S01E14 - The Nerdvana Annihilation

No: 14  |  Season: 1   Episode: 14  |  Air Date: 2008-04-28  |  Runtime: mins

Okay, I am setting the dials for January 10th, 2328. Here we go into the future.

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Summary

Penny gets mad at the guys when their full scale model of a time machine causes her to miss work, which prompts Leonard to give up all of his nerd memorabilia.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Bill Prady / Teleplay by: Stephen Engel & Steven Molaro

Script

Script: S01E14 - The Nerdvana Annihilation

Quotes

(upset by Penny's comments, Leonard sits in the time machine)
Sheldon: Leonard, it's two in the morning.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So, it's my turn.

Leonard: (Sheldon, Raj, and Howard are arguing over who can give Leonard the best price for his collection) Forget it. Guys, if I sell to one of you, the other two are gonna be really mad at me.
Sheldon: Who cares, as long as you pick me?
Raj: Okay, Leonard, put down the box. Let's talk.
Leonard: Sorry, Raj, my mind is made up.
Sheldon: (blocking the stairwell) No. I can't let you do this.
Leonard: Sheldon, get out of my way.
Sheldon: (taking a plastic sword from Leonard's box) None shall pass.
Leonard: Okay. I did not want to do this, but I have here the rare, mint-condition production error "Star Trek: The Next Generation" Geordi La Forge without his VISOR, in the original packaging. If you do not get out my way... I will open it.
Howard: (nervously) Okay, man, be cool. We're all friends here.

Raj: (the time machine prop Leonard bought is life-size) Did the listing actually say "miniature"?
Leonard: I just assumed. Well, who sells a full-sized time machine for $800?
Sheldon: In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual located within the intersection of the sets "No longer want my time machine" and "Need $800".
Howard: It's actually a tremendous bargain. Even with shipping, it works out to less than $4 a pound.
Raj: Cocktail shrimp are $12.50.
Leonard: How are we gonna get it upstairs?
Howard: If we take the dish off, it might fit in the elevator.
Leonard: Yes, but the elevator's been broken for two years.
Sheldon: I've been meaning to ask you: do you think we should make a call about that?
Howard: Not necessary. I have a master's in engineering. I remotely repair satellites on a regular basis. I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads.
(Howard walks over to the elevator)
Howard: When the Mars Rover started pulling to the left, I performed a front-end alignment from 62 million miles away.
(Howard presses the elevator call button, then puts his ear to the elevator doors)
Howard: (walking back to the group) No, that baby's broken.

Penny: What are you doing?
Leonard: Just, you know, moving something upstairs.
Penny: What is it?
Leonard: Just, you know... time machine.
Penny: Yeah, okay, neat, but I really gotta get to work, so...
Leonard: Uh, just give us a few minutes.
Penny: I don't have a few minutes. I'm running really late.
Sheldon: Well, then I have a simple solution. Go up to the roof, hop over to the next building - there's a small gap, don't look down if you're subject to vertigo - and use their stairwell.
Penny: You're joking, right?
Sheldon: Oh, I never joke when it comes to vertigo.

Leonard: Anyone wanna buy my share of the time machine?
Raj: Why?
Leonard: 'Cause I don't want it anymore.
Howard: Why?
Leonard: Just personal reasons.
Sheldon: My Spidey sense tells me this has something to do with Penny.
Leonard: Look, do you wanna buy me out or not?
Raj: I'll give $100, which will make me half owner, and we'll put it on my balcony.
Howard: Screw his balcony. I'll give you $120 and we'll put it in my garage.
Leonard: I paid $200 for my share.
Raj: Dude, everybody knows a time machine loses half its value the minute you drive it off the lot.

Leonard: Yes, I'm upset.
Sheldon: Oh, I don't usually pick up on those things. Good for me.
(turns and walks back to his room)
Leonard: Yeah, good for you.
Sheldon: Oh wait, did you want to talk about what's bothering you?
Leonard: I don't know, maybe.
Sheldon: Wow! I'm on fire tonight.

Sheldon: (looking at the time machine prop in the apartment) I don't know what you were worried about. I think it really works in the room.
Leonard: Yeah. It is by far the coolest thing I have ever owned.
Sheldon: The exact time machine that carried actor Rod Taylor from Victorian England into the post-apocalyptic future, where society had splintered into two factions: the subterranean Morlocks, who survived by feasting on the flesh of the gentle surface-dwelling Eloi.
Howard: Talk about your chick magnets.
Raj: Oh, yeah. The guy who lives next to me is always like "I have a jacuzzi on my balcony. I have a jacuzzi on my balcony." But wait until I tell him I've got a time machine on my balcony. Stuff that in your Speedos, Jacuzzi Bob.
Sheldon: Gentlemen, I know we said we'd take turns but I think you'll agree that practicality dictates it remain here.
Howard: You can't just keep it here! What if I meet a girl and say "You wanna come up and see my time machine? It's at my friend's house." How lame is that?
Raj: He's got a point.
Sheldon: All right. I think we're going to need some ground rules. In addition to the expected "no shoes in the time machine" and "no eating in the time machine", I propose that we add "Pants must be worn at all times in the time machine."
Leonard: Seconded.
Howard: (sheepishly) I was gonna put down a towel.

Leonard: Girls like Penny never end up with guys who own time machines.
Sheldon: I disagree. But your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine. That failure clearly stands on it's own.

Penny: Oh, please. It's not a time machine. If anything, it looks like something Elton John would drive through the Everglades.

Raj: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Raj: If my fingers ever work again, I've got a job for the middle one!

Sheldon: (Leonard has won a bid on a miniature time machine prop from the movie "The Time Machine") I wonder why no one else bid. This is a classic piece of sci-fi movie memorabilia.
Leonard: I know. But, I still can't afford it.
Howard: Why don't we share it? We'll each put in two hundred bucks and we'll take turns having it in our house.
Raj: A time share time machine. I'm in. Sheldon?
Sheldon: Wha-? Need you ask? I still don't understand why no one else bid.
Sheldon: (cut to the lobby of Leonard and Sheldon's apartment building; the prop is life-size) I understand why no one else bid.

Raj: (Leonard is planning to sell his comic book memorabilia) I call dibs on the "Golden Age Flash".
Howard: Hang on, I need that to complete my Justice Society of America collection.
Raj: Too bad, I called dibs.
Howard: You can't just call dibs.
Raj: I can and I did. Look up dibs on Wikipedia.

Penny: (hearing the commotion in the hallway) If this is about yesterday, Leonard, I am really sorry about what I said. I was just upset.
Leonard: No, I needed to hear it.
Penny: No, you didn't. Look, you are a great guy. And it is the things you love that make you who you are.
Howard: (sotto to Raj) I guess that makes me large breasts.

Leonard: Okay, I am setting the dials for March 10, 1876.
Howard: Good choice. Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone and calls out for Dr. Watson.
Sheldon: Wait a minute. I want to see that too.
Leonard: So, when it;s your turn, you can.
Sheldon: But if we all go back to the same point in time, Bell's lab's going to get very crowded. He'll know something's up.

Leonard: (trying to get the time machine prop upstairs) Come on, guys, push!
Howard: If I push any harder, I'm gonna give birth to my colon.

Penny: Okay, I'll just take the roof.
Leonard: Hey, if you wait for us to set up the time machine, I can drop you off at work, yesterday.
(Penny is not amused)
Leonard: Time travel jokes, never mind.
Sheldon: For what it's worth, I thought it was humorous.
(giggles)

Sheldon: (to Penny) You hypocrite! Miss "grown-ups don't play with toys!" If I went into your apartment right now, would I not find Beanie Babies? Are you not an accumulator of Care Bears and My Little Ponies? And just who is that Japanese feline frolicking on your shorts? Hello, Hello Kitty!

Sheldon: Well, this sandwich is an unmitigated disaster. I asked for turkey and roast beef with lettuce and Swiss cheese on whole wheat.
Raj: What did they give you?
Sheldon: Turkey and roast beef with Swiss cheese and lettuce on whole wheat.
(Raj and Wolowitz just look at Sheldon, dumbfounded)
Sheldon: It's the right ingredients, but in the wrong order. In a proper sandwich, the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce. They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.
Leonard: (at his computer, not paying attention) I don't believe it.
Sheldon: I know. It's basic culinary science.

Sheldon: Why did you set it for the day before yesterday?
Leonard: Because I want to go back and keep myself from getting a time machine.
Sheldon: You can't. If you were to prevent yourself from buying it in the past, you would not have it available in the present to travel back and stop yourself from buying it. Ergo, you would still have it. This is a classic rookie time travel mistake.
Leonard: Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me?
Sheldon: Same paradox. If you were to travel back in time and say, knock me unconscious, you would not then have the conversation that irritated you, motivating you to go back and knock me unconscious.
Leonard: What if I knock you unconscious right now?
Sheldon: It won't change the past.
Leonard: But it'd make the present so much nicer.

Raj: I still want it on my balcony. I say we move it on a bimonthly basis.
Leonard: Yeah, that sounds fair.
Sheldon: Hold on. "Bimonthly" is an ambiguous term. Do you mean every other month or twice a month?
Raj: Twice a month.
Sheldon: Then no.
Raj: Okay, every other month.
Sheldon: No.

Notes and Trivia

During Sheldon's dream, the time machine's display reads "802,701". This is the same year in which Rod Taylor stops in the 1960 movie The Time Machine (1960).

Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco have since admitted that the scene when Leonard has the dream where he saves Penny by taking her down the elevator shaft was the start of their relationship. They had crushed on each other before, but afterwards realized they needed to go for it.

Raj (Kunal Nayyar) said he will match the offer for Leonard (Johnny Galecki)'s collectibles plus a 1000 Rupees and Sheldon (Jim Parsons) asked "What's the exchange rate?". Raj replied "None of your business". 1000 Indian Rupees is approximately 22 USD.

Sheldon mentions that Captain Kirk stole a cloaking device from the Romulans on Stardate 5027.3. He's referring to the the events of The Enterprise Incident (1968).

The date on the time machine during Sheldon's (first) dream is April 28, the same date that this episode first aired.

The Time Machine in this episode is a replica not the original from The Time Machine (1960). The original is owned by film collector Bob Burns who declined the use of it for the show.

Goofs

None

Cast

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