S03E15 - The Large Hadron Collision

No: 55  |  Season: 3   Episode: 15  |  Air Date: 2010-02-08  |  Runtime: mins

Summary

When Leonard is offered a trip to Switzerland on Valentine's Day to visit the CERN laboratory, Sheldon uses any and all means to be his guest instead of Penny.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Steven Molaro & Jim Reynolds / Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Richard Rosenstock & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S03E15 - The Large Hadron Collision

Quotes

Leonard: Come on, what would you guys do if you were me?
Howard: I'd take Sheldon to Switzerland.
Leonard: Seriouly?
Howard: Absolutely. And I'd leave him there.

Sheldon: Which ski hat says "apr?s super collider"?

Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: Hello.
Sheldon: All right, let's dispense with the friendly banter. I believe you know why I'm here.
Penny: Well, I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses and report back to your alien overlords.

Leonard: I know what'll cheer you up; let's play one of your driving games.
Sheldon: All right. This game is called 'Traitors'. I will name three historical figures; you put them in order of the heinousness of their betrayal. Benedict Arnold, Judas, Doctor Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: You really think I belong with Benedict Arnold and Judas?
Sheldon: You're right; Judas had the decency to hang himself after what he did.

Howard: (on cellphone) ... Sweetie. Uh, listen, I need to go, but I'll see you tonight? Bye-bye. Bye-bye. B- No, *you* hang up first. Hello?
Raj: Dude, I'm glad you finally got a girlfriend, but do you *have* to do that lovey-dovey stuff in front of those of us who don't?
Sheldon: Actually, he might have to. There's an economic concept known as a positional good, in which an object is only valued by the possessor because it's not possessed by others. The term was coined in 1976 by economist Fred Hirsch to replace the more colloquial but less precise "neener-neener".

Sheldon: Since I rarely hug, I am relying on your expertise regarding duration.
Penny: I think we're there.

Howard: Sorry I couldn't hang with you last night; I had a date with Bernadette.
Raj: I know. I saw the tweet.

Sheldon: Given that Saint Valentine was a third century Roman priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?

Penny: Okay, what's the big surprise?
Leonard: Just a minute. This tray contains clues as to what you and I are going to be doing on Valentine's Day.
Penny: Oh. Wow. Okay. Let's see. We've got, uh, milk chocolate, Swiss cheese, fondue... My lactose-intolerant boyfriend is going to eat all this, then I'm going to climb on his back and rocket to the moon?
Leonard: No. But it does involve air travel. Okay, um, let me slice this *Swiss* cheese with my *Swiss* army knife, and then *you* can wash it down with a cup of *Swiss* Miss instant cocoa.
Penny: Okay, I'm starting to think Swiss is key here.
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Penny: We're going to Disneyland and ride the Matterhorn.
Leonard: How does that involve air travel?
Penny: We're going to Disney *World* and ride the Matterhorn!
Leonard: No.
Penny: Okay. Sweetie, this started out fun, but I'm over it.
Leonard: We're going to Switzerland to see the CERN supercollider!
(Penny looks at him blankly)
Leonard: And ski. We'll also go skiing.
Penny: We're going skiing in Switzerland?
Leonard: Well, you'll ski, I'll fall, but, yeah, we will be in Switzerland for Valentine's Day.
Penny: Oh, my God! Leonard, that's incredible!

Leonard: (awoken by sounds of Penny vomiting) What's going on?
Penny: (sarcastic) I'm having a tea party. What do you think's going on?
(sounds of Penny hocking up phlegm)
Penny: I think I might have the flu.
(sounds of more vomiting)
Penny: Or the plague.
Leonard: Well, our plane leaves at 9:00 a.m. Do you think you'll feel better by then?
Penny: (sounds of more vomiting) Yeah, 'cause I'm gonna be dead!

Raj: Even though I don't have a girlfriend, I can still have a good time on Valentine's.
Howard: Trust me, you can't. I've tried.
Raj: No, no, no. I'm gonna have a "me" day. I'm gonna go to one of those spas in Koreatown, take a steam, get a massage. Then I'm gonna stop at a pet store and get licked by puppies.

(Sheldon places a tray of cutlery in front of Leonard and leaves)
Raj: What the hell is that?
Leonard: Uh, let's see... Yeah, thirty pieces of silverware.

Sheldon: (Sheldon and Penny both have the flu) I just don't understand how this happened to me. I'm scrupulous about my hygiene, I regularly disinfect my hands, and I avoid contact with other people on general principle.
Penny: I don't know what to tell you, Sheldon.
(Sheldon remembers when he hugged Penny)
Sheldon: It's *you*! I touched *you*!
Penny: Happy Valentine's day.

Raj: Oh my goodness, look at this room.
(gasps)
Raj: Champagne! Roses! Oh, and little chocolates! This is going to be the best Valentine's day ever.
Leonard: Yeah, I forgot about all this.
Raj: But I never will.

Sheldon: I made you breakfast. Juice, coffee, and pancakes in the shape of some of your favorite fictional characters. See, here's Frodo.
Leonard: You made Frodo pancakes?
Sheldon: Yeah, I used coconut shavings to do the hair on his feet.

Sheldon: I've been dreaming about going to the Large Hadron Collider since I was nine years old.
Leonard: Yeah? Well, I've been dreaming about spending Valentine's Day with a girl since I was six.
Sheldon: Shame on you! That's no dream for a scientist!

Penny: You actually put that in an agreement!
Leonard: Uh, yeah. We also put in what happens if one of us wins a MacArthur Grant, or if one of us gets superpowers, of if one of us is bitten by a zombie.
Sheldon: He can't kill me even if I turn.
Penny: Is there anything in there about if one of you gets a girlfriend?
Sheldon: No, that seemed a little far-fetched.

Sheldon: I think you know why I'm here.
Penny: I always assumed it was to study us, discover our weaknesses and report back to your alien overlords.

Sheldon: Help me out. Which ski hat says, "Apr?s Super Collider"?
Leonard: Sheldon, I'm not taking you to Switzerland.
Sheldon: Well, of course you are. Who else would you take?
Leonard: Penny.
Sheldon: What? That's absurd. Penny has no interest in subatomic particle research.
Leonard: Yes, but it'll be Valentine's Day. We can go sightseeing and skiing and make love in front of a roaring fire in the shadow of the snow-capped Alps.
Sheldon: But Penny has no interest in subatomic particle research!
Leonard: I'm sorry, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Sorry? I've been dreaming about going to the Large Hadron Collider since I was 9 years old.
Leonard: I've been dreaming about spending Valentine's with a girl since I was 6.
Sheldon: Shame on you. That's no dream for a scientist.

Sheldon: Round two: Leonard Hofstadter, Darth Vader, Rupert Murdoch.
Leonard: Rupert Murdoch?
Sheldon: He owns Fox and they cancelled Firefly. Hint: he and Darth Vader are tied for number two.

Notes and Trivia

As Judas was paid with 30 pieces of silver, Sheldon slaps down a tray with 30 pieces of silverware in front of Leonard.

The hotel room number is 714. This is also the street number of the Conner home in Roseanne (1988), a show in which Johnny Galecki (Leonard) co-starred for many years.

The melody Sheldon plays on his recorder is Morgenstemning (Morning Mood) by the Norwegian composer Edvard Grieg, from Peer Gynt Suite No. 1, op. 46.

Goofs

None

Cast

Johnny GaleckiLeonard Hofstadter
Jim ParsonsSheldon Cooper
Kaley CuocoPenny
Simon HelbergHoward Wolowitz
Kunal NayyarRaj Koothrappali