S05E22 - The Stag Convergence

No: 109  |  Season: 5   Episode: 22  |  Air Date: 2012-04-26  |  Runtime: mins

Amy: Bernadette, on your wedding night you'll be consummating your marriage. What do you think your first position will be as husband and wife?

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Summary

The guys throw Howard a bachelor party, and some embarrassing details about his life get posted on the Internet.

Director and Writers

Director: Peter Chakos
Writers: Story by: Billy Prady & Steve Holland & Eric Kaplan / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Steven Molaro & Jim Reynolds

Script

Script: S05E22 - The Stag Convergence

Quotes

Penny: So, I hear you and the Lost Boys are having a Bachelor Party tonight.
Leonard: Yeah, just going to a restaurant. Get some steaks, some Scotch. You've nothing to worry about.
Penny: Why should I worry?
Leonard: I don't know, it's a Bachelor Party. There could be strippers. Won't that make you a little jealous?
Penny: Come on Leonard. It's you. What's gonna happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye contact and maybe offer to help her kid with his homework.

Leonard: Hello.
Penny: What's with the robe?
Leonard: (removing robe) I'm going to have sex with you, right here, right now, on that washing machine.
Penny: No, you're not.
Leonard: C'mon, please.
Penny: You want to do something, you can help me fold this sheet.
Leonard: Folding a sheet in my underwear, still pretty crazy.

Raj: I've been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to said they can get us a great price if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
Howard: Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette, no strippers.
Raj: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. That one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.

Bernadette: Do you know, for a while in Poland, my family and his family were neighbors?
Penny: Oh, that's cool.
Amy: No, it's not. I'll explain it to you later.

Leonard: (surprised) Are you drinking whiskey?
Sheldon: Indeed. If I am to participate in the social convention that is the stag night, then I must embrace all its components, including tobacco, swear-words and, yes, alcohol.
(he takes a drink)
Sheldon: Jeepers, that's yucky!
Leonard: Whoa. It's a little early to start dropping j-bombs, don't you think?

Bernadette: Wait a minute. You set me up with Howard. Did you know about all the creepy stuff he was into?
Penny: Well, a little. You hear stuff.
Bernadette: Why didn't you tell me?
Penny: Well, I was gonna, but I didn't think it would go past the first date. When it did, I thought for sure it wouldn't go past you meeting his mother. Definitely not past the two of you sleeping together. I mean, the warning signs were there. This is really on you.

Raj: And then, there was the time Leonard and I took Howard to Las Vegas, and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish and wanted his little kosher pickle! Of all the Howard humping hooker stories, that is my favorite!

Howard: Tell her I'm really sorry and if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. But what I really want her to know is the guy that she's disgusted by is the guy that I'm disgusted by too, but that guy doesn't exist any more. He's gone and the reason is because of her. So if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man and tell her thank you.
Penny: Oh my God, Howard. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. And it came out of you.

Sheldon: Howard, you are a good friend and I wish you nothing but happiness. Bazinga! I don't!
Leonard: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Double-Bazinga! I do!

Raj: What about the tubby girl in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-Con?
Howard: I don't remember. Please sit down.
Raj: The only threesome I've had in my whole life, and I'm proud to say it was with this man. Now, don't get me wrong, nothing happend with me and Howard. There was about 200 pounds of Sailor Moon between us!

Sheldon: (laughs) I wish you could all be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling!

Notes and Trivia

Penny calls the guys the Lost Boys, a reference to the characters in J.M. Barrie's famous work, Peter Pan (1960).

When Leonard says that he is going to have sex with Penny in the laundry room, the sign that normally says "Please keep your clothes on while doing laundry" is conveniently obscured by detergent bottles.

Goofs

None

Cast

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