S02E11 - The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

No: 28  |  Season: 2   Episode: 11  |  Air Date: 2008-12-15  |  Runtime: mins

All I need is a healthy ovum and I can clone my own Leonard Nemoy.

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Summary

Leonard is disappointed when Penny develops an interest in an attractive physicist at the university. Meanwhile, Sheldon struggles to find an appropriate Christmas gift for Penny.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Bill Prady & Richard Rosenstock / Teleplay by: Stephen Engel & Eric Kaplan

Script

Script: S02E11 - The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

Quotes

Penny: (after the tale of Saturnalia) Okay, well, thank you for that, but I got you and Leonard a few silly neighbor gifts, so I'll just put them under my tree.
Sheldon: Wait! You bought me a present?
Penny: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: Why would you do such a thing?
Penny: I don't know. 'Cause its Christmas?
Sheldon: Oh, Penny. I know you think you are being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift. You've given me an obligation.
Howard: Don't feel bad, Penny, it's a classic rookie mistake. My first Hanukah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.
Penny: Now, hey, it's okay. You don't have to get me anything in return.
Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.
Penny: Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.
Sheldon: No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says, "To Sheldon." The die has been cast. The moving finger has writ. Hannibal has crossed the alps.
Howard: (Raj then whispers into Howard's ear then they both laugh) I know. It's funny when it's not happening to us.
Penny: (Exasperated) Sheldon, I am very, very sorry.
Sheldon: No. No, I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life.
(Turning to Howard and Raj)
Sheldon: I'm going to need a ride to the mall.
Howard: It's happening to us.

Leonard: So, um, Dave, don't you think you and I should get back to the lab? You know, that dark matter isn't going to detect itself.
Dr. David Underhill: Actually, I was thinking about taking the afternoon off so I could work on another experiment with Penny.
Penny: Really? We're, we're going to do an experiment.
Dr. David Underhill: Uh-huh, we're going to explore the effects of tequila shots on a gorgeous 22-year-old woman.
Penny: (laughs) That's not an experiment; you saw what happened last night.

Sheldon: I don't see anything in here a woman would want.
Howard: You're kidding! You've got lotions, and bath oils, and soaps. That's the estrogen hat trick!
Sheldon: What it is is a cacophonous assault of eucalyptus, bayberry, cinnamon and vanilla. It's as if my head were trapped in the pajamas of a sultan.
Raj: Sheldon, if you don't like this stuff, let's just go next door and build a bear.
Sheldon: I told you before, bears are terrifying.

Penny: David was just showing me around the university. You know, this place is unbelievable.
Leonard: Yeah, I know. I've been offering to show you around for a year and a half. You always said you had yoga.
Penny: I never said that.
Leonard: Maybe I heard you wrong. A lot of words sound like yoga.

Penny: Ooo, are you okay?
Leonard: Oh yeah, it's just a little motorcycle accident.
Penny: My God, how fast were you going?
Leonard: I don't know, it's all such a blur.
Dr. David Underhill: (laughs) Good one. He couldn't even get it started. Hi, Dave.
Penny: Hi, Penny. Your motorcycle?
Dr. David Underhill: Uh huh.
Penny: Oh, is it okay?
Leonard: Lucky for the bike, it landed on my leg.

Raj: Trailing badly, Wolowitz needs a strike if he has any hopes of catching up with Sheldon Cooper, who is dominating in the 9th frame with a career best, 68.

Dr. David Underhill: So you and her...
Leonard: No, just neighbors.
Dr. David Underhill: Really? I don't know how you live next door to that without doing something about it.

Leonard: I have two words for you: the first is 'Big', the other's 'Whoop'.

Leonard: Look, the guy was just in the right place at the right time with the right paradigm-shifting re-interpretation of the universe; he got lucky.

Sheldon: Your argument is lacking in all scientific merit. Now, it is well established Superman cleans his by flying into Earth's yellow sun, which incinerates any contaminant matter and leaves the invulnerable kryptonian fabric unharmed and daisy-fresh.
Howard: What if he gets something kryptonian on it?
Sheldon: Like what?
Howard: I don't know. Kryptonian mustard.
Sheldon: I think we can safely assume all Kryptonian condiments were destroyed when the planet Krypton exploded.
Raj: Or it turned into mustard kryptonite, the only way to destroy a rogue kryponian hot dog threatening Earth.
Leonard: Raj, please. Let's stay serious here.

Leonard: I have just one question for you. While I am perfectly happy with the way things are between us, you said that you didn't want to go out with me because I was too smart for you. Well, newsflash, Lady. David Underhill is ten times smarter than me. You'd have to drive a railroad spike in his brain for me to beat him at checkers. Next to him, I am like one of those sign-language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes. So my question is, what's up with that?
Penny: (crying) Why are you yelling at me?
Leonard: Sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry. Never mind. We're cool.
Penny: Dave is not smarter than you. He's an idiot.
Leonard: (chuckling) Really? Why would you say that?
Penny: Because. A smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone before he tries to take nude photos of his girlfriend.
Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
Penny: (screaming) That's what you took from that? The guy is married!
Leonard: Oh yeah. I'm sorr... oh, that's terrible!
Penny: And you. If you are so okay with the way things are between us, why are you so jealous?
Leonard: Well, tha... The important thing is he's married, and that's terrible!
Penny: Nice save, genius.

Sheldon: Excuse me, miss.
Charlotte: Yes?
Sheldon: If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us.
Charlotte: Excuse me?
Sheldon: (Gives her the basket) Here. Now, are we friends? Colleagues? Lovers? Are you my grandmother?
Charlotte: I don't understand what you're talking about, and you're making me a little uncomfortable.
Howard: See? Sounds just like you and Penny. We'll take it.

Howard: C'mon, bath stuff! It's perfect.
(picks up basket)
Howard: You got a scented candle, a cleansing burst, spearmint and green tea bath oil; promotes relaxation!
Sheldon: Well, that pre-supposes Penny is tense.
Raj: Oh, she knows you; she's tense. We all are.

Penny: How do you know Leonard?
Dr. David Underhill: I'm a physicist.
Penny: (laughing) No, you're not.
Dr. David Underhill: Why is that so surprising?
Penny: Well, it's just that the physicists I know are indoorsy and pale.
Leonard: I'm not indoorsy. I just wear the appropriate sunblock because I don't take melanoma lightly.

Penny: Hey Sheldon, are you and Leonard putting up a Christmas tress?
Sheldon: No, because we don't celebrate the ancient pagan festival of Saturnalia.
Penny: Saturnalia?
Howard: Gather round, kids, it's time for Sheldon's beloved Christmas special.
Sheldon: In the pre-Christian era, as the winter solstice approached and the plants died, pagans brought evergreen boughs into their homes as an act of sympathetic magic, intended to guard the life essences of the plants until spring. This custom was later appropriated by Northern Europeans and eventually it becomes the so-called Christmas tree.
Howard: And that, Charlie Brown, is what boredom is all about.

(after dismissing Dave's accomplishments, Leonard gushes when Dave wants to work with him)
Leonard: What are you looking at? You've never seen a hypocrite before?

Penny: (after Sheldon gives her several gift baskets) Sheldon, what did you do?
Sheldon: I know! It's not enough, is it? Here...
(gingerly hugs Penny)
Penny: Leonard, look! Sheldon's hugging me!
Leonard: It's a Saturnalia miracle!

Sheldon: Where were you that's more important than Wii Bowling night?
Leonard: Actually, I was...
Sheldon: It's a rhetorical question; there *is* nothing more important than Wii Bowling night.
Leonard: Come on! It's just a video game. And we suck at it.
Sheldon: (gasps) Nice motivational speech from the team captain.

Howard: That doesn't count. Do-over, do-over!
Sheldon: There are no do-overs in Wii Bowling.
Howard: There are always do-overs when my people play sports.

Sheldon: (Opens Penny's gift) Oh, a napkin...
Penny: Turn it over.
Sheldon: (Reading) "To Sheldon Live long and prosper... Leonard Nimoy!"
Penny: He came into the restaurant. Sorry the napkin's dirty - he wiped his mouth with it.
Sheldon: (Face twitching excitedly) I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy?
Penny: Yeah, yeah, I guess, but look, he signed it.
Sheldon: (Now shaking with excitement) Do you realize what this means? All I need is a healthy ovum and I could grow my own Leonard Nimoy!
Penny: Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.

Notes and Trivia

At the end of the episode, Leonard (Johnny Galecki) comments "It's a Saturnalia miracle!" in response to Sheldon (Jim Parsons) hugging Penny (Kaley Cuoco). Saturnalia is an old Roman festival where, among other things, gifts were given, but also an overturning of Roman social norms were performed. The "overturning" of Sheldon's "social norm" of minimal physical contact with people is probably Leonard's meaning.

Michael Trucco is a part of the Battlestar Galactica (2004) cast which is one of Sheldon's favorite shows.

The fictional store at which Sheldon buys Penny's gift is called Le Bain Quotidien {'The Daily Bath'), a pun on the phrase 'le pain quotidien' (daily bread).

The MacArthur Genius Grant is real. It is an annual prize awarded by the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation to U.S. citizens typically to between 20 and 40 working in any field, who "show exceptional merit and promise for continued and enhanced creative work". There is no application process. The award is voted on by an anonymous committee and the recipient is notified via a phone call.

The napkin really is signed by Leonard Nimoy. A photograph exists of Jim Parsons holding it up.

Goofs

None

Cast

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