S10E02 - The Military Miniaturization

No: 209  |  Season: 10   Episode: 2  |  Air Date: 2016-09-26  |  Runtime: mins

Colonel Williams: Which one of you is the brains behind all this? Howard: It's a group effort, but I guess if we had to pick a main brain, it would be me. Sheldon: (Strangled sound)

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Summary

Howard is visited by an Air Force colonel regarding his invention. Penny accidentally lets it slip about Bernadette's pregnancy to their co-workers.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Steve Holland & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S10E02 - The Military Miniaturization

Quotes

Sheldon: I think we are losing sight of the real issue. We are on the precipice of becoming faceless cogs in the military-industrial complex. Isn't that exciting?
Howard: You're kidding, right?
Sheldon: Oh, not at all. In Star Wars, when the Stormtroopers would march in perfect formation harassing civilians, didn't you ever think "Hey, that could be me"?
Howard: Sheldon, we could be contributing to a weapon system that oppresses mankind for the next thousand years.
Sheldon: Okay, Howard's on board. What do you think, Leonard?

Howard: You should know we're a little concerned about this being used in weapons.
Colonel Williams: Oh, well, let me put your mind at ease; what we use it for is none of your business.
Leonard: I don't know how I feel about this.
Colonel Williams: Look, guys, it's just a guidance system; it's no like you're handing us the Death Star from Star Trek.

Sheldon: Look at this! Elon Musk has a theory that we're all just characters in some advanced civilization's video game.
Leonard: So some alien kid spent his money on the asthma and glasses upgrade for me?
Sheldon: Well, he-he doesn't say it's a good game.

Sheldon: Leonard's mad at me, so I'm making him lemon bars.
Penny: Does he even like lemon bars?
Sheldon: Not really, but I'm mad at him too, so lemon bars it is.

Howard: Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, guys, hold me upside down.
(Sheldon and Leonard hold him head down in front of the optic scanner)
Computer: Howard Wolowitz. Access granted.
Howard, Leonard, Sheldon: Yaaaay!

Sheldon: I don't understand why I can't talk at this meeting.
Leonard: 'Cause when you talk, it enrages people.
Sheldon: OK. Uh, quick question: am I allowed to exchange pleasantries upon meeting this colonel?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Am I allowed to inform him that Colonel Sanders was never actually in the military?
Leonard: I'm getting enraged.

Marty: Thanks for going to outer space so no matter what I do, my mom will be disappointed in me.

Sheldon: I never realized this building was classified.
Howard: Maybe that's because it's classified.

Penny: How did you think you were going to hide your pregnancy?
Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the DOVE BARS I ATE! I'M PREGNANT! Try to keep up!

Bernadette: Hey, I learned a long time ago when you're four feet eleven and eye level with every guy's crotch, that's where you punch.
Penny: That's funny; I learned something totally different.

Leonard: You're just a know-it-all.
Sheldon: I am not a know-it-all I am a person who knows lots of things and likes to correct other people when they're wrong.
Leonard: That's the definition of being a know-it-all.
Sheldon: Or in German, a Besserwisser.

Penny: I feel so bad; I just lied to her!
Amy: But you did it so well; that's amazing. That's like watching a sculptor, but your clay was lies.
Penny: Is that really what's important right now?
Amy: Seriously, you have *got* to let me scan your brain when you're being dishonest so I can see what lights up.
Penny: This is super helpful, Amy. Thanks a lot; I can't wait to do that!
Amy: I can see a clump of bitch cells lightin' up from here.

Howard: I need to make as much as my wife so I don't have to try so hard in bed.
Leonard: You do that too?
Howard: Oh, yeah, how do you think I stay this thin?

Bernadette: Apple slices? What kind of lunatic goes to McDonald's and gets fruit?

Leonard: You can't put that on Snapchat!
Raj: Fine, I'll put it on Facebook like a caveman.

Penny: When Leonard's feeling anxious, I make him take a long walk.
Amy: Does that help?
Penny: For a while, then he comes back.

Bernadette: I've been trying to figure out a way to get back at her. Do you think using her work computer to Google "How to be a prostitute" is over the line?

Howard: Maybe before our meeting we should talk to a lawyer?
Leonard: It's not a bad idea.
Raj: Hey, you must have someone in your family that's a lawyer.
Howard: Why? Because I'm Jewish? Like me saying "Hey, you're Indian! Doesn't your cousin work in a call center?"
Raj: My cousin does work in a call center.
Howard: And my cousin's a lawyer.

Notes and Trivia

Leonard mentioned that the retina scanner worked without him having to take his glasses off. Ironically, his glass have no lenses.

Sheldon mentions the rediscovery of the Oobius depressus wasp after 101 years. The wasp was collected in traps set in the Midwest between August and October of 2015. The discovery was verified by the UC Riverside Entomology Research Museum in June 2016.

Goofs

None

Cast

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