S06E16 - The Tangible Affection Proof

No: 127  |  Season: 6   Episode: 16  |  Air Date: 2013-02-14  |  Runtime: mins

Leonard: I know it's not ideal, but don't let them ruin our night. Penny: No, you're totally right. She could be skinny 'cause she's dying. Leonard: That's the spirit.

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Summary

Sheldon gets Alex to buy a Valentine's Day gift for Amy. Leonard, Penny, Howard and Bernadette have a disastrous dinner together. Raj and Stuart host a "Lonely People" party at the comic book store.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Bill Prady & Steve Holland / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Jim Reynolds & Tara Hernandez

Script

Script: S06E16 - The Tangible Affection Proof

Quotes

Howard: I was trying to come up with something really romantic to give Bernadette for Valentine's Day, since she's been such a pain in the ass.
Leonard: Can't find a card that says that?
Howard: Check it out; I used the atomic force microscope in the materials science lab and wrote our initials in a heart one one-thousandth the size of a grain of sand.
Leonard: Oh-hoho, that's cool.
Howard: A micro-valentine for a microbiologist.
Leonard: From her micro-husband.

Leonard: (after Penny's ex-boyfriend proposes in the restaurant) Two can play this game.
(Gets down on one knee)
Leonard: Penny...
Penny: Get up!
Leonard: All right.

Howard: So where'd you hide it?
Bernadette: Where you'd never look.
Howard: Damn it, it's in the washing machine.

Raj: How 'bout, uh, you keep the store open late, and we throw a party for all the people who don't have dates?
Stuart: That actually sounds kinda nice.
Raj: Yeah, the theme will be that the greatest love a man can have is the love he has with himself.
Stuart: That's good, or maybe something a little less hand-in-pants.

Raj: Nice that the people who are lonely on Valentine's Day can come here tonight and be together.
Stuart: Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. In fact, there's no place I'd rather be than here.
Raj: Except on a date with anybody.
Stuart: Literally anybody.

Penny: It's just not fair, okay? They're bad people. It's not supposed to end happy for them, it's supposed to end happy for me.
Leonard: Um, it did end happy for you; you're here with me.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, I know.
Leonard: Now this is getting a little hard to not take personally.
Penny: Oh, come on, don't make this about you.
Leonard: Oh, I'm not; it's about you.
Penny: Yeah, well, whatever, okay? I told you Valentine's Day sucks.
Leonard: This one does, and you're the reason why.

Amy: (answers her phone) Hello?
Amy: Another medical emergency? What's wrong with him now?
Amy: I seriously doubt he was bitten by a Chinese bird spider.
Amy: How exactly does a bump feel Asian?
Amy: Just put him on the phone.
Amy: Sheldon, I am not driving over there again.
Amy: Because I drove over there yesterday for a brain tumor that turned out to be an ice cream headache.
Amy: Yes, I still want to be your emergency contact.
Amy: Yes, you can eat your ice cream too fast and also have a brain tumor.
Amy: I'm on my way.
(ends the call)
Amy: Brain tumor would explain a lot.

Raj: Hey, Stuart, you got anything going on for Valentine's Day?
Stuart: Not really, other than hiding all the sharp objects around here and white-knuckling it 'til morning.

Alex Jensen: Well, um, I know she loves playing the harp, so I found this
(pulls out harp-shaped music box)
Alex Jensen: beautiful music box that plays one of her favorite songs.
Sheldon: Now, Amy already has a real harp, and it can play any song. What are you trying to pull here?
Alex Jensen: Well, I just thought it would be...
Sheldon: (sounding like a game-show buzzer) Nexxxt!
Alex Jensen: OK, um, I know she's a fan of the Canterbury Tales,
Sheldon: Mmmm.
Alex Jensen: so I found this cool map that illustrates the characters' journey through England. I thought we could put it in a really nice frame.
Sheldon: But she's got Google Maps on her phone.
Alex Jensen: I don't know how to respond to that.
Sheldon: Well, I hope it's with a third good option, because these first two - Bleah...
Alex Jensen: OK. Well, uh, luckily, I saved the best for last. Since Amy's a neuroscientist, I did some research and found out that Santiago Ram?n y Cajal, the father of modern neuroscience, did lots of hand drawings of brain cells, and I managed to find this signed print.
Sheldon: Wow. Oh, this is truly remarkable.
Alex Jensen: Thank you.
Sheldon: I think I'll keep it for myself.
Alex Jensen: What about your girlfriend?
Sheldon: It's too late, I called dibs.

Penny: You'll never believe what happened to me at work today.
Leonard: Mph?
Penny: This old guy was choking on his food and I saved his life.
(she makes a choking sound)
Leonard: You're kidding; did you Heimlich him?
Penny: No, I said "Oh, my God, I think that old guy's choking!" and one of the busboys Heimliched him.
Leonard: You're a hero!
Penny: Yeah, that *was* the point of the story.

Sheldon: My socks are on, let's knock 'em off.

Leonard: D'you know what? That was pretty crappy of you. I mean, all I wanted to do was give you a great night and it's like you, you went out of your way to destroy it.
Penny: Yep. I know. I'm a total bitch.
Leonard: I'm not saying that.
Penny: Well, I am.
Leonard: Ah, fine, you win; you're a bitch. Why couldn't we just have a nice time?
Penny: I don't know. Maybe 'cause things are going so well between us lately and I've been really happy.
Leonard: OK. You're going to have to make a lot more sense than that.
Penny: Obviously, I have some commitment issues.
Leonard: Glaringly obvious. Go on.
Penny: As long as things keep going great between us, you'll keep asking me to marry you and eventually I'm going to end saying yes then we're going to be married forever and the whole think just freaks me out.
Leonard: O.K. I know I propose a lot... so, how about this? I promise I will never ask you to marry me again.
Penny: What? What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?
Leonard: No. No, no, no, no, no. But if someday you decide to you want to get married, you have to propose to me.
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Yes. It's all on you. But I got to tell you when the time comes I want the whole nine yards; I want you down on one knee, flowers, I want to be swept off my feet.
Penny: Yeah, you got it.
Leonard: And I'm cool with surprises, but nothing on the Jumbotron. I don't want to cry on a big screen like that.
Penny: O.K. You know what, this might be the wine talking, but I have a very important question to ask you.
Leonard: You do?
Penny: Leonard Hofstader.
Leonard: Yes?
Penny: Will you be my valentine?
Leonard: Sorry, maybe next year.
(Leaves for the door, then turns around)
Leonard: I'm just kidding. Romance ninja! Let's have sex! Whoo-yah!

Amy: And I appreciate your effort, but upon contemplation, I decided I was being selfish. So, I cancelled our dinner reservations and came up with an even better way to celebrate Valentine's Day.
Sheldon: What is that?
Amy: By doing none of it. No dinner, no romance, no gifts. We stay here, order a pizza and watch one of your beloved Star War Trek things.
Sheldon: Really?
Amy: Well, that's what you'd love, isn't it?
Sheldon: More than anything.
Amy: Well, then, that's what we're going to do.
Sheldon: Well, I don't know what to say. This is the most thoughtful gift that anyone's ever given me. And that's including an amazing gift that I gave myself earlier today.
Amy: 'm your girlfriend. That's my job. And I know gift-giving puts a lot of pressure on you, so whatever you got me, you can return.
Sheldon: No. No, after everything you didn't do for me tonight, I want you to have it.
Amy: What's this?
Sheldon: Read it.
Amy: Sheldon Cooper, Caltech University employee information?
Sheldon: At the bottom.
Amy: In case of emergency, please contact... Amy Farrah Fowler. And there's my phone number. This is the most beautiful gift you could've ever given me.
Sheldon: Well, I thought, if I have a stroke or a kidney stone, who would I want to share that with?
Amy: And you picked me.
Sheldon: It's like you said, you're my girlfriend.
Amy: Oh, Sheldon.
(Hugs him)
Sheldon: Yeah. Okay. Stop ruining Valentine's Day and order my pizza.

Howard: She hid my X-Box like I'm a child. Yeah, and my mum got me that for my birthday, so if you don't give it back I'm telling.

Sheldon: Well, in conclusion, I believe the painful sensation felt after passing a meal of spicy chilies is proof that the rectum does possess the sense of taste.
Amy: I concur, but you changed the subject. What are we doing for Valentine's Day?
Sheldon: Oh, you got that, didja?

Sheldon: Ah, Alex, excellent. I have a research problem that I believe you can help with.
Alex Jensen: Oh, Dr. Cooper, thank you. I've been waiting for an opportunity to contribute to your scientific work.
Sheldon: Oh, no, no. That's not going to happen, no. What I need you to do is find a Valentine's gift for my girlfriend.
Alex Jensen: You realize I passed up an opportunity to work at Fermilab to take this job with you.
Sheldon: Well, I guess those chaps'll have to have someone else buy their girlfriends' presents. Now, here is, let's see, this is... this is about two thousand dollars. Um, I think she likes monkeys and the color grey.
(Alex leaves)
Sheldon: Contribute to my work. Ah, kids say the darnedest things.

Penny: It's just there's so much pressure to make the night special, and it never works out.
Leonard: 'Kay, well this time it's going to be different, because I am like a romance ninja. Hm. You don't see it coming, and then Bam! Romance! Watch out! Hearts! Kisses! Love! Boo-yah!
Penny: You know, sometimes I think I've made you so much cooler than you used to be, and then you go and do that.

Raj: Excuse me, everybody! Can I have your attention please? We're all here tonight because we have no one to be with. But, this doesn't make us mutants. The only mutants here are in these comic books. We gotta to stop defining our self-worth by whether or not we're in a relationship. You know what I see when I look around? I see a room full of great people. So let's give ourselves a break! We are a community, and as long as we have each other, we're never truly alone.
(Crowd claps)
Lucy: That was cool, what you said.
Raj: You really think so?
Lucy: Yeah, I do.
Raj: Thank you. Would you like to, ah, get a cu, a cup of coffee?
Lucy: OK.
Raj: Later, losers!

Dale: Usually, I spend Valentine's Day sad and alone. This year, I'm just sad.

Notes and Trivia

Alex bought a map of The Canterbury Tales for Amy because it is one of her favorite books. Amy can be heard quoting from this book during the girl's night in The 21-Second Excitation (2010).

First appearance of Kate Micucci as Lucy. Kate is one half of the comedic band Garfunkel & Oates, the other being Riki Lindhome, who played Ramona Nowitzki in Season 2's The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem (2008). The duo would later write "Bernadette's Song" from The Romance Resonance (2013).

Leonard makes his second marriage proposal to Penny. She abruptly tells him to sit down before he can reveal her last name, assuming he was going to say it.

The girl who played Penny's ex-boyfriend's girlfriend was Kaley Cuoco's younger sister Briana Cuoco.

There is an outtake during the scene when Leonard and Penny are having their argument when they both break character. Prior Penny says that she doesn't have any problems which makes Johnny Galecki state "You don't have any problems, what's your last name?" To which Kaley Cuoco responds with "I don't know."

Goofs

None

Cast

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