S05E18 - The Werewolf Transformation

No: 105  |  Season: 5   Episode: 18  |  Air Date: 2012-02-23  |  Runtime: mins

Now who's dying of jealousy? Oh, it's you.

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Summary

Sheldon wreaks havoc when he tries to get a haircut from his regular barber, who is ill. Howard runs into a few problems with astronaut training.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Todd Craig & Gary Torvinen / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Steven Molaro & Jim Reynolds & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S05E18 - The Werewolf Transformation

Quotes

Penny: Why did you get bongos?
Sheldon: Richard Feynman played the bongos. I thought I'd give that a try.
Leonard: Richard Feynman was a famous physicist.
Penny: Leonard, it's three o'clock in the morning! I don't care if Richard Feynman was a purple leprechaun who lived in my butt!

Leonard: Sheldon, you're a grown man, he's a professional, and your haircut is number three on that poster from 1946. Just sit down and let him do it.
Sheldon: Fine. But if I come out of this looking like a dork, it's on you.
(Sheldon sits down and Angelo starts preparations to cut his hair)
Angelo: So my kid did the funniest thing today...
Sheldon: No.
(Stands up and walks out)
Leonard: (to Angelo) When you tell this story later, the word we usually use is quirky.

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Trying to get the hair out of my eyes.
Leonard: Sheldon, you are one day late for your haircut.
Sheldon: Thank you for captioning my nightmare.

Howard: (Describing survival training) I ate a butterfly. It was so small... beautiful... I was so hungry.

Sheldon: I have spent my whole life trying to bring order to the universe by carefully planning every moment of every day - but all my efforts: our dinner schedule, my pajama rotation, my bowel movement spreadsheet - it's clear now; I've been wasting my time.
Leonard: Good. I'm taking that disgusting chart off the fridge.

Penny: All right, Sheldon, this craziness has gone on long enough. Please come home so I can cut your hair.
Sheldon: Penny, you're not trained, you're not licensed, and most importantly, you don't have access to my haircut records.
Penny: All right, honey, look. We've known each other for a long time now, right? I've taken you to Disneyland, I kicked a bully in the nuts for you, I sing you "Soft Kitty" when you're sick, you've even seen me naked once.
Leonard: I'm sorry, what?
Penny: It's a long story. Anyway, Sheldon, I promise I know what I'm doing. Please let me cut your hair.
Sheldon: Amy, what do you think?
Amy: There's not a hair on my body I wouldn't let this woman trim.

Amy: Sheldon, you're ruining girlfriend-boyfriend sing-along night.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I'm looking for a barber, and I'm running out of time. My hair is growing at the rate of four point six yoctometers per femtosecond. And if you're quiet, you can hear it.
Amy: What about Supercuts?
Sheldon: I tried once. They do men's and women's hair in the same room at the same time. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah with mousse.

Sheldon: To paraphrase T.S. Eliot, this is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a nephew.

Penny: (Penny is cutting Sheldon's hair) Almost done.
Sheldon: At the end of the haircut, Mr. D'Onofrio would tell me a dirty joke.
Penny: Well, sorry, I don't know any dirty jokes.
Sheldon: That's okay, I never understood them anyway.

Howard: Could you do me a favor and overnight me some more underwear?
Bernadette: Sure. Why?
Howard: I got a look at the centrifuge they're gonna spin me around in tomorrow and I have a hunch I packed a little light.

Penny: Where are you going?
Sheldon: Wherever the music takes me, kitten.

Penny: Okay, I'm just going to clean up your neck a little, and then you are good to go.
Sheldon: Okay.
(Sheldon jerks and laughs)
Sheldon: I'm sorry, sometimes the clippers tickle me.
Penny: Okay.
(Sheldon throws back his head, laughing, and the clippers slide up the back of his head)
Penny: Okay, yup, we're all done now.
(grabs the hand mirror)
Penny: Let me just take that away from you.
(removes towel from his shoulders)
Penny: Okay.
Sheldon: Thank you very much.
Penny: You are welcome.
(Sheldon leaves)
Penny: Yup, I'm going to have to move.

Amy: Well, this isn't a crisis. Why don't you just let your hair grow out a little?
Sheldon: Why don't I let my hair grow out? Um, why don't I start wearing Birkenstocks and seeking validation of my opinions by asking: "Can you dig it?"
Amy: Well, I don't know. I think you might look sexy with long hair. The kind that flows down to your shoulders and blows back while riding on a horse. Bareback and barechested...
(pauses)
Amy: I'm gonna go brush my teeth, it might take a while.

Howard: (Describing survival training) I'm severely dehydrated.
(embarrassed pause)
Howard: My pee is like toothpaste.

Penny: Sweetie, are you all right?
Sheldon: No, I'm not all right. It's been six days since I was supposed to get a haircut. And nothing horrible has happened.
Penny: Okay, I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Sheldon: Leonard, explain it to her.
Leonard: Oh. Uh, he's crazy.

Penny: If I were you, I'd be worried that a girl who's never played chess in her life just kicked your ass.

Bernadette: Is there anything I can do to help?
Howard: No... wait, send more underwear.

Bernadette: (about Howard's survival training) Do you sleep in tents?
Howard: No. I slept in a hole I dug in the ground, with my bare hands. And at some point during the night, an armadillo crawled in... and spooned me.

Sheldon: Thank you for letting me sleep on your couch.
Amy: There's only so many times a woman can say "How about the bed?".

Leonard: I think this could be good for you. Maybe it's time for you to shake things up a bit.
Sheldon: You're right. I should embrace the chaos.
Leonard: Great! What are you gonna do first?
Sheldon: I don't know. I could do anything. All bets are off. The world is my oyster.
(hammers his hand at the table)
Sheldon: I got it. I'm gonna put on my Tuesday pajamas tonight.

Penny: You know, Sheldon, I used to cut my brother's hair. I could do it for you.
Sheldon: Penny, I know you mean well, offering the skills of the hill-folk. But here in town we don't churn our own butter, we don't make dresses out of gunny sacks, and sure-as-shootin' don't get our hair cut by bottle blonde...
Leonard: (interrupting) Sheldon, be nice!
Sheldon: I'm sorry. It's the bad boy attitude that comes with this hair.

Penny: So, if I move my horsey here... Isn't that checkmate and I win?
Leonard: (long pause) Hm.
Penny: Well, is it or isn't it?
Leonard: You know, I think this is a good stopping point. Uh... it's your first real game, I threw a lot of information at you...
Penny: Uh, no, your king is trapped. He can't go here because of my lighthouse, and he can't go here because because of my pointy-head guy.
Leonard: Like I said, complicated game.
Penny: So did I win or not?
Leonard: Did you have fun? Because if you had fun, then you are, you are a winner. And that's... that's what chess is all about.
Sheldon: (coming in) Hello.
Leonard: Hey.
Penny: Oh, hey. Sorry, Sheldon, I'll move.
Sheldon: Nah, why? My spot, your spot... What difference does it make?
Penny: Okay, what just happened?
Leonard: I don't know. Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer and Sheldon being okay with you in his spot, I'm guessing someone went back in time, stepped on a bug and changed the course of human events.

Leonard: I'm just going to run to the store and get a few things; I'll pick you up when you're done.
Sheldon: Okay. I-I like it a little better when you stay, but all right.
Angelo: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello. I'm here for my haircut with Mr. D'Onofrio.
Angelo: I'm sorry. Uncle Tony's in hospital. He's pretty sick.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Mr. D'Onofrio is in the hospital. Why do these things always happen to me?
Angelo: I could cut it for you.
Sheldon: You're not Mr. D'Onofrio. I get my haircut by Mr. D'Onofrio.
(to Leonard)
Sheldon: You believe this guy?

Leonard: (waking up by hearing rhythm sounds) Don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos. Please, don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos.
(gets up, walks into the living room)
Sheldon: (playing bongos, "sings" to the rhythms) Hello, Leonard, do you like my bongos? Bet you didn't know that I had bongos.
Leonard: Sheldon, it's three o'clock in the morning.
Sheldon: (sings) Three in the morning is a good time for bongos!
Leonard: I was sleeping!
Sheldon: (sings) Leonard sleeps while I play bongos!
Leonard: No, he doesn't.
Sheldon: (sings) Leonard no sleep while I play bongos! Bongo solo!
(plays wilder)

Sheldon: (sings off screen) I play bongos walking down the stairs.
Sheldon: (falls) Oh! Oh!
(Penny looks freaked and worried at the same time)
Sheldon: (continues singing) Never play bongos walking down the stairs!

Sheldon: (singing) I play bongos, walkin' down the stairs.
Sheldon: (He falls) Oh, ow!
Sheldon: (singing) Never play bongos walkin' down the stairs.

Howard: I got to experience zero gravity.
Bernadette: Cool. How do they do that?
Howard: It's pretty neat. You get in this plane that goes almost straight up for like 20 seconds and then straight back down like it's gonna crash, and they do it over and over again, no matter how many times you throw up.
Bernadette: You threw up?
Howard: Yeah. And the craziest part is because there's no gravity, the throw-up kind of floats there. In a little ball, and if your mouth is open because you're screaming, sometimes it just floats right back in.

Notes and Trivia

At one point while talking to Bernadette about astronaut training, Wolowitz makes a reference about attending sunset Sabbath services at "Camp Hess Kramer". This is a real camp operated by Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles and has been in existence since the fifties.

Howard experiences zero gravity in an airplane that flies straight up into the air and then straight back down. He says he threw up during the experience. For this reason, astronauts lightheartedly call this airplane "The Vomit Comet."

Sheldon claims his hair grows at 4.6 yoctometers/femtosecond. That converts to 1.2 cm in 30 days which is consistent with normal hair growth rates.

The strip on the back of Jim Parsons's head was shaved bald for real. The show was on a brief hiatus afterwards, so there was enough time to have Parsons grow it back.

When Leonard mentions changing reality by going back in time and killing a bug, he is referring to a short story "A Sound of Thunder" by Ray Bradbury about a sportsman going back in time to shoot an already doomed Tyrannosaurus rex and steps off the designated path, kills a butterfly changing the history/reality of his time.

Goofs

None

Cast

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