S04E05 - The Desperation Emanation

No: 68  |  Season: 4   Episode: 5  |  Air Date: 2010-10-21  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: I don't want to be joined to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis. Amy: In what way are you screwed?

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Summary

Sheldon is scared that he is in a relationship when Amy asks him to meet her mother, and Leonard asks Howard and Bernadette to set him up because he is the only person in the group without a girlfriend.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Bill Prady & Lee Aronsohn & Dave Goetsch / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Steven Molaro & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S04E05 - The Desperation Emanation

Quotes

Amy: I find the notion of romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships.
Sheldon: Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing anyone has ever said to me.

(Amy and Sheldon are speaking to Amy's mother over a video computer connection on a laptop)
Mrs. Fowler: It's nice to meet you too, Sheldon. I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend.
Sheldon: I assure you I am quite real. And I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
Mrs. Fowler: (in a surprised tone) What?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt.
Mrs. Fowler: (scared) Amy, what is he saying?
Amy: You wanted me to have a boyfriend, mother. Well, here he is.
(Sheldon waves at the computer screen, while Mrs. Fowler nervously waves back)
Amy: Have to sign off now. My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.
Sheldon: Oh yes. It's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.
(Mrs. Fowler makes a little yelp as Sheldon closes the computer top)
Amy: Thank you, Sheldon; that went very well.
Sheldon: Agreed. Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship.
(Amy stares at him blankly)
Sheldon: Bazinga.
(looks at his watch)
Sheldon: Bedtime. Please show yourself out.

Leonard: Howard, I appreciate the effort, but this is like, the worst date of my life.
Howard: Seriously? I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual I met on JDate, and that didn't even crack my top 10.

Amy: I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred when I asked you to meet my mother.
Sheldon: No misunderstanding. I've learned what that request actually means, and I don't want to be joined to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.
Amy: In what way are you screwed?

Debbie Wolowitz: Howard, get the door!
Howard: Why can't you get it?
Debbie Wolowitz: You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy! I'm like an upside-down volcano here!

Joy: (belches) this lobster tastes good on the way up, and the way down
(laughs)

Sheldon: What makes you chuckle, Leonard?
Leonard: Um, recently? Not much.
Sheldon: Is it because of the conflict that arises from your desperate need to pair bond with a woman, and the apparent collective decision of all womankind to deny you that opportunity?
Leonard: Um... shut up.

Leonard: Alright, well let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed.
Leonard: There you go.

Raj: You remind me of the funny old story about a man who walks into a women's correctional institution with a stack of paperwork that would allow the female convicts to go free.
Leonard: You're saying I couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a handful of pardons.
Raj: Are you going to let me tell the story or not?

Leonard: Have you considered telling her how you feel?
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie.

Leonard: Hey, guys.
Howard: Hey.
Raj: Hey.
Sheldon: Alright, I'll bow to social pressure. Hey.

Leonard: So, Bernadette tells me she knows you from a self defense class?
Joy: Yeah, Israeli Krav Maga, lots of fun. Basically a hundred different ways to rip a guy's nuts off.
Leonard: Wow, didn't think there'd be that many.
Joy: (lunging her hand at him) Number forty-two!
Leonard: Whoa!
Bernadette: (laughing) Isn't she a pip?

Leonard: You have a girlfriend? How could you have a girlfriend? You can't even speak to women.
Raj: Uh, two words: deaf chick. It doesn't matter if I can't talk because she can't hear me.
Leonard: What?
Raj: That's what she said.

Sheldon: You know, it just occurred to me: if there are an infinite number of parallel universes, in one of then there's probably a Sheldon who doesn't believe parallel universes exist.
Leonard: Probably; what's your point?
Sheldon: No point. It's just one of the things that makes one of the mes chuckle.

Leonard: Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend. How do I look?
Sheldon: As if one of the plants from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" duplicated you in every way, only with an absurd amount of hair gel.

Leonard: You changed the address on the building? What about mail?
Sheldon: No worries, I explained my predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic. His exact words were "Got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy."

Amy: From a neurobiological standpoint, Leonard, you may be alone because your psychological state is causing an actual pheromone-based *stink* of desperation.

Sheldon: Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother.
Leonard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: What does that mean?
Leonard: Well, you know how you're always saying that Amy is a girl who's your friend, and not your girlfriend?
Sheldon: Uh-huh.
Leonard: You can't say that anymore.
Sheldon: What?
Leonard: She obviously wants to take your relationship to the next level.
Leonard: I don't want the next level. I like this level. Fix it for me!
Leonard: Me? How am I supposed to fix it?
Sheldon: Simple! You want a girlfriend, Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend. Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing.

Notes and Trivia

Due to a horseback riding accident where she broke one of her legs, Kaley Cuoco is absent from this episode and the next, and is listed as credit-only.

Marks the first time Amy Farrah Fowler's mother is seen, and the only time she is played by Annie O'Donnell before being re-cast with Kathy Bates in season 11.

Title reference: Amy claims that Leonard wants a girlfriend so badly that he is literally emanating pheromones that make him stink of desperation.

Goofs

None

Cast

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