S02E16 - The Cushion Saturation

No: 33  |  Season: 2   Episode: 16  |  Air Date: 2009-03-02  |  Runtime: mins

Summary

Howard hooks up with Leslie, while Penny accidentally ruins Sheldon's spot on the couch.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Lee Aronsohn

Script

Script: S02E16 - The Cushion Saturation

Quotes

Sheldon: Hello, Penny.
Penny: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're in my spot.
Penny: Are you planning on sitting here?
Sheldon: No, I'm going to the comic book store.
Penny: Then, what difference does it make?
Sheldon: What difference does it make?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: That is my spot, in an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be 0-0-0-0.
Penny: (blank stare) What?
Leonard: Don't sit in his spot.
Penny: Fine.
(changes spots)
Penny: Happy?
Sheldon: I'm not unhappy.
(Sheldon exits)
Penny: Boy, I love him, but he is one serious wackadoodle.

Penny: Oooh, is this one of those paintball guns?
Leonard: Yeah, you ought to come with use sometime.
Penny: Oh, no thanks. I'm from Nebraska; when we shoot things it's because we want to eat 'em or make 'em leave our boyfriends alone.

Penny: There, nice and comfy, cozy. 0-0-0.
Sheldon: There's one more 0. You forgot the time perimeter.
Penny: Sit on the damn couch.
(sniffs the couch, slowly sits, for barely an instant)
Sheldon: Nope.
Penny: What do you mean "nope"? What's wrong with it?
Leonard: Nothing! It's what's wrong with him!
Penny: It's exactly the same...
Leonard: Penny, Penny, I think I know what to do. Sheldon, I have some bad news.
Sheldon: More?
Leonard: I'm afraid so. You know the cashew chicken I get you on Monday nights?
Sheldon: Yes, from Szechwan Palace.
Leonard: Szechwan Palace closed two years ago.
Sheldon: What? Where did my cashew chicken come from?
Leonard: Golden Dragon.
Sheldon: (Sheldon drops into the spot) No. No, this isn't right. No, our food always comes in Szechwan Palace containers.
Leonard: Yeah, well before they went out of business, I bought 4000 containers. I keep them in the trunk of my car.
Sheldon: But - oh this changes everything.
Leonard: I thought that might take his mind off the cushion.
Sheldon: What's real? What isn't? How can I know?
Penny: You did make that up right?
Leonard: Yeah, I wish I had.
Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: Yeah, buddy?
Sheldon: I still don't like this cushion.

Leslie Winkle: Where's the rest of your squad?
Howard: Uh, they left me here to die. What about yours?
Leslie Winkle: Dead... all of 'em.
Howard: Sorry.
Leslie Winkle: Don't be. It was friendly fire.
(Blows on her paintgun barrel)
Leslie Winkle: They just wouldn't listen.

Raj: (the guys just found out that Howard has been hooking up with Leslie) Plus you got a rapid prototyper. That's an expensive piece of equipment, dude!
Leonard: The rest of us have had our budgets cut to the bone.
Howard: OK, one way to look at this is that I'm getting new equipment and you're not, and that's unfair. But a better way to look at this is that I'm getting sex and you're not, and that's delightful!

Sheldon: Hello, Penny.
Penny: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're in my spot.
Penny: Are you planning on sitting here?
Sheldon: No, I'm going to the comic book store.
Penny: Then what difference does it make?
Sheldon: What difference does it make?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: That is my spot. In an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system that spot at the moment I first sat on it would be 0-0-0-0.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Don't sit in his spot.

(to Leslie, Howard and Raj)
Leonard: Where are you going?
Leslie Winkle: Surrender, then Denny's.

(before the paintball match)
Sheldon: There's just one thing before we start.
Leonard: What is it, Sheldon?
(Sheldon shoots Penny with his paintball gun)
Penny: What the hell?
Sheldon: That was for my cushion!
Leonard: Sheldon, Penny was our only hope!
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Leonard, but revenge is a dish best served cold.
Penny: Screw that!
(Penny shoots Sheldon)
Sheldon: She can't shoot me, she's dead!
Leonard: (to Penny) He's right, you can't.
(shoots Sheldon himself)
Sheldon: Well, if we're going to descend into anarchy...
(shoots Leonard)

Leslie Winkle: Howard, I got the approval for the rapid prototyper you wanted.
Howard: That's great, Leslie, thanks.
Leslie Winkle: You scratch my back, I scratch your back. Meow!
Raj: What was all that about?
Howard: Oh, uh, no big deal, they gave Leslie control over some unrestricted grant money.
Leonard: Yeah, okay, but what's with the "back scratching" and the "meow."
Sheldon: I believe the "back scratching" metaphor generally describes a quid pro quo situation where one party provides goods or services to second party in compensation for a similar action.
Leonard: (sarcastically) Thank you.
Sheldon: The "meow." That sounded to me like an African civet cat.
Leonard: Are you done?
Sheldon: No. Despite what the name suggests, the civet cat, is not a true cat.
(pause)
Sheldon: Now I'm done.
Raj: You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking, Howard wasn't making a back scratching metaphor. I'm thinking there was some actual scratching involved.
Leonard: What about it, Howard?
Howard: Okay, I didn't want to say anything, cause I know you and Leslie have a little... history.
Leonard: I don't care about that.
Howard: Great, 'cause I've been dying to say something.
Leonard: You and Leslie?
Howard: In the paintball shed! Twice!
Sheldon: Is that why you didn't cover our escape, and let us get cut down like animals?
Howard: Oh yeah, sorry about that.
Sheldon: My good man, dereliction of duty in the face of the enemy is a court martial offense.
Howard: Court martial, schmort martial. Leslie Winkle is the fifth girl I've ever had sex with!
(pause)
Howard: I mean for free.

Sheldon: (Holding the latest issue of The Flash) Hello, Fastest Man Alive. Wanna see me read your entire comic book?
(Flips quickly through comic)
Sheldon: Wanna see it again?

Leonard: Why don't you just eat in your desk chair?
Sheldon: Why don't I just eat in my desk chair?
Penny: Here we go.
Sheldon: That is my desk chair. That is where I work. I don't eat in my desk chair and I don't work in my spot. I work in my desk chair and eat in my spot.
Leonard: (to Penny) Wackadoodle.
Howard: You know, there's kind of an obvious solution here.
(to Raj)
Howard: Get up.
(places Raj's cushion in Sheldon's spot)
Howard: There, problem solved.
(Raj whispers in Howard's ear)
Howard: Nobody cares where you're gonna sit, you're not crazy.
Sheldon: Excuse me, the problem is not solved. If your head had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in it's place, would that be problem solved?
Leonard: If it were your head, it would be.

Howard: I'm busy, ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Too busy to help your mother with her zipper?
Howard: Don't come in, ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Why not?
Leslie Winkle: (Yelling as loud as his mother) He's got company!
Howard: (Holding his chest) Oh, there's the arrhythmia.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Is she Jewish?
Howard: (quietly) Are you Jewish?
Leslie Winkle: (quietly) No.
Howard: (shouting) Yes!

Penny: (Penny turns over the sofa cushion to hide the paint spot on Sheldon's seat) There! Looks fine, right?
Leonard: Mmm... butt print. There's not discernible butt print.
Penny: Oh, come on.
(Sits on cushion)
Penny: There! Butt print.
Leonard: It's too small and too... perfect.
Penny: Thank you!

Sheldon: I have no faith in your dry cleaner.
Penny: Why not?
Sheldon: Did you notice the sign on his counter? He's not a full-time dry cleaner. He also makes keys.
Leonard: Oh, for God's sake, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Focus is important. Was Michael DeBakey a wedding planner in between heart transplants? Did Alexander Fleming moonlight as a hairdresser? "Thanks for discovering penicillin. Now how about we try a bouffant?"
Howard: (phone rings) Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. Hey, baby...
Penny: (to Leonard) His right hand is calling him?

Leonard: (trying to tell Sheldon that Penny accidentally made a mess of his cushion) You know what the best thing about friends is?
Sheldon: They don't talk incessantly for no particular reason?
Leonard: No, no, friends forgive the little things.
Penny: You know, I'm gonna go home and wash my hair, so...
Leonard: Don't you dare, missy!

Penny: Sheldon, I am really, really sorry, but it's only for a week. Can't you be a little bit flexible?
(Leonard, Howard, Raj and Sheldon all look at her)
Penny: Yeah, sorry, I didn't really think that through.

Sheldon: You're in my spot.

Penny: (after unsuccessfully trying to clean the paint off Sheldon's seat) What are we going to do?
Leonard: We? No, no, no. You had your chance to be "we" for like a year and a half now. Right now you are you, and you are screeewwwed!

Howard: That was close.
Raj: God, I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.
Howard: Yeah, still funny, Raj.

Notes and Trivia

None

Goofs

None

Cast

Johnny GaleckiLeonard Hofstadter
Jim ParsonsSheldon Cooper
Kaley CuocoPenny
Simon HelbergHoward Wolowitz
Kunal NayyarRaj Koothrappali
Sara GilbertLeslie Winkle
Carol Ann SusiDebbie Wolowitz