S10E10 - The Property Division Collision

No: 217  |  Season: 10   Episode: 10  |  Air Date: 2016-12-01  |  Runtime: mins

Leonard: Can I help you? Theodore: I don't think so, but you're sweet for asking.

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Summary

Dividing up their possessions becomes an all-out war between Leonard and Sheldon. Stuart asks to live with Howard and Bernadette and tries to supplant Raj's efforts to help with the new baby.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Steve Holland & Bill Prady & Steve Goetsch / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Maria Ferrari & Tara Hernandez

Script

Script: S10E10 - The Property Division Collision

Quotes

Amy: If we're going to be staying in this apartment, would you be interested in doing a little redecorating?
Sheldon: Oh, actually... I would.
Amy: Great! Wh-what did you have in mind?
Sheldon: Let's take every single thing from the other apartment and put it in here.
Amy: Well, how 'bout we start a little smaller, like... moving the furniture around.
Sheldon: Y'know, I have always felt that this couch would look *fantastic* on the curb in front of the building.
Amy: Look, we can't just throw away Penny's stuff, but we can ask if she wants any of it back.
Sheldon: Know, I wonder how she feels about all this artwork.
Amy: Well, I'm sure she misses this one. I mean it's the greatest gift I've ever given anybody.
(they look at the large painting of Amy and Penny)
Sheldon: It truly does capture the beauty of your friendship with Penny.
Amy: It may have appreciated in value. The artist killed himself shortly after painting that.
Sheldon: Yeah, it seems only right that she have it back.
Amy: Can't wait to see the look on her face when I give it to her again.
(Penny looks horrified as they bring the painting to the other apartment)
Sheldon: Look, it's the same smile she has in the painting!

Leonard: What do you think you're doing?
Sheldon: Since my room is paid up until the end of the month, I can do with it whatever I please, which includes renting it out for a dollar a night.
Theodore: It' s like the forties again.
Sheldon: Anyway, I'll let you be. Oh, he's expecting a newspaper in the morning. Apparently, they're still making them.
Penny: Sheldon, this is way over the line.
Sheldon: It's true, but had I done something under the line, there wouldn't be a man in your kitchen who can't produce a single form of ID.
Theodore: Oh, I have a receipt from the blood bank. I'm O-negative.
Sheldon: And now you know as much about him as I do.

Raj: (to Stuart) At least my nose is naturally brown.

Bernadette: Stuart, you cooked?
Howard: How did you know it wasn't me?
Bernadette: There's only three people in this house, and you'd still be my fifth guess.

Bernadette: Howard!
Howard: Guys, you heard her; go see what she wants.
Bernadette: (she enters) I think I'm in labour.
Howard: Wh- wh- OK, OK. I-I-I I can do this. We have a plan. Somebody please tell me the plan!
Stuart: I'll get the hospital bag,
Raj: I'll pull the van out.
Stuart: Meet outside in two minutes.
Raj: Team Baby, go!
(they chest bump and run out)
Howard: I love you.
Bernadette: I love you too.
(they kiss and Stuart runs back in)
Stuart: Are we hugging or having a baby? Let's go!

Raj: So, I was reading how it's a good idea for new parents to take an infant CPR class.
Bernadette: Yeah, we've been meaning to do that.
Stuart: Oh, I know a CPR instructor who'll come to the house.
Howard: That'd be great.
Stuart: I'll give him a call. We met when I was sleeping on the beach and he thought I was dead.

Leonard: You're good at revenge. How do we get him back?
Penny: Well, my go-to move is usually to sleep with the person's boyfriend, but I feel like I'm already doing that.

Howard: We have a butler. If I had a Batsuit, I'd be Bruce Wayne.
Bernadette: You do have a Batsuit.
Howard: It's just pajamas. There's no cape.

Sheldon: (Finds Leonard wearing the apartment flag while doing the laundry) What do you think you're doing?
Leonard: Separating my delicates.
Sheldon: This is the level you're stooping to?
Leonard: (Takes off underwear) No, this is the level I am stooping to. I believe that is flag to crotch four. Checkmate! Easy-peasy, ooh, so breezy!

Leonard: Can I help you?
Theodore: I don't think so, but you're sweet for asking.
Penny: What are you doing in our apartment?
Theodore: I'm renting a room from your neighbor. Tall guy, dressed like a little boy.

Penny: (as Leonard adjusts the painting of Penny and Amy) Little lower to the left. Little more.
Leonard: Good?
Penny: No, still hideous.
Leonard: I'm sure at some point, we won't even notice it's there.
Penny: Yeah, you'd think that, but after a while it starts showing up in your dreams.
Theodore: I think it brings the room together.

Raj: Stuart, what are you doing here?
Stuart: Oh, I live here now.
Raj: Do Howard and Bernadette know, or is this like a "possum in the walls" kind of thing?

Leonard: Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.
Sheldon: Well, powder me in sugar and call me a doughnut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Sheldon, I'm warning you, I can play this game, too.
Sheldon: If it's like your 3-D chess game, then you're out of your length, width and depth. Amy, get the Neosporin, someone just got burned!
Leonard: All right, I tried.
Sheldon: "All right, I tried." That should be the title of your autobiography. Ooh, a second degree burn.
(Closes door on Leonard; Amy enters)
Amy: I've got the Neosporin. Who got hurt?
Sheldon: It's a good thing you're cute.

Sheldon: Come, Amy. I know when I'm not wanted.
Amy: I don't think you do, but all right.

Penny: I think I'm gonna go for a run. You want to come?
Leonard: No, last time that old lady in the park kept screaming, "Watch out, he's right behind you."

Bernadette: I guess you could stay for a few days, and we'll see how it goes.
Stuart: Thank you. And it's only temporary; just 'til I get back on my feet. Or the baby goes off to college - whichever happens first.

Sheldon: Leonard, I would like us to stop fighting about our possessions.
Leonard: I'd like that too.
Sheldon: In fact, I want you to keep the apartment flag. And I'm not just saying that because it touched your genitals.
Leonard: Promise?
Sheldon: I do. And to show you that there are no hard feelings, I am willing to rub my genitals on it as well.
Theodore: Well, if we're rubbing genitals on things, that's where I shine.

Amy: Sheldon, you're, you're being a little selfish. Why don't you let Leonard keep a few things?
Sheldon: It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.

Notes and Trivia

Amy's portrait of her and Penny was first seen in The Rothman Disintegration (2012).

Bernadette heads to the hospital to have her baby.

The salt & pepper shakers in Howard and Bernadette's house are the same as the ones found in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment.

Title Reference: The title refers to Leonard and Sheldon's dispute over dividing their property.

Goofs

None

Cast

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