S02E10 - The Vartabedian Conundrum

No: 27  |  Season: 2   Episode: 10  |  Air Date: 2008-12-08  |  Runtime: mins

Tell her you need the relationship to move at a pace you are both comfortable with.

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Summary

Leonard tries to slow down his relationship with Stephanie when he realizes that they are living together, while Sheldon becomes convinced that he has an untraceable disease.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Steven Molaro / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Richard Rosenstock

Script

Script: S02E10 - The Vartabedian Conundrum

Quotes

Sheldon: (speaking via a computer) We are out of herbal tea. Do you have any?
Penny: Hold on, I'll go check.
Sheldon: Some hiney would be nice.
(Sheldon realizes his mistake right away)
Penny: (offended) Hiney?
Sheldon: (retypes) Honey.

Leonard: What do I say to her?
Penny: I don't know. What do women say to you when they want to slow your relationship down?
Leonard: "I really like you, but I want to see how things go with Mark?"

Howard: (Leonard is scratching himself at the cafeteria) New pants?
Leonard: Yeah, Stephanie got 'em for me.
Howard: Nice. Cotton?
Leonard: Actually, I think it's more of a wool-fire ant blend.

Penny: (proving to Leonard that Stephanie has moved in with him) Hmm... Cute dresses. I bet this looks great on you.
Leonard: We're not living together.
Penny: Okay. Hmm... Scented candles, fuzzy slippers. Ooh, floral bed sheets.
Leonard: We're not living together!
Penny: Okay, moving on. Uh, who are these guys at Disney World?
Leonard: Uh... the big dog is Goofy. And... the older couple with the mouse ears, I have no idea.
(Penny smiles at him)
Leonard: We're not living together!
Penny: You're gonna go down swinging, huh? All right. Well, we've got your body lotion, your "In Style" magazine, your jewelry box.
Leonard: We're not- where's my Bat-Signal?
Penny: You have a Bat-Signal?
Leonard: I did. It was right here. She must have...
(realization dawns on Leonard)
Leonard: Oh, my God. We're living together.
Penny: (sarcastically) Really? What was your first clue?

Leonard: Do you have any fabric softener?
Penny: Yeah, sure.
(Leonard empties the bottle into the washer)
Penny: What are you washing, a crocodile?
Leonard: No, the pants that Stephanie got me.
Penny: Sweetie, you can't machine wash these. They'll be ruined.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Absolutely.
Leonard: (Leonard puts the pants back into the washer and starts it) Oh no, I wish you'd told me that sooner.

Penny: Out of coffee. Need coffee.
Stephanie: Uh, hello.
Penny: Hi! Stephanie, right?
Stephanie: Uh-huh. And, and, and you are?
Penny: I'm Penny, I live across the hall. I've heard a lot about you.
Stephanie: Really?
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Stephanie: I haven't heard a thing about you. Leonard? Why haven't I heard a thing about this woman who lives across the hall and comes into your apartment in the morning in her underwear?
Leonard: She's heard about you because we're, you know, involved and you haven't heard about her because... I never slept with her, I swear!

Howard: (Leonard is having difficulty breaking up with Stephanie) Why don't you text her?
Leonard: Isn't that cowardly?
Howard: Oh, yeah. It's beyond contemptible.
Raj: But then again, you are wearing a bird sweater.

Stephanie: I don't see anything at all, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Fuuh! You're the doctor, but I'm constantly hearing this annoying sound.
Leonard: Me, too.
Sheldon: Is it a high-frequency whistle?
Leonard: No, it's more of a relentless narcissistic drone.
Stephanie: Yep, there's no inflammation at all, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Then it must be a tumor.

Howard: There's a whole buffet of women out there, and you're just standing in the corner, eating the same deviled egg over and over again.
Leonard: At least I have an egg. What do you have?
Howard: A veritable smorgasbord of potential sexual partners. See the blonde over there? I can hit on her and you can't.
Leonard: So go hit on her.
Howard: (after an awkward pause) She's not my type.
Raj: Too bad, 'cause she was checking you out before.
Howard: She was?
Raj: Of course not. Look at her.

Leonard: Maybe it's'a residual bacterial infection from getting toilet swirlies.
Sheldon: It is possible. I got a lot of those. Even at church.
Stephanie: If it's from a swirlie, I have something for that. Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you've got a cootie shot.

Penny: Come on, Leonard, you are entitled to try and make things go the way you want them to!
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yes! You don't always have to go along with what the woman wishes.
Leonard: Huh.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Nothing. Just rethinking my whole life.

Leonard: Don't you think if a woman was living with me that I'd be the first one to know about it?
Penny: Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.

Leonard: What's going on?
Stephanie: I just performed a Sheldonectomy.
Leonard: Careful, if you don't get it all it'll only come back worse.

Notes and Trivia

Sheldon does in fact sing an octave above Middle C. Either Jim Parsons has perfect pitch, or he had some kind of audio cue to match the pitch.

Goofs

None

Cast

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