S06E12 - The Egg Salad Equivalency

No: 123  |  Season: 6   Episode: 12  |  Air Date: 2013-01-03  |  Runtime: mins

Raj: I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office. Although I wouldn't mind if Brown Sugar suspended me.

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Summary

When Penny finds out Alex has a crush on Leonard, Sheldon gets himself and the rest of the guys in trouble with Human Resources whilst trying to solve the problem.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Bill Prady & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S06E12 - The Egg Salad Equivalency

Quotes

Alex Jensen: What did I do?
Sheldon: You don't know? Oh, you poor dear. Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy-juice into your brains you don't even know which way is up. You made an inappropriate sexual advance towards Dr. Hofstadter.
Alex Jensen: What! I didn't make a sexual advance on anybody.
Sheldon: Yo, now there's no need to get defensive. Look, I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. You- my father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
Alex Jensen: What?
Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.
Alex Jensen: This conversation is making me uncomfortable.
Sheldon: You and me both, sister.

Janine Davis: That's it. All of you, in my office, now!
Sheldon: Thanks to you I know better than to ask if you're menstruating. And based on your behavior I don't have to.

Leonard: Can I tell you a secret?
Penny: Wha's up?
Leonard: With all these women chasing me, I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk.
Penny: Can I tell *you* a secret?
Leonard: Sure.
Penny: Keep talking about Captain Kirk and we're all going to stop.
Leonard: (mimicking Shatner) Message. Received.

Sheldon: The next time you fall prey to your reproductive urges, please feel free to leaf through this book of sexually transmitted diseases. For example, check out this oozy doozy.
Alex Jensen: I'm afraid I have to go.
Sheldon: So does this guy, but he can't without it burning like hot soup.

Sheldon: Actually, I'm here to file a complaint. Someone has used sexual language that I found to be offensive.
Janine Davis: And who would that be?
Sheldon: You, you dirty birdy! I've been thinking about those things you said to me yesterday, and I've come to the conclusion that they've made me very uncomfortable. So be a dear and grab me one of those complaint forms.

Howard: Are you sure you should be drinking now?
Raj: How else am I supposed to talk to the human resources lady?
Howard: I don't know. Seek professional help?
Raj: I did. The guy at the liquor store told me this goes great with coffee.

Sheldon: You remember when you told me I talk in my sleep? Well, it occurred to me that like most things I say, it's probably pure gold. So I started recording it all and now Alex gets to comb through 8 hours of what I like to call "Sheldon After Dark".

Leonard: Did you tell something to Penny about me and Alex?
Sheldon: Yes, and a fat lot of good it did me. It just made her angry at you.

Sheldon: The university has mandated that I take an online sexual harassment seminar so this sort of thing doesn't happen in the future.
Alex Jensen: Okay.
Sheldon: Now unfortunately, my time is much too valuable to waste on nonsense like this. So, I'm gonna need you to take it for me.

Raj: Leonard stole my woman and he knows full well I was only 6 to 8 months away from making my move.

Sheldon: Howard Wolowitz, he spent 2 years using university resources building a six-breasted sex robot.

Sheldon: Well, I must say, Leonard, when I first heard your idea for Giant Jenga, I was skeptical.
Leonard: I can't blame you. Tiny Twister was a complete bust.
Sheldon: Oh no, I was wrong. The looming threat of being crushed under a pile of lumber does add a certain spice. I've never felt so alive.

Sheldon: I needed advice about a woman, and I would have asked you, but if the last few years have proven anything it's that you can't tell a uterus from a unicycle.

Leonard: (singing) I'm sorry Alex hit on me, hit on me, hit on me. Sorry Alex hit on me, I'd no idea I'm cute.
Penny: Oh, damn it, you are.
Leonard: Please forgive me. I should have told you about Alex.
Penny: I don't care about Alex. Fine, I care. Okay, I hate that bitch. But what really hurt is that you liked it so much. I mean, do I need to be worried?
Leonard: Of course not. No. Why?
Penny: Because, she is pretty and smart, and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said.
Leonard: You do that?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Hang on. Are you feeling insecure? Because that's my thing, and if you take it away, I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship.
Penny: Yes, Leonard, I am insecure. Happy?
Leonard: No, not happy.
Penny: Why are you smiling?
Leonard: I'm sorry. I just never think of you having feelings like that.
Penny: Well, I do.

Penny: I figured I could sit around and feel insecure, or I could do something about it. So I got a course catalog at school and looked at some of the scence classes.
Leonard: That's great.
Penny: No, it isn't; they are extremely boring. I mean, how do you not kill yourself every day. Anyway, I decided I don't need to be a scientist; I could just look like one. So I bought these.
Leonard: Glasses?
(as Penny puts the glasses on)
Leonard: I really don't think that's going to change- Oh my God, you look so smart and hot!
Penny: I know, right? Watch this.
(pulls the glasses down so she is peering over them)
Penny: Molecules.
Leonard: Okay, come with me.
Penny: Where are we going?
Leonard: My bedroom, so I can take off everything but those glasses. And maybe the boots.

Janine Davis: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don't even know what that means, but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it.
Sheldon: Oh! I see the confusion here. No, no, Alex thought I was singling her out. No. I meant that all women are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You're a slave.
Janine Davis: I'm a what?
Sheldon: Well, y-you, I-I'm just saying, you know, at a certain point in a woman's menstrual cycle...
Janine Davis: Whuh-ah! Woah! You can't talk about that, either, Dr. Cooper. Your language is entirely inappropriate, and I'm gonna advise that you shut your mouth right now.

Bernadette: If she's doing something that's making Leonard uncomfortable, you should talk to her.
Sheldon: Oh no, he's not uncomfortable at all. No, he's loving it. He's struttin' around like he's 5 foot 6.

Amy: I got a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. She might find one in the back of my car. Or in her shower.

Notes and Trivia

First appearance of Janine Davis from Human Resources (Regina King).

Goofs

None

Cast

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