S06E15 - The Spoiler Alert Segmentation

No: 126  |  Season: 6   Episode: 15  |  Air Date: 2013-02-07  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: Leonard, please. You know Amy moving in marks a level of intimacy our relationship isn't ready for. Penny: Yes. That is a real thing.

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Summary

Leonard moves in with Penny after a fight with Sheldon, which causes Amy to want to move in with Sheldon. Meanwhile, Raj has a frightening experience with Howard's mother.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Eric Kaplan & Steve Holland / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Maria Ferrari & Adam Faberman

Script

Script: S06E15 - The Spoiler Alert Segmentation

Quotes

Penny: As much as I want to live with you, I can't do it knowing how much Sheldon needs you.
Leonard: Please. The only thing he needs me for is to be his whipping boy, his... his stooge, his doormat.
Penny: Well, you know what they say, if it ain't broke...

Howard: (On FaceTime) Hey. How'd it go last night with my mom?
Raj: Okay, I guess.
Howard: What time did you leave?
Raj: Actually, I'm still here.
Howard: What? You spent the night?
Raj: Yeah. After dinner, we watched a rerun of Rockford Files and then she opened a bottle of cream sherry and the next thing I know she was tucking me into your bed.
Howard: You wore my pajamas?
Raj: Mm-hm. How do you sleep in these things? Silk pajamas on satin sheets? I slid out of the bed like three times.

Leonard: I swear, that man is the most egotistical, insufferable human being I have ever met.
Penny: Yeah, but you two make such a cute couple. Like Bert and Ernie. You guys even teach me stuff about *words* and *numbers*.

Mrs. Wolowitz:

Mrs. Wolowitz: I ran you a bath!
Raj: Oh, my God! She's not going to bathe me, is she?
Howard: Gee, I wish I could tell you no.

Raj: Has Bernadette found a cure for something?
Howard: In a way. She was working on a dandruff shampoo that has the unfortunate side effect of horrible anal leakage.
Raj: That's too bad. But then, is there any good anal leakage?
Howard: On the upside, they decided to market it as a constipation remedy.
Raj: Way to make lemonade. You know, around the corner where fudge is made.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Are you ready for dessert?
Raj: No thank you, Mrs. Wolowitz. As it is, I'm going to have to carry my stomach out of here like I'm a fireman rescuing an infant.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, please. You're a tall glass of brown water.

Sheldon: (knock-knock-knock) Good buddy Leonard.
(knock-knock-knock)
Sheldon: Good buddy Leonard.
(knock-knock-knock)
Sheldon: Good buddy Leonard.

Leonard: I don't know why I avoided the Harry Potter books for so long; these are great. Just started number six.
Sheldon: That's a good one. Dumbledore dies in that one.
(Leonard stares at him, dumbfounded)
Sheldon: Yeah, I know; I didn't see it coming either.
Leonard: Why would you say that?
Sheldon: You brought up the subject; I contributed an interesting fact on that subject. It's called the art of conversation. 'Kay, your turn.
Leonard: That was a huge spoiler.
(throws the book aside)
Sheldon: Good.
Leonard: What is wrong with you? If I did that you'd bitch about it for weeks.
Sheldon: Really, Leonard, are you going to have another one of your hissy fits?
Leonard: Hissy fit? *I* have hissy fits?
Sheldon: Yes, and I have a theory why. Because of your lactose intolerance, you switched over to soy milk. Soy contains estrogen-mimicking compounds. I think your morning Cocoa Puffs are turning you into a hysterical woman.
Leonard: You are unbelievable! I don't know why I put up with you. You know, you're controlling, you're irritating...
Sheldon: There you go again! Nag, nag, nag! You're only proving my point, little lady.
Leonard: You know what? Screw you, Sheldon! You are the most annoying person I ever met.
Sheldon: Wha- I'm annoying? You criticize my behavior all the time. "Sheldon, don't talk about your bowel movements over breakfast." "Sheldon, when the president of the university is giving a eulogy at a funeral, don't yawn and point at your watch." "Sheldon, don't throw away my shirts cause you think they're ugly." You're impossible.
Leonard: That's it. I don't. I don't have to put up with this.
Sheldon: Actually, I have your signature on a roommate agreement that says you do.
Leonard: Aaaw, here's what I think of your roommate agreement!
(he throws it in the waste-paper basket)
Sheldon: (Sheldon gasps) You pick that up right now.
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: You- Roommate agreement, section twenty-seven, paragraph five: "The roommate agreement, like the American flag, cannot touch the ground."
Leonard: I don't care. I don't have to do anything you say because... I don't think I want to live here any more.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Leonard: To live with Penny, and not you, you crazy bastard.

Raj: You were right. I can't get out of here!
Howard: You're still at my mother's?
Raj: I'm trapped! My clothes have been in the laundry all day and she hid my keys. I think they might be in her bra because she jingles when she walks.

Leonard: I swear, that man is the most egotistical, insufferable human being I have ever met.
Penny: Yeah, but you two make such a cute couple. Like Burt and Ernie. You guys even teach me stuff about words and numbers.
Leonard: Well, I've had it. I am done. I can't, I can't live with him for one more minute.
Penny: Wow. Where are you going to go?
Leonard: I was thinking here with you.
Penny: (Looks shocked) Oh.
Leonard: That a problem?
Penny: No, not at all. No, it's, it's great. It's terrific. I, you know, I just can't help feel bad about Sheldon. I mean, how's he going to get by without you? Ernie.

Howard: Here's some more ice.
Bernadette: Oh, thanks.
Howard: What were we thinking? We should have just done it the regular way.
Bernadette: Those Chinese acrobats in Cirque du Soleil made it look so easy.
Howard: Honestly, if I could bend that far, what would I need with you?
Bernadette: If you could bend that far, you'd be doing us both a favor.

Leonard: Since when don't you want to live with me?
Penny: Oh, don't get all huffy. You're the one who decided to move in without even asking me if I was ready.
Leonard: Let's talk about that.

Sheldon: Hello, homewrecker.
Penny: What did I do?
Sheldon: You gave Leonard somewhere to go. Thanks to you, Amy's out buying "his" and "hers" bath towels. Like I'd ever dry myself with something that has a possessive pronoun on it.

Howard: My mom's been kind of an emotional wreck since that dentist she was dating dumped her.
Raj: Dumped her? What did he use, a forklift?

Leonard: Sorry, you're too late. And spoiler alert, I'm about to slam this door on your face.

Amy: So, what's your plan moving forward?
Sheldon: I suppose I'll have to find and cultivate a new roommate. What a task that will be. Do you know how uncivilized Leonard was when I took him in?
Amy: No.
Sheldon: It took me forever to get him on a bathroom schedule. He would go whenever the mood struck him.
Amy: Like a dog boy.
Sheldon: Exactly.
Amy: What if you could find a roommate who was a scientist and already familiar and comfortable with your ways?
Sheldon: That would be ideal. If a person like that existed I would sign on no further questions asked.
Amy: Great! Here I am!
Sheldon: Wait. Here who is where?
Amy: Me. Aren't I your perfect roommate?
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: Think about it, Sheldon. I'm not a stranger. We're intellectually compatible. I'm willing to chauffeur you around town. And your personality quirks which others find abhorrent or rave inducing I find cute as a button. What do you think?
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: Tell me one reason that this isn't a fantastic idea.
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: See, you can't. I'm going to see if Leonard's room is big enough for my water bed.
Sheldon: Um.

Amy: You're a coward!
Sheldon: Well, the evidence does seem to support that.

Howard: Seriously, if you don't leave now you'll never get out.
Raj: I can leave anytime I want to.
Howard: Oh, yeah? Where are your clothes and shoes right now?
Raj: They're in that chair right over...
(looks at chair; the clothes are not there)
Raj: Oy, vey!

Sheldon: You can't live here.
Amy: What? Why? Is it the message? I only used urban slang to sound tough so people wouldn't break in.
Sheldon: It's not the message.
Amy: What is it then? I did everything just the way you like it.
Sheldon: You did.
Amy: THEN WHAT THE HELL SHELDON? We have been going out for over two years and I have been nothing but patient with you. I watch your dopey space movies. I signed your ridiculous contract. I even stopped wearing lip gloss because you said it made my mouth look too slippery. I am the best girlfriend you're ever going to have. Just give me one good reason why I can't live here.
Sheldon: It's Penny's fault.
Amy: What?
Sheldon: She doesn't want to live with Leonard so he has to live here again. She's the snake in our garden. She's the reason we can't be happy.

Leonard: He's got Amy now.
Penny: Yeah, he does, but... it's not the same.
Leonard: Why?
Penny: Um... well, um... all right, you... you remember in "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" Ron didn't abandon Harry just because Harry started dating Ron's sister?
Leonard: (exasperated by another spoiler) Harry and Ginny get together?
Penny: Sorry. Spoiler alert!

Notes and Trivia

As well as being one of the first times there is a glimpse of Howard's mother, it is also the first time she speaks normally without shouting from a distance, when she has just made a meal for Raj.

Penny admits she loves Leonard for the first time without doing it accidentally.

The episode of The Walking Dead (2010) Sheldon is talking about is Season 3's Killer Within (2012).

Goofs

None

Cast

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