S04E01 - The Robotic Manipulation

No: 64  |  Season: 4   Episode: 1  |  Air Date: 2010-09-23  |  Runtime: mins

This is very interesting. Cultural perceptions are subjective. Penny, to your mind, are you a slut?

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Summary

Penny ends up tagging along on Sheldon's first ever date with Amy, while Howard finds an unusual use for a robotic arm.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Dave Goetsch / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Eric Kaplan & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S04E01 - The Robotic Manipulation

Quotes

Howard: There you have it, gentlemen. Our entire dinner unpacked by robot.
Raj: And it only took 28 minutes.

Sheldon: (about Howard's robot arm) Impressive, but we must be cautious.
Howard: Why?
Sheldon: Today, it's a Chinese food retrieval robot. Tomorrow, it travels back in time and tries to kill Sarah Connor.
Leonard: I don't think that's gonna happen, Sheldon.
Sheldon: No one ever does. That's why it happens.

Sheldon: If Amy and I choose to bring new life into this world, it will be accomplished clinically, with fertility experts in a lab with Petri dishes. Which reminds me, you have broad hips and a certain corn-fed vigor. Is your womb available for rental?

(to get the robot arm off of Howard's junk, Leonard and Raj lead him into the emergency room)
Howard: Don't tug! No tugging.
Raj: Next time, take your own advice.

Penny: Who's Amy?
Leonard: His girlfriend.
Penny: (blindsided by the news) Sheldon has a girlfriend?
Sheldon: She's not my girlfriend.
Penny: How long has this been going on?
Leonard: Four months.
Sheldon: She's not my girlfriend.
Penny: Are you telling me for the past four months, I have been asking you "What's new?" and you never thought to go with "Sheldon has a girlfriend"?

Sheldon: Amy pointed out that between the two of us, our genetic material has the potential of producing the first in a line of intellectually superior benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow.
Howard: I'm guessing that future historians will comdemn us for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon.

Howard: (using his robot arm to give himself a massage) Oh, yeah. Just like a real hand.
(he perks up, then turns and glances at the hand)
Howard: (getting an idea) Hmm...

Leonard: (his phone rings) Hey, Howard. What's going on? Wh... Wait, Howard, slow down. The robot hand is stuck to your what?
(aside, to Raj)
Leonard: You're not gonna believe this.

Penny: (sighs) OK, you know what? I'm gonna come at this in a whole new way. Sheldon, if you try to make a baby with Amy in a petri dish, I'm going to tell your mother on you.
Sheldon: Well, that's no threat. My mother's always wanted a grandchild.
Penny: Really, your deeply religious, born again Christian mother wants a test tube grandbaby born out of wedlock?
Sheldon: (stunned) Curses.

Penny: So, um, Amy, Sheldon tells me you're a Neuro... something or other?
Amy: Neurobiologist. Your "check engine" light is on.
Penny: Yeah, it's OK.
Amy: But the light indicates...
Sheldon: Don't, bother, I've wasted many an hour tilting at that particular windmill.
Penny: Uh, what is that scent you're wearing? It smells great.
Amy: Dandruff Shampoo. I have dry scalp.
Penny: Ah, well your hair looks very nice.
Amy: Are you a homosexual?
Penny: No, No, I'm just, giving you a compliment.
Amy: Hm. Would have been more flattered if you were a homosexual.
Penny: Guys, how about some music?
Sheldon: Oh, I wouldn't care for that, Amy?
Amy: No, thank you.
Penny: OK. Uncomfortable silence it is. Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy what it was like for you growing up in Texas?
Sheldon: No.
Penny: Well, why don't you tell her?
Sheldon: Alright. It was hell.
Penny: Any follow up Amy?
Amy: No.
Penny: I, myself, grew up in Nebraska. Small town, outside of Omaha. Yeah, a nice place, mostly family farms, a few meth labs.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, how is this better than uncomfortable silence?
Penny: I don't know, I was just trying something.
Sheldon: Muggles.

Penny: So, um, Amy, what about you? Do you date much?
Amy: Once a year. It's a deal I made with my mother in exchange for her silence on the matter, as well as the occasional use of her George Foreman Grill that seals in the flavor without the fat. How about you, Penny? Do you go on many dates?
Penny: Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many. A few.
(Sheldon giggling)
Penny: What's?..
(Imitates his giggle)
Sheldon: Your characterization of approximately 171 different men as "a few".
Penny: What... Where did you get 171 men?
Sheldon: Simple extrapolation. In the three years that I've known you, you were single for two. During that time, I saw 17 different suitors. If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias, and postulate an initial dating age of 15...
Penny: Whoa, wait, wait, wait. I did not start dating at 15.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Sixteen?
Penny: (Sheepishly) Fourteen.
Sheldon: My mistake. Now, assuming the left side of a bell curve peaking around the present, that would bring the total up to 193 men. Plus or minus eight men.
Amy: Remarkable. Did you have sexual intercourse with all of these men?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Although that number would be fairly easy to calculate. Oh. Based on the number of awkward encounters I've had with strange men leaving her apartment in the morning, plus the number of times she's returned home wearing the same clothes she wore the night before...
Penny: Okay, Sheldon, I think you've made your point.
Sheldon: So we multiply 193... minus 21 men before the loss of virginity... so 172 times 0.18 gives us 30.96 sexual partners. Let's round that up to 31.
Penny: Okay, Sheldon, you are so wrong. That is not even close to the real number. I'm gonna need a drink over here.
Amy: This is very interesting. Cultural perceptions are subjective. Penny, to your mind, are you a slut?
Penny: No! No!.. No. Let's just all finish our dinners, okay?
Sheldon: This is an interesting topic.
(to Amy)
Sheldon: How many sexual encounters have you had?
Amy: Does volunteering for a scientific experiment in which orgasm was achieved by electronically stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain count?
Sheldon: I should think so.
Amy: Then 128.

Howard: I loaded the wrong program. The hand thinks it's holding a screwdriver in outer space. If you continue the program, it's going to start twisting.

Penny: Ooh, what's that?
Howard: That, dear lady, is the Wolowitz Programmable Hand, designed for extravehicular repairs on the International Space Station.
Penny: Oh, cool.
Howard: Ask me to pass the soy sauce.
Penny: Oh, does that come up much on the space station?
Howard: Mostly with Asian and Jewish astronauts.
Penny: All right. Pass the soy sauce.
Howard: Coming up.
Leonard: (breaking the awkward silence as Howard types on his laptop) So, how's work?
Penny: Oh, it's not bad. Kinda hungry.
Leonard: Yeah, we all are.

Sheldon: You realize, Penny, that the technology that went into this arm will one day make unskilled food servers such as yourself obsolete.
Penny: Really? They're gonna make a robot that spits on your hamburger?
Sheldon: (to Leonard) I thought you broke up with her. Why is she here?

Penny: (Howard demonstrates his robotic arm) That's amazing.
Sheldon: I wouldn't say amazing. At best, it's a modest leap forward from the basic technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.
Howard: Hey, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes?
(Howard types on his laptop; his robot arm swings around and extends its first two fingers)
Sheldon: Peace?
Howard: (intending something else) No, not peace. Hang on.

Raj: (skeptically) You slipped and fell into a robot hand.
Howard: (embarrassed about what he was really doing) Yes.
Raj: Penis first?
Howard: Yes. Now, help me!
Leonard: I'd suggest a lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on some of that, as well.

Sheldon: (knocking on Penny's door) Penny. Penny. Penny.
Penny: You do realize I stand on the other side of the door waiting for you to finish knocking three times.
Sheldon: I know. I can see the shadow of your feet under the door.
Penny: Yeah, my point is it's a waste of time.
Sheldon: If you're looking for an example of a waste of time, I would refer you to the conversation we're having right now.

Penny: Sheldon has a girlfriend?
Sheldon: She's not my girlfriend.
Penny: Ah... d-d-d-d... How did they meet?
Howard: Raj and I entered Sheldon's information on a dating site, and it spit out Amy Farrah Fowler.
Penny: Oh, my God! Sheldon and Amy.
Howard: Or, as we call them, "Shamy".
Penny: Shamy. I am so digging the Shamy!
Sheldon: All right, everyone pay attention. Yes, I have a friend named Amy Farrah Fowler. Yes, she is female. Yes, we communicate on a daily basis, but no, she is not my girlfriend.
Penny: Okay, well, what do you communicate about?
Sheldon: Well, my work in physics, her work in neurobiology, and most recently, the possibility of our having a child together.
(taking a drink of water, Penny spits it out in surprise, and Howard uses his robot arm to pass her a napkin)
Penny: Thank you.

Leonard: Excuse me, could you help us out?
Nurse Althea: (seeing Howard with the robot arm on his junk) My, my, my. What do we have here?
Howard: I slipped and fell.
Nurse Althea: Yeah, we get that a lot.

Nurse Althea: What is this?
Howard: It's a robot arm.
Nurse Althea: Where's the rest of the robot?
Howard: I just built the arm.
Nurse Althea: Because that's all you needed, right?

Penny: You don't even like people touching you. How are you gonna have sex?
Sheldon: Why on earth would we have sex?
Penny: Oh, honey, did your mom not have the talk with you? You know, when your private parts started growing?
Sheldon: I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.

Penny: (about Howard's robot arm) Does NASA know you're using that thing as a napkin holder?
Howard: You kidding? They still think it's in a secure locker at JPL.
Penny: You stole it?
Howard: Borrowed. The trick is to carry it out to your car like you own it.

Penny: Your hair smells nice. What fragrance are you using?
Amy: Dandruff shampoo. I have a dry scalp.
Penny: Well, your hair looks nice.
Amy: Are you a homosexual?
Penny: Um, no. Just paying you a compliment.
Amy: I would have been more flattered if you were a homosexual.

Sheldon: Amy's at the dry cleaner and she's made a very amusing pun, "I don't care for perchloroethylene and I don't like glycol ether.""

Sheldon: I've decided to take your advice and have arranged to go on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler.
Penny: Oh, that's great. Have fun.
Sheldon: Wait. You have to drive me.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: You know I don't drive.
Penny: Well, go ask Leonard.
Sheldon: I did. He said, and I quote, "Ask Penny. It was her cockamamy idea."
Penny: Leonard said "cockamamy"?
Sheldon: Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, I'm uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamy".
Penny: Okay, fine. When's the date?
Sheldon: Now.
Penny: Now?
Sheldon: Hurry. We're going to be late.
Penny: Sheldon, did it ever occur to you that I might have other plans?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Do you have other plans?
Penny: Well, no, not per se, but...
Sheldon: So this conversation is as pointless as your door-knocking soliloquy?
Penny: Let me get my... cockamamy keys.

Nurse Althea: I need a orderly with a wheelchair. I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
Howard: You think you could you be a little more discreet?
Nurse Althea: I'm sorry, we don't have a code for "robot hand grasping a man's penis".

Raj: There's something I've always wondered about Aquaman... Where does he poop?.. What would a toilet look like in Atlantis? How would you flush it? And when you did flush it, where would the poop go?

Notes and Trivia

According to Mayim Bialik, Amy wasn't conceived as a scientist yet in the previous episode, The Lunar Excitation (2010). During the gap between seasons 3 and 4, it was decided that Amy should be a neurobiologist, since Bialik has a PhD in neuroscience and could thus portray the character more accurately as the show's neuroscience consultant.

The term "Shamy", that represents a combination of the name Sheldon and Amy, was first introduced by Howard.

Vernee Watson, who plays the triage nurse, also plays the receptionist at the sperm clinic in the pilot. She also played a triage nurse in the season 1 episode The Peanut Reaction (2008), and she played a nurse in Chuck Lorre's other show Two and a Half Men (2003).

Goofs

None

Cast

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