S05E16 - The Vacation Solution

No: 103  |  Season: 5   Episode: 16  |  Air Date: 2012-02-09  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: Richard Feynman was a famous American physicist, part of the Manhattan project. Howard: Everyone in the world of science knows who Richard Feynman was. Sheldon: Now you do too.

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Summary

When the university forces Sheldon to use vacation days, he decides to hang out in Amy's lab. Howard becomes upset when he hears Bernadette wants him to sign a prenuptial agreement.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Anthony Del Broccolo & Tara Hernandez / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Steven Molaro & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S05E16 - The Vacation Solution

Quotes

Sheldon: If the guard at the University asks what's under the blanket, you tell him it's some lobster traps.
Leonard: Lobster traps?
Sheldon: Yes, that's how Velma and Scooby smuggled Shaggy into the old lighthouse.

Penny: (after Howard says he won't sign a pre-nup) Alright Howard Wolowitz, listen up. You sign anything she puts in front of you because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting.

Sheldon: I'm on vacation. Social convention dictates that I let my hair down at a local watering hole. Social convention is stupid.

Leonard: Sheldon, everybody takes vacations.
Sheldon: One time, they tried to make Richard Feynman take a vacation, but he chose instead to expand his mind and learn something new. He went to work in his friend's biology lab.
Sheldon: (turns to Howard) Richard Feynman was a famous American physicist, part of the Manhattan project.
Howard: Everyone in the world of science knows who Richard Feynman was.
Sheldon: Now you do too.

Sheldon: I have plenty of experience in biology. I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998, and... it's still alive.

Amy: We can be like Marie Curie and her husband Pierre, who spent their days working side by side bathed in the glow of their love and the radium that ultimately killed her. Screw Beauty and the Beast, *that's* the love story Disney should tell.

Amy: I'm excited to work with my boyfriend. It's going to be be romantic.
Sheldon: Way to kill the mood.

Penny: I'm a believer in breaking bad news to a guy when you're in bed. That's how I told my high school boyfriend I slept with his brother. That's how I told his brother the same thing.
Bernadette: I don't know. I don't wanna manipulate him with sex.
Penny: Oh, sweetie, that's what sex is for.

Sheldon: Here you go! This is now the only lab with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan.

Sheldon: There was something wrong with that detergent. That was way too bubbly.

Howard: I haven't seen him laugh that hard since the day Leonard made that multiplication error.
Sheldon: (laughing) Oh, oh lord, that multiplication error! He thought he carried the one, but he didn't!
Leonard: It's not funny. That mistake got published.
Sheldon: Stop! I'm going to wet myself!

Amy: Are we nervous, Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: No. What you see is a man trembling with confidence... Does the locus coeruleus normally bleed that much?
Amy: No. But your thumb does.
Sheldon: Oh dear!
(faints)
Amy: Yeah, *you're* a biologist.

Bernadette: Are you mad at me?
Howard: No. I'm not mad at you; I just wish you would have come to me so I didn't have to hear it through the nerd-vine.
Bernadette: So, what are we going to do?
Howard: You really want me to sign a pre-nup?
Bernadette: I don't know. My dad's pretty insistent on it though.
Howard: Why don't I talk to your dad? Man to man.
Bernadette: Really? Ah, that'd be so great
Howard: Done.
Bernadette: I should probably give you a heads up about a couple things. Even though he's retired from the police force, he still carries his gun. But don't worry, he wont shoot it; it's more of a fashion statement.
Howard: Okay.
Bernadette: And just to be safe, when you talk to him don't bring up Jimmy Carter, gardeners, foreign people, homosexuals, Sean Penn, Vatican II, gun control, organic food, the designated hitter rule, recycling or the fact that you're Jewish.
Howard: Got it, got it. Will you email me that list?
Bernadette: So the thing to watch for: if he's shouting at you, you're okay, but if he starts to get real quiet leave as quickly as you can without making eye contact. Not in a straight line; throw some zigs and zags in there.
Howard: Y'know, th- this isn't that pressing. Why don't I talk to him about it in May?
Bernadette: In May you're going to be on the International Space Station.
Howard: They got phones.

Sheldon: Excuse me! You have Dr. Sheldon Cooper in your lab. You're gonna make him do dishes? That's like asking the Incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar!

Penny: If I tell you something, you promise not to tell anybody?
Leonard: Doesn't matter what I say, you're gonna tell me anyway.
Penny: Wha...? That is not true. Bernadette wants a prenup.
Leonard: Wow. That's rough.
Penny: If I became a famous movie star and we got married, you wouldn't sign a prenup?
Leonard: Heh, absolutely not. If I'm gonna be at home with the kids while you're on location cheating on me with Ryan Gosling, then Leonard gots to get paid.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, I think I've come up with a fun way to get young people interested in science. Physics Mad Libs. Now, give me a number.
Leonard: Five.
Sheldon: Un-huh. And an irrational constant.
Howard: E.
Sheldon: And a funny Greek letter.
Raj: Gamma.
Sheldon: I said funny.
Raj: Upsilon?
Sheldon: Good one! And an electrical charge.
Leonard: Positive.
Sheldon: Ha. Perfect. Get this.
(reads)
Sheldon: Professor Jones told the symposium he had a new method for calculating the mass of a muon. Five times the limit of
(laughs)
Sheldon: E to the upsilon as in a
(breaks up laughing)
Sheldon: Okay, no no, ahem. I'll start over. Professor Jo-
(breaks up laughing again)

Raj: President Siebert is headed this way.
Howard: I wonder what he wants.
Leonard: Well, he doesn't look happy, so I assume he wants to talk to Sheldon.
President Siebert: Dr. Cooper.
Leonard: Told ya.

Amy: Wash 'em again.
Sheldon: You're being ridiculous. Those are perfectly clean.
Amy: Sheldon, this beaker used to contain cerebral spinal fluid from an elephant that died of syphilis. If it's, in fact, perfectly clean, drink from it.
Sheldon: Biologists are mean.

Penny: (to Sheldon and Howard at the bar) What are you guys doing here?
Howard: We're grown men. We drink at bars.
Penny: No, and no.

Sheldon: Hawaii is a former leper colony on top of an active volcano where the disappointing ending to Lost was filmed. Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii.

Sheldon: My family took a trip to Florida when I was a child. A seagull stole a hot dog from me on the beach. I got the message.

Leonard: Is that your laundry? You only have, like, six things in there.
Penny: Yeah. I didn't have any quarters, so I've been sneaking stuff into other people's loads all day.

Amy: Do you honestly think you can just waltz back in here after the way you behaved yesterday?
Sheldon: I was not myself. I had lost a lot of thumb blood.
Amy: That's not an apology.
Sheldon: That is your opinion.
Amy: I want a real apology.
Sheldon: I'm sorry that you weren't able to...
Sheldon: No.
Sheldon: that my genius...
Amy: No.
Sheldon: that the soap was...
Amy: Sheldon!

Raj: Mr. Roper's dead? You can't just spring that on a guy!

Penny: I'm so glad you talked Howard out of having your wedding invitations in Klingon.
Bernadette: Turn it over. I'm hoping my relatives think it's Hebrew.

President Siebert: So then I'll see you all on Monday. Except for you.
Sheldon: But if I don't come in to work, what am I supposed to do with myself?
President Siebert: Read, rest, travel. I hear Afghanistan is nice this time of year.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Howard: (sarcastically) No, you should go.

Notes and Trivia

Leonard sings "I gotta feeling" by Black Eyed Peas in his car.

Sheldon claims Einstein failed math. This common belief is completely false. Einstein was doing differential calculus before the age of 10. Granted, he once said he could have taken his work further but he lacked the math; however, no other physicist had the math at that time.

Goofs

None

Cast

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