S04E02 - The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification

No: 65  |  Season: 4   Episode: 2  |  Air Date: 2010-09-30  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: You don't know where I am. My physical body is safely ensconced in a secure, undisclosed location. Leonard: You're in your bedroom.

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Summary

When Sheldon calculates the technology to download his consciousness into a robot won't be invented soon enough, he desperately tries to find a way to increase his lifespan.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Bill Prady & Lee Aronsohn & Steve Holland / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Steven Molaro & Jim Reynolds

Script

Script: S04E02 - The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification

Quotes

Sheldon: This may seem a little odd at first, but over time, You'll grow accustomed to dealing with me in this configuration.
Penny: Yeah. To be honest, I don't see much difference.

Sheldon: I'm going to miss so much. A unified field theory, cold fusion, the dogapus.
Leonard: What's a dogapus?
Sheldon: A hybrid dog and octopus. Man's underwater best friend.
Leonard: There's somebody working on that?
Sheldon: I was going to! I planned on giving it to myself on my three-hundredth birthday.
Leonard: Wait a minute, you *hate* dogs.
Sheldon: A dogapus can play fetch with eight balls. No one can hate that.

Sheldon: At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?
Leonard: At the hands of your roommate?
Sheldon: An accident.
Leonard: Oh, that's how I'm gonna make it look.

Sheldon: (Sheldon steers his mobile presence device up to Penny) You're in my spot.

Penny: (Sheldon just fell down the stairs) Oh my god, are you okay?
Sheldon: I think so.
Penny: Let me help you up.
Sheldon: Thank you.
(Very loud fart)
Penny: Oh, Sheldon!
Sheldon: If it makes you feel any better, Thursday is no longer cruciferous vegetable night.

(Sheldon joins the others for dinner as his new "Shel-bot.")
Sheldon: Greetings, friends.
Leonard: Greetings, whatever-the-hell you are.

Penny: (to Raj and Howard) So, either one of you weirdos want to buy my underwear? only 1400 bucks.
(Raj and Howard giggle at first and then think about it)

(Sheldon has introduced his 'virtual presence device' to his friends)
Howard: (Raj whispers in his ear) Really? That's your question, "When did he put a ramp in"?

Penny: What's my share?
Leonard: 12 bucks.
Penny: Can I get it to you after Friday, when I get paid?
Leonard: Sure
Penny: What am I up to now?
Leonard: Well, okay, with the Indian food, the pizza, the Thai food, the tank of gas, the frozen yogurt, and your rent, a little over $1400.
(Raj whispers in Howard's ear and both giggle)
Penny: What now?
Howard: He's just expressing his admiration that you don't even have to put out to get free stuff.
Penny: It's not free. I'm going to pay him back.
Penny: (Raj whispers into Howard's ear again and both giggle) Shut up!

Sheldon: (Sheldon's virtual presence device has no arms) Leonard, my door.
Leonard: What about it?
Sheldon: Be a lamb and open it for me.
Leonard: (feigning ignorance) Why? What's the problem?
Sheldon: You think you have me stymied, don't you?
Leonard: No, I think a doorknob has you stymied.

Leonard: How can you walk around with no money?
Penny: I'm cute, I get by.

Sheldon: Raj, be a lamb and open the door for me.
Raj: Oh, sure.
(Raj opens the door for Sheldon's virtual presence device)
Sheldon: (to Leonard) He's a lamb. You're not.
Raj: (proudly) I'm a lamb.

Penny: What up, Shelbot?
Sheldon: I can't get out of bed. I hurt my ankle.
Penny: What do you want me to do?
Penny: Sing me 'Soft Kitty'.
Penny: Really? You want me to sing 'Soft Kitty' to a computer monitor?
Sheldon: Would you rather come over and sing it to me in person?
Penny: (singing) Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...
Sheldon: Closer to the microphone.
Penny: Happy kitty, pretty ki...
Sheldon: No, you have to start over.
Penny: (singing) Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur
(Sheldon starts playing his recorder)
Penny: Happy kitty, pretty kitty, purr, purr, purr.

Sheldon: In order to live long enough to fuse my consciousness with cybernetics, I need to change my diet.
Penny: Wait, cybernetics is robot stuff, right?
Sheldon: Correct.
Penny: So you want to turn yourself into some sort of robot?
Sheldon: Essentially, yes.
Penny: OK, here's my question. Didn't you already do that?

Howard: (Raj whispers in Howard's ear) You're right. Penny jogs. Maybe you guys can run together.
Sheldon: That's an excellent idea! If we chat, it will create the illusion of time going faster.
Penny: (unenthused) No, it won't. Um... hey, how does he know I jog?
Howard: Oh, he watches you from his car with high-powered binoculars.
Penny: (disgusted) Oh, my god! That is so creepy!
Howard: (mimicking Penny's tone of voice) I know!
(Raj whispers in Howard's ear)
Howard: And he says he's not gonna stop.
(freaked out, Raj whispers in his ear again)
Howard: Yeah, well, then see a shrink and figure out how to talk to women.

Leonard: Sheldon, this is ridiculous.
Sheldon: I'm behind you. Please look at me when you're talking to me.
Leonard: I am looking at you.
Sheldon: No, you're not. Pay *no* attention to that man in the bed.

Leonard: Whatcha doing there? Working on a new plan to catch the Road Runner?
Sheldon: The humorous implication being that I am Wile E. Coyote?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: And this is a schematic for a bird-trapping device that will ultimately backfire and cause me physical injury?
Leonard: Yes.
(Sheldon gives a gasping derisive laugh)
Sheldon: What I'm doing here is trying to determine when I'm going to die.
Leonard: A lot of people are working on that research.

Sheldon: You're my 15th favorite technological visionary.
Steve Wozniak: Only 15th?
Sheldon: It's still 6 spots above Steve Jobs. I care neither for turtlenecks nor showmanship.
Steve Wozniak: Yeah, I never got that turtleneck thing.
Sheldon: One of my proudest possessions is a vintage 1977 Apple II. Despite the file system limitations of Apple DOS 3.3, it was a pretty nifty little achievement.
Steve Wozniak: Thanks. We were shooting for nifty. You know if you had it here, I'd autograph it for you.
Sheldon: Don't move for 15 to 30 minutes depending on how the buses are running.
Steve Wozniak: Nerds.

Howard: What do we owe you?
Leonard: It came to $28.17 Let's say six bucks apiece.
Howard: (as Howard and Raj hand money over to Leonard) There you go.
Leonard: Thank you.
(Leonard looks at Penny who has a stunned look on her face)
Penny: What?
Leonard: Never mind, I got it.
Penny: Oh, you wanted me to pay.
Leonard: It's no big deal.
Penny: No, no, no, you're right, we're not going out anymore. I should pay for myself.
(Raj whispers in Howard's ear, and they start laughing)
Penny: What?
Howard: No, he, uh, He said if he had woman parts, he'd eat for free the rest of his life.
Penny: Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to talk to yourself.

Sheldon: Where's your heart rate monitor?
Penny: I don't have one.
Sheldon: What about you pedometer?
Penny: I don't have one.
Sheldon: Do you have telematics in your shoes connected to an iPod?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Well, what do you do? Do you just go out there and gambol about like a bunny?
Penny: No. I just run till I'm hungry and then I stop for a bear claw.

Howard: (Raj just whispered something to him) You're right. Penny jogs, maybe you guys can run together.
Sheldon: That's an excellent idea! Yeah, if we chat, it will create the illusion of time going faster.
Penny: (unimpressed) No, it won't.

Howard: I say we just take him to Tatooine and sell him to some Jawas.
Raj: That's two, dude. Write your own jokes.

Sheldon: (Thinks he has appendicitis) So this is how it ends... with cruel irony. Just as I make the commitment to preserving my body, I am betrayed by my appendix, a vestigial organ. Do you know the original purpose of the appendix, Leonard?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: I do, and yet I'm doomed while you live on.
Leonard: Funny how things work out, isn't it?
Sheldon: Oh Lord, I think it's about to burst!
(Loud fart)
Sheldon: On the other hand, it might have been the Brussels sprouts.
Leonard: Good night.
(Sheldon goes back to his room)
Sheldon: Good night. Appendicitis. What a nervous Nelly.

Penny: Have you ever run before?
Sheldon: Certainly. I've run from bullies, dogs, angry chickens, and one particularly persistent P.E. teacher determined to bend me over and give me a scoliosis test.

Howard: Oh, look. It's Leonard and R2-D-bag.
Raj: That's my joke; I told it last night. You can't just use it.

Notes and Trivia

One of three episodes where Sheldon (Jim Parsons) wears shorts; the others are The Luminous Fish Effect (2007) and The Rothman Disintegration (2012)

The song played by Sheldon in the car is Greensleeves.

The woman seated with Steve Wozniak, Janet Hill, is Steve's wife in real life. They have been married since 2008.

There are multiple The Wizard of Oz (1939) references in this episode. First, when Sheldon says don't pay attention to the man laying in the bed. Second, when they call Steve Wozniak the great and powerful Woz.

Goofs

None

Cast

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