S05E17 - The Rothman Disintegration

No: 104  |  Season: 5   Episode: 17  |  Air Date: 2012-02-16  |  Runtime: mins

Bernadette: I don't know. You can't take it down. You'll break her heart. Look at that face. That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.

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Summary

Sheldon battles Kripke for a coveted office at the university. Penny receives a very unusual gift from Amy.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Bill Prady & Steve Holland / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds

Script

Script: S05E17 - The Rothman Disintegration

Quotes

Leonard: (about the basketball competition) All right, we gave it 45 minutes. It's no longer funny. Let's try something else.

Sheldon: And let him win? Do I look crazy to you?

Raj: At least you finally got a window that opens. That's nice.
Sheldon: Is it? Listen.
Raj: What? You don't like wind chimes?
Sheldon: No. I hate them, but it gets worse... There it is!
Howard: The bird?
Sheldon: It's completely out of tune with the wind chimes.
Raj: So?
Sheldon: You don't get it, do you? That's a mockingbird. Mockingbirds can change their song. Which means, he's out of tune on purpose. He's mocking me.

Kripke: How does it work?
Sheldon: Oh, it's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Kripke: I'm sowwy, can you wepeat that?
Sheldon: Oh, of course. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Kripke: Almost got it. One more time?
Sheldon: Sure! Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock...
Howard: Hey, Sheldon!
Sheldon: ...rock crushes...
Howard: Stop. He's screwing with you.
Sheldon: Is he? Well, then, seems we have reached an impasse. I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel. I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.

Leonard: All right, this is one-on-one. First person to five wins. Any questions? Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Five what?
Leonard: Balls in the basket.
(Sheldon gives a thumbs-up to Leonard)

Penny: (to Amy) I cannot believe you've never seen "Grease".
Amy: My mother didn't allow me to watch it. She was afraid it might encourage me to join a gang.

Howard: It's a shame Professor Rothman was forced to step down.
Leonard: What choice did the university have? He snapped. It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.
Howard: I wonder how long Sheldon's got?
Sheldon: These shrimp are all the same size. There is no logical order to eat them in.
(Throws shrimp away)
Leonard: It can't be very long.

Leonard: Why is there a hole here?
Sheldon: Why is there a hole in my new office? I've narrowed it down to two possibilities. There was something in the wall that someone outside the wall wanted, or, the more disturbing, there was something in the wall that wanted out.

Penny: (taking the painting of her and Amy down) Okay, let us take you off the wall.
(she puts it behind the couch)
Penny: Out of sight, out of mind... I wish.

Amy: You know, can I borrow that movie? Those singing hooligans really got my motor running.
Penny: (giving her the "Grease" DVD) Sure, sure, enjoy. I mean, get it back to me when you can. Or you know what? Actually, you keep it. It's just going to be my gift to you. Bye.
Amy: (taking DVD) Thank you.

Raj: I paid $25 to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand. He sent me a stick. He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.
Howard: It's numbered.
Raj: Heh. Ooh. Limited edition. Nice!

Leonard: (Sheldon has gotten his head stuck in a hole in his office wall) Why would you do that?
Sheldon: I wanted to see what was inside.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: It's called scientific curiosity!

Leonard: (Watching Sheldon and Kripke play basketball badly) You know all those terrible things bullies used to do to us?
Raj: Yeah.
Leonard: I get it.

Howard: Sheldon was higher.
Leonard: Congratulations Sheldon. You win the office.
Sheldon: Who's unsatisfactory in P.E. now?

Amy: Before I met you, I was a mousy wallflower. But look at me now. I'm like some kind of downtown hipster party girl! With a posse, a boyfriend, and a new lace bra that hooks in the front of all things!

Amy: Good night, painting Penny. Good night, real Penny.
Penny: Good night, real Amy.
Amy: You don't have to say good night to painting Amy, because she's never leaving.
Bernadette: Good night, real Penny.
Penny: Bye.
Bernadette: Good night, transvestite Penny.

Sheldon: (to the mockingbird) And you! The notes are C, D, E, G, and A. You pick one or I'm chopping down that tree!

Amy: Good night, painting Penny. Good night, real Penny.
Penny: Good night, real Amy.
Amy: You don't have to say good night to painting Amy because she's never leaving.

Sheldon: Use the force, Sheldon. Use the force.
(Throws ball, it falls short of the basket)
Sheldon: I'm gonna need more force.

Leonard: There's not much you're both equally good at.
Raj: Is there anything you're both equally bad at?
Sheldon, Kripke: Sports.

Bernadette: I have to get up early. My company is developing a steroid that doesn't shrink testicles, and the last one there has to do the measuring.

Sheldon: (in the rest room) President Seibert?
President Siebert: Can't this wait?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, we just need a word.
President Siebert: Now? You realize I'm your boss and I am holding my penis.
Kripke: Sheldon, give the man some pwivacy. I'm sowwy, this guy's got no wespect for boundawies.

Sheldon: Kripke. Come in. I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?
Kripke: Am I weawing a summer fwock? No, I don't want tea. Wet's get down to bwass tacks.
Sheldon: Fine. In the interest of preserving our friendship...
Kripke: We're not fwiends.
Sheldon: Well, that's a little hard to hear, but all right. As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise. With that in mind, I propose the following. I will take Rothman's office, and you will find a way to be okay with that.
Kripke: How about I take Wothman's office and you go suck a wemon?

Sheldon: This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard: You just called dibs.
Sheldon: Shut it.

Penny: (about the painting of her and Amy) It's got to go.
Bernadette: What will you tell Amy?
Penny: How about I tell her the painting makes you feel jealous because you're not in it?
Bernadette: Nuh-uh. What if she gets me one? I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach. I've suffered enough.
Penny: Well, I guess I could take it down and put it up when she comes over, but it's kind of heavy.
Bernadette: Mmm, too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.

Sheldon: Oh dear! There it is again. Do you feel it?
Howard: The growing realization that you are one wacky bastard? Yep.
Sheldon: No, the vibration. We are directly underneath the Geology lab and they're running their confounded sieve shakers again. Hey gravel monkeys! If you need to shake rocks, try jiggling your heads around!

Sheldon: (at the urinals at work) Kripke.
Kripke: Yes.
Sheldon: You're in my spot.

Bernadette: Good night, real Penny.
(looks at the painting of Penny)
Bernadette: Good night, transvestite Penny.

Bernadette: (she and Penny are staring at the painting of Amy and Penny) That is big.
Penny: So big.
Bernadette: And ugly.
Penny: So ugly. What am I gonna do?
Bernadette: I don't know. You can't take it down. You'll break her heart. Look at that face. That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.
Penny: Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?
Bernadette: That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?

Sheldon: (Knock on door) Ooh. That'll be Kripke.
Leonard: What's he doing here?
Sheldon: We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen. And if that doesn't work, I'm going to poison his tea.

Amy: (noticing the painting of her and Penny is missing) Where did the painting go?
Penny: (gestures behind couch) Over there.
Amy: Why?
Penny: I have no idea. That is weird.
Amy: You hate it.
Penny: No, no, no, it's just, it's a little big.
Amy: (taking the painting) I feel like an idiot.
Penny: No, come on, you're not an idiot. Look, just help me put it back up.
Amy: Why? So you can just take it down when I leave? I don't need your pity.
(walks out with painting)
Penny: Oh, Amy, come on!
Amy: (crying) I'm just glad I didn't go for the sculpture!

Sheldon: Ah, the spoils. I can see why victors love them.

Sheldon: Mr. Rothman, this isn't your office anymore. You're retired.
Professor Rothman: I think the word you're looking for is "invisible".

Sheldon: I see no other option but to challenge you to a duel. I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.

Notes and Trivia

None of the guys share any scenes with the girls in this episode.

Sheldon explains the rules of Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock twice. In both cases, he uses exactly the same words in the same order together with identical hand gestures. They are also exactly the same as when he explained the rules in The Lizard-Spock Expansion (2008).

When Sheldon is complaining about his new office you can see on the white board that he has written the notes the chimes play and several combinations of notes the bird sings.

While the set dressing in the bathroom scene at the university may look normal at first, the mirrors mounted on the back wall over the sinks are actually tilted downwards at a slight angle so they only reflect the bathroom floor. This was done to prevent them from reflecting the cameras & studio audience in them, which they would do if they were mounted properly.

Goofs

None

Cast

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