S02E16 - The Cushion Saturation

No: 33 | Season: 2 Episode: 16 | Air Date: 2009-03-02 | Runtime: mins

Sheldon: That is my spot, in an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be 0-0-0-0. Penny: (blank stare) What?

Summary

Howard hooks up with Leslie, while Penny accidentally ruins Sheldon's spot on the couch.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Lee Aronsohn

Script

Script: S02E16 - The Cushion Saturation

Quotes

Sheldon: Hello, Penny.
Penny: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're in my spot.
Penny: Are you planning on sitting here?
Sheldon: No, I'm going to the comic book store.
Penny: Then, what difference does it make?
Sheldon: What difference does it make?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: That is my spot, in an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be 0-0-0-0.
Penny: (blank stare) What?
Leonard: Don't sit in his spot.
Penny: Fine.
(changes spots)
Penny: Happy?
Sheldon: I'm not unhappy.
(Sheldon exits)
Penny: Boy, I love him, but he is one serious wackadoodle.

Penny: There, nice and comfy, cozy. 0-0-0.
Sheldon: There's one more 0. You forgot the time perimeter.
Penny: Sit on the damn couch.
(sniffs the couch, slowly sits, for barely an instant)
Sheldon: Nope.
Penny: What do you mean "nope"? What's wrong with it?
Leonard: Nothing! It's what's wrong with him!
Penny: It's exactly the same...
Leonard: Penny, Penny, I think I know what to do. Sheldon, I have some bad news.
Sheldon: More?
Leonard: I'm afraid so. You know the cashew chicken I get you on Monday nights?
Sheldon: Yes, from Szechwan Palace.
Leonard: Szechwan Palace closed two years ago.
Sheldon: What? Where did my cashew chicken come from?
Leonard: Golden Dragon.
Sheldon: (Sheldon drops into the spot) No. No, this isn't right. No, our food always comes in Szechwan Palace containers.
Leonard: Yeah, well before they went out of business, I bought 4000 containers. I keep them in the trunk of my car.
Sheldon: But - oh this changes everything.
Leonard: I thought that might take his mind off the cushion.
Sheldon: What's real? What isn't? How can I know?
Penny: You did make that up right?
Leonard: Yeah, I wish I had.
Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: Yeah, buddy?
Sheldon: I still don't like this cushion.

Penny: Oooh, is this one of those paintball guns?
Leonard: Yeah, you ought to come with use sometime.
Penny: Oh, no thanks. I'm from Nebraska; when we shoot things it's because we want to eat 'em or make 'em leave our boyfriends alone.

(to Leslie, Howard and Raj)
Leonard: Where are you going?
Leslie Winkle: Surrender, then Denny's.

Sheldon: Hello, Penny.
Penny: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're in my spot.
Penny: Are you planning on sitting here?
Sheldon: No, I'm going to the comic book store.
Penny: Then what difference does it make?
Sheldon: What difference does it make?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: That is my spot. In an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system that spot at the moment I first sat on it would be 0-0-0-0.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Don't sit in his spot.

Raj: (the guys just found out that Howard has been hooking up with Leslie) Plus you got a rapid prototyper. That's an expensive piece of equipment, dude!
Leonard: The rest of us have had our budgets cut to the bone.
Howard: OK, one way to look at this is that I'm getting new equipment and you're not, and that's unfair. But a better way to look at this is that I'm getting sex and you're not, and that's delightful!

Leslie Winkle: Where's the rest of your squad?
Howard: Uh, they left me here to die. What about yours?
Leslie Winkle: Dead... all of 'em.
Howard: Sorry.
Leslie Winkle: Don't be. It was friendly fire.
(Blows on her paintgun barrel)
Leslie Winkle: They just wouldn't listen.

(before the paintball match)
Sheldon: There's just one thing before we start.
Leonard: What is it, Sheldon?
(Sheldon shoots Penny with his paintball gun)
Penny: What the hell?
Sheldon: That was for my cushion!
Leonard: Sheldon, Penny was our only hope!
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Leonard, but revenge is a dish best served cold.
Penny: Screw that!
(Penny shoots Sheldon)
Sheldon: She can't shoot me, she's dead!
Leonard: (to Penny) He's right, you can't.
(shoots Sheldon himself)
Sheldon: Well, if we're going to descend into anarchy...
(shoots Leonard)

Leslie Winkle: Howard, I got the approval for the rapid prototyper you wanted.
Howard: That's great, Leslie, thanks.
Leslie Winkle: You scratch my back, I scratch your back. Meow!
Raj: What was all that about?
Howard: Oh, uh, no big deal, they gave Leslie control over some unrestricted grant money.
Leonard: Yeah, okay, but what's with the "back scratching" and the "meow."
Sheldon: I believe the "back scratching" metaphor generally describes a quid pro quo situation where one party provides goods or services to second party in compensation for a similar action.
Leonard: (sarcastically) Thank you.
Sheldon: The "meow." That sounded to me like an African civet cat.
Leonard: Are you done?
Sheldon: No. Despite what the name suggests, the civet cat, is not a true cat.
(pause)
Sheldon: Now I'm done.
Raj: You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking, Howard wasn't making a back scratching metaphor. I'm thinking there was some actual scratching involved.
Leonard: What about it, Howard?
Howard: Okay, I didn't want to say anything, cause I know you and Leslie have a little... history.
Leonard: I don't care about that.
Howard: Great, 'cause I've been dying to say something.
Leonard: You and Leslie?
Howard: In the paintball shed! Twice!
Sheldon: Is that why you didn't cover our escape, and let us get cut down like animals?
Howard: Oh yeah, sorry about that.
Sheldon: My good man, dereliction of duty in the face of the enemy is a court martial offense.
Howard: Court martial, schmort martial. Leslie Winkle is the fifth girl I've ever had sex with!
(pause)
Howard: I mean for free.

Sheldon: (Holding the latest issue of The Flash) Hello, Fastest Man Alive. Wanna see me read your entire comic book?
(Flips quickly through comic)
Sheldon: Wanna see it again?

Leonard: Why don't you just eat in your desk chair?
Sheldon: Why don't I just eat in my desk chair?
Penny: Here we go.
Sheldon: That is my desk chair. That is where I work. I don't eat in my desk chair and I don't work in my spot. I work in my desk chair and eat in my spot.
Leonard: (to Penny) Wackadoodle.
Howard: You know, there's kind of an obvious solution here.
(to Raj)
Howard: Get up.
(places Raj's cushion in Sheldon's spot)
Howard: There, problem solved.
(Raj whispers in Howard's ear)
Howard: Nobody cares where you're gonna sit, you're not crazy.
Sheldon: Excuse me, the problem is not solved. If your head had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in it's place, would that be problem solved?
Leonard: If it were your head, it would be.

Howard: I'm busy, ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Too busy to help your mother with her zipper?
Howard: Don't come in, ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Why not?
Leslie Winkle: (Yelling as loud as his mother) He's got company!
Howard: (Holding his chest) Oh, there's the arrhythmia.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Is she Jewish?
Howard: (quietly) Are you Jewish?
Leslie Winkle: (quietly) No.
Howard: (shouting) Yes!

Penny: (Penny turns over the sofa cushion to hide the paint spot on Sheldon's seat) There! Looks fine, right?
Leonard: Mmm... butt print. There's not discernible butt print.
Penny: Oh, come on.
(Sits on cushion)
Penny: There! Butt print.
Leonard: It's too small and too... perfect.
Penny: Thank you!

Sheldon: I have no faith in your dry cleaner.
Penny: Why not?
Sheldon: Did you notice the sign on his counter? He's not a full-time dry cleaner. He also makes keys.
Leonard: Oh, for God's sake, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Focus is important. Was Michael DeBakey a wedding planner in between heart transplants? Did Alexander Fleming moonlight as a hairdresser? "Thanks for discovering penicillin. Now how about we try a bouffant?"
Howard: (phone rings) Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. Hey, baby...
Penny: (to Leonard) His right hand is calling him?

Leonard: (trying to tell Sheldon that Penny accidentally made a mess of his cushion) You know what the best thing about friends is?
Sheldon: They don't talk incessantly for no particular reason?
Leonard: No, no, friends forgive the little things.
Penny: You know, I'm gonna go home and wash my hair, so...
Leonard: Don't you dare, missy!

Penny: Sheldon, I am really, really sorry, but it's only for a week. Can't you be a little bit flexible?
(Leonard, Howard, Raj and Sheldon all look at her)
Penny: Yeah, sorry, I didn't really think that through.

Sheldon: You're in my spot.

Penny: (after unsuccessfully trying to clean the paint off Sheldon's seat) What are we going to do?
Leonard: We? No, no, no. You had your chance to be "we" for like a year and a half now. Right now you are you, and you are screeewwwed!

Howard: That was close.
Raj: God, I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.
Howard: Yeah, still funny, Raj.

Notes and Trivia

None

Goofs