S07E02 - The Deception Verification

No: 137  |  Season: 7   Episode: 2  |  Air Date: 2013-09-26  |  Runtime: mins

Bernadette: You still look great to me. In fact, why don't we go in the bedroom and I'll prove it to you? Howard: Sex? Really? I mean, that's just your solution to everything.

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Summary

Sheldon feels betrayed when Leonard returns from the North Sea and wants to spend his time with Penny instead of him. Howard's latest foray into helping his mother has some disastrous side effects.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Steve Holland & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S07E02 - The Deception Verification

Quotes

Amy: Sheldon. Your fight's with Leonard. Penny's got nothing to do...
Sheldon: Careful Amy. The friend of my enemy's girlfriend is my enemy.
Amy: Really?
Sheldon: Yes. You're either with me or against me.
Amy: You want to take the bus to work?
Sheldon: Maybe there's a third option.

Howard: What were they thinking, putting Dr. Octopus's mind into Spiderman's body?
Raj: Well, I've been quite enjoying that. It combines all the superhero fun of Spiderman with all the body-switching shenanigans of 'Freaky Friday'... both versions, original and Lohan.
Howard: (mimicking Raj) "Both versions, original and Lohan." You're an idiot.

Leonard: So, am I driving you to work or are you still mad at me?
Sheldon: I'd like a ride. Assuming you actually do take me to work.
Leonard: Where do you think I would take you?
Sheldon: Who knows? You said you'd be home yesterday, but came home three days ago. You say you're taking me to work, but for all I know I'll end up in a deserted amusement park, or a cornfield maze or a back alley dog fight. You tell me.
Sheldon: I'm going to work. You can come if you want.
Sheldon: OK. By the way you have something on your shirt.
Leonard: No, I don't.
Sheldon: Hurts, doesn't it? You know, I find myself wondering if anything you every told me is true.
Leonard: I didn't make it back. The ship sank. I'm in hell.
Sheldon: You say you're from New Jersey, but how can I believe you.
Leonard: Why would anybody claim to be from New Jersey, if they weren't?
Sheldon: All right, I'll give you that one.

Sheldon: I'm quite familiar with plumbing. Not to brag, but I spent most of fifth grade with my head in a toilet.

Penny: I don't know what succubus is, but it has "suck" in it, so that can't be good.

Sheldon: And here's another interesting weather fact.
Penny: Another? Great!
Sheldon: Changes in jet-streams can affect the speed at which the earth rotates on its axis, so bad weather can actually make the day longer.
Penny: Well, there must be a hell of a storm somewhere!
Sheldon: Joke if you must, but you're going to miss these moments. With Leonard home in a few days, this was your last time driving me to the grocery store.
Penny: You know, I will miss this.
Sheldon: I'll tell you what. If my apples are mealy, we'll hit the produce section for one last crazy blowout. You can even push the cart. Please don't take my looking forward to Leonard's return as criticism of the job you've been doing in his absence.
Penny: I won't.
Sheldon: That criticism will come later in your report card.
Penny: Yeah! I didn't stay for the detention; I'm not going to read the report card.

Amy: Do you hear anything?
Sheldon: I hear a woman's voice.
Amy: Is it Penny?
Sheldon: No, it's you.

Bernadette: This is very potent estrogen cream. Have you been wearing gloves when applying this?
Howard: Like gloves would fit these fat sausages.
Bernadette: Your skin has been absorbing estrogen. That's why you've been all bloated and moody and a giant pain in the ass.
Howard: But you're full of estrogen and you don't act like that.
Bernadette: That's because I'm a woman. I've had years of practice riding the dragon.

Sheldon: I let you buy feminine hygiene products with my supermarket club card. Do you have any idea the kind of coupons I'm going to get in the mail now?

Sheldon: Hello, Raj. Howard. Judas.
Leonard: You know what? You're a crazy person.
Sheldon: A crazy person with a long memory and, if all goes according to plan, my own robot army. Or a mutant army. We'll see how my genetics research goes.

Sheldon: Stuart, I was wondering if you could help me find something.
Stuart: Happy to. Unless its hope or reason to live.
Sheldon: Oh, you make me laugh, sad clown.

Sheldon: That's curious. If there's no one here, why are there two glasses of wine on the table?
Penny: Oh! Well, you know, I've got two hands and a bit of drinking problem.
Sheldon: Of course. Ask a silly question. That's odd.
Penny: What?
Penny: There are take-out containers in the trash can.
Penny: So? That's my dinner from last night.
Sheldon: What's odd is they're in the trash can.

Sheldon: Hey, Amy.
Penny: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You don't get a hey. You get a hmm.

Howard: I've been putting on a lot of weight lately. I had to buy these pants in the men's section.
Raj: Well, we've all seen your mother. That Butterball turkey was bound to come home to roost eventually.

Sheldon: (thinking Leonard is doing the opposite of what he said) . I suppose you are giving me the other four fingers.

Sheldon: And then Leonard took me to the barber and the dentist. and then to cap off the perfect day the Las Angeles Bureau of Weights and Measures.
Leonard: I thought the Measures were going to be the stars of the show; turns out it was the Weights.
Penny: I'm so glad you guys are friends again.
Sheldon: Eh, I'm glad you and I are friends again too.
Penny: Aw.
Sheldon: Which reminds me, this came in the mail, and I want you to have it.
(he hands her a coupon)
Penny: (reads) "Fifty cents off Vagisil."
Sheldon: Think of me when you apply it.
Raj: Can I just say: I've missed all of us hanging out together.
Sheldon, Bernadette, Howard, Amy: Yeah.
Penny: Me too
Leonard: Um, since when can Koothrappali talk in front of the girls without a beer?
Bernadette: Oh, that happened right after you left.
Leonard: And no-one told me?
Howard: (starting to weep) Can't believe we forgot to tell him.
Penny: Ahem!
(hands Howard the coupon)
Penny: Think of Sheldon when you apply it.

Notes and Trivia

Leonard brings Sheldon a sailor hat, fulfilling a promise mentioned by Sheldon in the previous episode, The Hofstadter Insufficiency (2013).

There is a Bernadette doll in the bookcase behind her in the apartment wearing the same outfit she is wearing in the scene.

Title Reference: The title refers to Sheldon finding out that Leonard has been deceiving him by hiding out at Penny's and not tell him that he was home.

Goofs

None

Cast

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