phobia.
Sheldon: It's not a touch phobia, it's a germ phobia. If you'd like to go put on a pair of latex gloves, I'll let you check me for a hernia.

Leonard: Mrs. Latham said she was seriously considering donating money so we could get a cryogenic centrifugal pump...
Sheldon: Oh, wow!
Howard: Yess!
Leonard: Then she stuck her tongue down my throat.
Sheldon: Why?
Penny: Okay, we can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we got you.

Sheldon: I refuse to be trotted out and shown off like a prize hog at the Texas State Fair, which, by the way, is something you don't want to attend wearing a Star Trek ensign's uniform.

Howard: Okay, let's go smooch some rich, wrinkled tochus.
Penny: Oh, Howard, I can't believe Bernadette let you go to a fancy party wearing a dicky.
Howard: Excuse me, my girl friend doesn't pick out my clothes. My mother does.

Sheldon: Just because the nice man is offering you candy doesn't mean you should jump into his windowless van.

Notes and Trivia

When Sheldon says, "Oh, the humanities!", it is a play on Herb Morrison's 1937 radio account of the destruction of the airship Hindenburg. Part of Morrison's report included the phrase, "Oh, the humanity!"

Goofs

None

Cast

Privacy Policy | Affiliate Link Disclosure | Contact Us