S06E14 - The Cooper/Kripke Inversion

No: 125  |  Season: 6   Episode: 14  |  Air Date: 2013-01-31  |  Runtime: mins

Raj: Two words, 3-D printer. Wait, maybe it's three words. No, hang on. Okay, one word, a letter and a number and maybe a hyphen. 3-D printer.

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Summary

Sheldon is forced to work with Kripke on a project and must concoct an elaborate lie when he can't hold up his end of the work. Howard and Raj get superhero figurines made of themselves.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Eric Kaplan & Anthony Del Broccolo / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Jim Reynolds & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S06E14 - The Cooper/Kripke Inversion

Quotes

Penny: Sheldon, could I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: You ever gonna sleep with Amy?
Sheldon: That's awfully personal.
Leonard: We don't ask Sheldon things like that.
Penny: Maybe you don't, I do. What's the deal?
Sheldon: Well, word around the university is I'm giving her sex organs a proper jostling.
Penny: All right, come on. Be serious. Look, you guys have been going out a long time. She would clearly like to have a physical relationship with you, so what are you doing?
Leonard: All right, we're down the rabbit hole. What are you doing?
Sheldon: Well, first of all, I'm quite fond of Amy.
Penny: So, what's the problem?
Sheldon: Penny, all my life, I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others-handshaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I'm working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would've been unthinkable.
Leonard: Now you know how I feel when I have to put it on you.
Penny: Okay, hang on. Are you saying someday you and Amy might... actually get physical?
Sheldon: (a long pause) It's a possibility.
Penny: (silently, grabbing Leonard's shoulder) Oh, my God!
(Out loud)
Penny: Sheldon, I know this wasn't easy for you, and I'm really glad we could have this conversation.
Sheldon: Hey.
(Penny starts to punch and slap Leonard in excitement)

Leonard: Oh, no!
(Star Wars' Darth Vader theme is playing)
Penny: What is that?
Leonard: That is Sheldon's "I'm unhappy and about to destroy the planet" music. Hey, let's just go to your place.
Penny: Well, wait, if he's unhappy shouldn't we talk to him?
Leonard: Shouldn't we talk to him? Have you learned nothing in six years?

Penny: Want me to make you some tea?
Sheldon: Tea is for when I'm upset; I'm not upset. The university is forcing me to work with Kripke. I'm outraged.
Leonard: So, cocoa?
Sheldon: Yes, cocoa!

Howard: What do you think, Sheldon? Want an action figure that looks just like you?
Sheldon: Would it come with kung-fu grip?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Don't waste my time.

Leonard: Sheldon Lee Cooper, I do not have time for this nonsense! Now go put your clothes on, get in the car and let's go to work!
Sheldon: All right, geez! What a grouch.
Leonard: How did I do that? I gotta remember how I did that.

Bernadette: Howie, we can't afford to waste money on junk like this.
Howard: What are you talking about? We make plenty of money.
Bernadette: *I* make plenty of money! You make peanuts!
Howard: Yes, but we're married now. That means when you get sick, I take care of you. And when you make a bunch of money, I get to buy stuff. Sorry if you don't like it, but that's how love works.
Bernadette: No, here's how love works. You're going to return the machine, or you can print out a working set of lady parts and sleep with those.
(seeing his look of contemplation)
Bernadette: Oh, my god! Are you actually thinking about it?

Raj: (Opening the package with his and Howard's action figures) Say hello to an exact scale model of me.
(Raj's figure looks like a black man)
Raj: Ohhh, I'm not dark chocolate! I'm melt-in-your-mouth caramel!
Howard: (Howard's action figure has a huge nose) Oh, man! Look at my nose!
Leonard: Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Yeah. Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

Sheldon: If Kripke asks, tell him my coitus with Amy is frequent, intense, and whimsically inventive.
Leonard: (to Penny) Is my coitus whimsically inventive?
Penny: That is what I write on the bathroom walls. For a whimsically inventive time, call Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: I know you're joking, but I'd be okay with that.

Sheldon: Don't look at my board!
(Flips board over; the other side has a drawing of a train)
Kripke: What's that?
Sheldon: That's a drawing of a really cool train. You don't look at that either!

Sheldon: How do I know you're not going to take my ideas and publish them as your own?
Kripke: How do I know you're not going to do that with mine?
Sheldon: Because I'm not interested in getting published in Mad Magazine.

Sheldon: (to Penny) Do you have any idea what it's like to be paired with someone who is so incredibly annoying?
Leonard: (raises hand) Oh, teacher, me! Me!

Raj: Now I can look like Val Kilmer as Batman, instead of Val Kilmer as he looks today.

Kripke: I have some bad news. You're working on a grant proposal for a new fusion weactor. I'm working on a gwant pwoposal for a new fusion weactor. The university is only awowed to submit one proposal.
Sheldon: So they asked you to pack up your things and ship out; that's hard cheese, Barry. You were one of the good ones.
Kripke: No, they're making us work together.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous! I have one of the great minds or our generation. I work on a level so rarefied you couldn't even imagine it. I said stop looking at my cool train!

Sheldon: I read his research, and... it's leaps and bounds ahead of mine. Which means the mommy of the smartest physicist at the university is not my mommy as I had thought. It's his mommy!
(starts crying)
Amy: Sheldon, I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. May I offer you a consoling hug?
Sheldon: What do we have to lose?
(Amy hugs him tightly)
Amy: How's that?
Sheldon: I feel like I'm being strangled by a boa constrictor.
(Amy lets go)
Sheldon: Why'd you stop?
(Amy hugs him again)

Kripke: Don't pway dumb with me. We both know what your probwem is
Sheldon: We do?
Kripke: You have a girlfwiend.
Sheldon: So?
Kripke: So my work would suffer too if I was getting waid all the time.

Howard: Can you please make that out to Bernadette? I was taken off the joint account until I learn the value of money.

Leonard: (Howard and Raj are disappointed about how their action figures turned out) Hmm, and my girlfriend wouldn't let me get one. Look at my face. Do I look smug? I feel smug.

Leonard: Sheldon, your food's getting cold.
Sheldon: I'll eat later. Right now I'm suckling at the informative bosom of Mother Physics.
Penny: Hot when Sheldon talks dirty.

Howard: Oh, good. You're home. Got a little surprise for you.
Bernadette: What?
Howard: (showing her an action figure of himself) Say hello to my little friend.
Bernadette: Oh, my god. That's so cute. I didn't think there could be a smaller version of you.
Howard: I know, right? And thanks to photographs and a little 3D modeling...
(he shows her a figurine of herself)
Howard: ...here comes the bride.
Bernadette: Oh, Howie, I love these.
Howard: I thought you might.
Bernadette: Were they expensive?
Howard: Didn't cost a thing. I made them myself.
Bernadette: How?
Howard: Koothrappali and I bought a used 3D printer for $5,000.
Bernadette: $5,000 for a couple of dolls? Are you out of your mind?

Kripke: Yeah, yeah. Was she naked or was she wearing wangeway?
Sheldon: I didn't notice.
Kripke: How could you not notice?
Sheldon: I was too busy squishing all the desirable parts of her body.
Kripke: Ahh, you're killing me, Cooper!
Sheldon: Can we get back to work?
Kripke: Sure, sure.
(pause)
Kripke: You guys ever use any toys?
Sheldon: Toys? I live with a model rocket next to my bed.
Kripke: A wocket? You're a fweak! I wuv it.

Penny: I hate it when you make me sit through all the credits.
Leonard: Well, sometimes there's a secret ending, like in The Avengers.
Penny: Leonard, I don't think that's going to happen in a documentary about the Holocaust.
Leonard: They could show bloopers.

Amy: The monkey in my tobacco study has taken to smoking a pipe. I'm supposed to remove his brain to examine, but it's hard because now he reminds me of my uncle.

Howard: Bernadette has a great job. My wife came with both funbags and moneybags.

Notes and Trivia

Sheldon listens to the Imperial March from the Star Wars saga and wears an afghan reminiscent of the Emperor's cloak.

The "scale replicas" received by Howard and Raj actually have each other's haircuts.

Goofs

None

Cast

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