S03E16 - The Excelsior Acquisition

No: 56  |  Season: 3   Episode: 16  |  Air Date: 2010-03-01  |  Runtime: mins

Bruce Banner, Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Stephen Strange, Otto Octavius, Silver Surfer, Peter Parker, oh, and worst of all, J. Jonah Jameson, Jr.

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Summary

Sheldon misses an opportunity to get Stan Lee's autograph because he has to make an appearance in traffic court.

Director and Writers

Director: Peter Chakos
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Steven Molaro / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Steve Holland & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S03E16 - The Excelsior Acquisition

Quotes

Sheldon: Good morning, your honor. Doctor Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se. That means I am representing myself.
Judge J. Kirby: I know what it means. I went to law school.
Sheldon: And yet you wound up in traffic court.

Sheldon: I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddie table of yours.

Sheldon: I object! You're completely ignoring the law!
Judge J. Kirby: No, I'm following the law; I'm ignoring you.

Howard: Ouch! Ew, paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut.
Raj: Obviously you don't remember your circumcision.

Leonard: Hey, where you been?
Sheldon: I'll tell you where I've been. You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee and gotten autographed comics, but I saw the inside of his house and got an autographed application for a restraining order.
Howard: (sarcastically) Sweet.
Sheldon: Plus, I get to hang out with him again... at the hearing. This is going to look great, hanging next to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.

Leonard: (Raj enters the comic book store, then presses a button and the Imperial March from Star Wars starts blaring out of speakers in the middle of his shirt and he struts in like he's Darth Vader) Will you please turn your shirt off?
Raj: What? I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music. People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.
Howard: Right. There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man who's got music blasting from between his nipples.

Leonard: I can't decide whether I want Stan Lee to autograph my "Journey into Mystery" 83, first appearance of Thor, or my "Fantastic Four" number 5, first appearance of Dr. Doom.
(Raj presses a button and his remote-controlled shirt plays the 'Jeopardy!' "Think!" music)
Leonard: Alex, I'm gonna go with "What is... you're a dumbass?"

Sheldon: (knock knock knock) Penny?
(knock knock knock)
Sheldon: Penny?
(Penny immediately opens the door)
Penny: (knock knock knock) Penny?
Sheldon: That's just wrong.

Sheldon: I was found guilty and fined $533.
Penny: I'm gonna write you a check for that as long as you promise to put it in your drawer and never cash it like the others.

Sheldon: I've decided I'm going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy of this month's Batman.
Leonard: That's crazy; Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.
Sheldon: Yes. Which is why no-one else will ask him to sign one, and I will be the possessor of a unique albeit confusing artifact which will set me apart from the hoi polloi of comic book fandom.
Raj: That's a great idea; I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.
Sheldon: What is it about the the word 'unique' you don't understand?

Sheldon: This is Stan Lee's front door. We were on Stan Lee's curb, then we were on Stan Lee's walk and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.
Penny: Yup.
(Penny rings the doorbell)
Sheldon: Oh, Lord. You just rang Stan Lee's doorbell. It's Stan Lee's house. We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.
Penny: Okay. Sweetie, I don't know if we're gonna have cookies or he's just gonna say hi or really what's gonna happen so just let me talk and we'll...
(the door opens)
Stan Lee: Yeah?
Penny: Are you Stan Lee?
Stan Lee: Oh damn.
Penny: Hi. I'm Penny. This is my friend Sheldon.
Sheldon: We're not friends at the moment. Depends on how this goes.
Penny: Right, right. Anyway Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours and he was supposed to meet you the other day at the comic book store but he kind of ended up in jail.
Stan Lee: I see. And you thought you'd just come over to my house uninvited?
Sheldon: You said we *were* invited.
Penny: Oh, no no, I said I'm inviting *you* to come with *me* to Stan Lee's house.
Stan Lee: You know, you fanboys are unbelievable! Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want? I mean, why don't you just come on in and watch the Lakers game with me?
Sheldon: Well, I'm not much of a sports fan, but thank you.
(walks in. Stan Lee stares at Penny)
Penny: Sir, he doesn't really understand sarcasm.
Stan Lee: Well I'll give him something he'll understand. Joanie! Call the police!
Penny: Nice to meet you.
(Penny runs away)

Howard: (to Sheldon) Stan Lee or you in court. Uh, if this was Sophie's Choice, it would have been a much shorter movie.

Sheldon: (to large man in jail cell) That's my spot.

Howard: (Raj keeps rattling off names, and Howard has had enough) WILL YOU JUST LET IT GO ALREADY?

Penny: (calling Leonard on the phone) Sheldon's in jail.
Leonard: Sheldon's in jail?
Raj: (to Howard) You called it.
Leonard: For what?
Penny: What do you think? For doing the same crap he always does, except to a judge.

Penny: Got any fun plans?
Stuart: Oh yeah, big night tonight. Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.

Howard: (after hearing Raj incessantly rattle off character names with same two initials; as he does so) Okay, that's it. I'm cutting in front of you. I'm not going to talk to Stan Lee after you cheesed him off.

Sheldon: Excuse me? Excuse me, jailer?
Guard: What?
Sheldon: I need to use the restroom.
Guard: (Motions to cell toilet) Knock yourself out.
Sheldon: That's the toilet?
Guard: Well, it ain't a wishing well.
Sheldon: Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.

Leonard: It's not that big a deal. You just go down to the court on Thursday and you pay the fine.
Sheldon: I'm not gonna pay a fine! That would imply I'm guilty!
Howard: You *are* guilty.
(Raj presses a button and his remote-controlled shirt plays the 'Law & Order' "thunk thunk" sound; Raj, Howard and Leonard snicker with laughter)
Howard: That one I liked.

Howard: Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.
Howard: There, there must be thousands of dollars here! Why don't you put it in the bank?
Sheldon: I don't trust banks. I believe when the robots rise up, ATMs will lead the charge.

Notes and Trivia

Before Sheldon learns that he will have to go to court instead of getting a comic book signed by Stan Lee, he announces his plan for Lee to sign a Batman comic (despite Lee having had nothing to do with Batman), stating that he will then have "a unique, albeit confusing, artifact." Raj then announces his intention to do the same, de-uniquing Sheldon's intended artifact. Later, while Raj is standing in line, the viewer can see that he plans to follow through with stealing Sheldon's idea as he is holding a Batman comic. Even later, after the signing, while Raj is holding what the viewer is led to believe is the comic that Lee signed for him, it can be seen that the comic is indeed Batman.

Raj repeatedly questions why so many of Stan Lee's characters have alliterative names, including apparently to Stan Lee himself; Stan Lee has stated and written numerous times in real life that the reason is because alliterated names are easier to remember and he didn't want to mix them up.

Sheldon misses out on meeting Stan Lee at a comic book signing because he must appear in traffic court. The nameplate on his bench shows the judge's name is Judge J. Kirby. Jack Kirby was a comic book artist who often worked alongside Stan Lee and helped create some of Marvel Comics' most popular titles.

Sheldon tells Penny, "The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on". This is a quotation from verse 51 of the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, a collection of poems originally written around the 11th century AD, as translated from Persian into English by Edward FitzGerald (first published in 1859).

The traffic summons that Sheldon receives shows that he was photographed on November 16th driving Penny to the hospital. The episode in which this happens, The Adhesive Duck Deficiency (2009), was indeed first aired on November 16th, 2009.

Goofs

None

Cast

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