S05E15 - The Friendship Contraction

No: 102  |  Season: 5   Episode: 15  |  Air Date: 2012-02-02  |  Runtime: mins

Leonard: Once I tried carrying around a Duncan yo-yo, hoping the other kids would start calling me Duncan. Howard: Did it work? Leonard: No, they ended up calling me Sock Mouth. Because they took away my yo-yo and stuffed their socks in my mouth.

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Summary

Leonard signs out of his roommate agreement, reducing himself and Sheldon to mere acquaintances, while Howard tries to think of a cool astronaut nickname for himself.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Steven Molaro & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S05E15 - The Friendship Contraction

Quotes

Amy: I'm sorry, Sheldon. I'm busy. I'm right in the middle of my addiction study. I've got a lab full of alcoholic monkeys, and tomorrow's the day we switch them to O'Douls.

Sheldon: An 8.2 magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena, reducing mighty edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames, the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. Oh, excellent choice!

Sheldon: I was just sitting at home, thinking about how it might be nice to catch up with my ninth favorite person.
Stuart: Ninth?
Sheldon: You moved up one. My pen pal in Somalia was kidnapped by pirates.

(Sheldon sounds a virtual klaxon in Leonard's bedroom)
Leonard: Yahhh! What the hell!
Sheldon: Emergency preparedness drill.
Leonard: Oh, no, come on!
Sheldon: You know how it works. Once a quarter; keep our readiness up. Now, rise and shine sleepyhead, half the town is probably dead.
Leonard: I have to get a lock for my door.

(During a blackout Leonard and Penny start to make out. Sheldon walks in unannounced)
Sheldon: Excuse me, Leonard.
Leonard: Since when DON'T you knock? It's like the only good thing about you!

Raj: Dude, if you're going to be an astronaut, you need to pick a cool nickname.
Howard: I don't get to pick it. The other guys have to give it to me.
Raj: If I had one, it would be Brown Dynamite.
Howard: Are you not listening to me? The other astronauts have to give you your nickname.
Raj: Are you not looking at me? I *am* Brown Dynamite!

Sheldon: Now, put on your hard had and safety vest.
Leonard: Oh, fun! I get to spend another night in front of our apartment dressed like one of The Village people.
Sheldon: You make that joke every three months; I still don't get it.

Sheldon: My apologies. I would have been here sooner, but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.

Massimino: Hey, Howard. Thanks for getting up so early.
Howard: No problem, Dr. Massimino.
Massimino: The guys here call me Mass.
Howard: Mass. That's a cool nickname, because force equals mass times acceleration.
Massimino: Yeah, it's just short for Massimino.

Sheldon: (to Amy) You're my girlfriend and you're not going to cater to my every need? Oh, where'd the magic go?
Penny: Sheldon, that's not what girlfriends are for. Although, you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know...

Penny: I got some candles in my apartment.
Sheldon: Candles, during a blackout! Are you mad! That's a fire hazard. No, Pasadena Water & Power recommends the far safer glow stick.
Leonard: You call that a glow stick?
(Pulls out a glowing lightsaber replica)
Leonard: That is a glow stick.

Leonard: Sometimes crazy looks like sad so it'll suck you back in.

Leonard: Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California
Sheldon: Yeah really? You think those hippies in Washington and Oregon can stop them?

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! Are you coming down for breakfast?
Howard: Ma, I told you I have a video conference with NASA! I said don't bother me!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut!
Howard: Yes, please listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut!

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! Your Froot Loops are getting soggy!
Howard: Not now!
Massimino: Who's that?
Howard: My mom. Sorry.
Massimino: No problem... Froot Loops.

Sheldon: So, um. how are you?
Stuart: Uh, not so good; my shrink just killed himself. Blamed me in the note.
Sheldon: Great, great.

Penny: Oh, good, your power's out too.
Leonard: Why is that good?
Penny: Because last month I sent the electric company a Starbucks gift card, an apology note, and a few snapshots of me in a bra.

Sheldon: Are you saying that you want to invoke Clause 209?
Leonard: I don't know what that is, but if it means I can go home and sleep, then yes.
Sheldon: Think carefully here. Clause 209 suspends our friendship and strips down the Roommate Agreement to its bare essentials. Our responsibilities toward each other would only be rent, utilities, and a perfunctory chin jut of recognition as we pass in the hall. "S'up?"
Leonard: Where do I sign?
Sheldon: Right here.
(turns his tablet around)
Sheldon: Use your finger.
Leonard: There, done.
Sheldon: All right, that's it. We are now no longer companions, boon or otherwise. We are now merely acquaintances. To amend the words of Toy Story: You have not got a friend in me!

Sheldon: Two years ago, after a deep gum cleaning, I thought I got on a bus, but somehow wound up on a booze cruise to Mexico.

Stuart: Sheldon, I'm working; I can't take you to the dentist. Also, and I can't stress this enough, I don't want to take you to the dentist.

Sheldon: He'll be back. Wine and a girl in the dark; he's going to be bored out of his mind.

Leonard: It's just a blackout. I'm sure the power'll be back on soon.
Sheldon: And I'm sure some fool in the Donner party said the snow would stop any day now. I like to think they ate him first.

Sheldon: I'll tell you exactly how he did. Readiness, unsatisfactory; follows direction, barely; attitude, a little too much. Overall, not only will he probably die in a fiery inferno, his incessant whining would most certainly spoil everyone else's day.

Howard: Next week I fly to Houston for orientation and zero-gravity elimination drills.
Penny: What does that mean?
Bernadette: He's gonna learn to poop in space.
Howard: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
Raj: Maybe your nickname should be Brown Dynamite.

Raj: What about we make your astronaut nickname Howard "Buzz" Wolowitz.
Howard: You can't do Buzz. Buzz is taken.
Raj: Buzz Lightyear's not real.
Howard: No, that's not what I'm talking about.
Raj: Well, are you talking about when he thought he was real.
Howard: No.
Raj: Ok, um, oh, how about Crash? Howard "Crash" Wolowitz?
Howard: Yeah, terrific; the other astronauts would love to go hurtling through space with a man named Crash.

Notes and Trivia

Michael Massimino, a NASA astronaut, makes a cameo appearance.

Open the pod bay doors, Hal is a reference to the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968).

Goofs

None

Cast

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