S05E09 - The Ornithophobia Diffusion

No: 96  |  Season: 5   Episode: 9  |  Air Date: 2011-11-10  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: Hummingbirds are the vampires of the flower world. Raj: Still my first choice for an ankle tattoo. Or a dolphin, I go back and forth.

Previous Next

Summary

Sheldon tries to overcome his fear of birds, while Leonard and Penny attempt to hang out together strictly as friends.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Dave Goetsch & Anthony Del Broccolo / Teleplay by: Bill Prady & Steven Molaro & Eric Kaplan

Script

Script: S05E09 - The Ornithophobia Diffusion

Quotes

Bernadette: (picking up the bird) He's a sweetie.
Sheldon: Yes, it's very sweet. Now, slowly and carefully... flush him down the toilet.
Amy: Sheldon, the only way to get past this fear is to interact with it. Just like you did with the mailman.

Sheldon: Age seven, a blood-thirsty chicken chases me up a tree. Age 12, a magpie tries to steal the retainer out of my mouth. Age 16, a parrot in a pet store calls me fat ass. Need I go on?
Raj: Yes, please. This is way better than the movie.

Sheldon: Quick, what does a hawk sound like?
Leonard: Uh, I don't know... Scree! Scree!
Sheldon: Oh, please. That's a seagull.

Sheldon: This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue. I'd like to report a dangerous wild animal. A blue jay. I'm sorry, this is Animal Control, I don't understand the laughter. No, the bird is not in my home. If he was in my home, I obviously would have called 911.

Penny: We were going out, you were going to get sex anyway
Leonard: Really? You would've slept with me after a three hour documentary about dams?
Penny: No, no woman would

Amy: Guess you gotta have hollow bones to get some sugar around here.

Leonard: We're not ready to hang out as friends
Penny: I don't know, up until the last part I was really enjoying take charge Leonard, knew what you wanted, picking the movie even a little cocky
Leonard: Then maybe I'm putting sex back on the table
Penny: Maybe I like that
Leonard: If that's what you like, I can be that guy, I can be anything you want
Penny: Goodnight Leonard
Leonard: (to himself) I am such an asthmatic dumbass

Penny: (about Kevin) He's cute, look at him with his dorky glasses and hipster shirts
Leonard: I wear dorky shirts and glasses
Penny: Yeah but when you're tall and have good cheekbones, you're doing it ironically

Sheldon: (talking to a blue jay) If you were a dove, I'd call you Lovey Dovey. Oh, who am I kidding? This isn't a moment for strict adherence to the literal. You're just my Lovey Dovey, aren't you?
Amy: Guess you gotta have hollow bones to get some sugar around here.

Leonard: (To Penny) Tickets are eleven bucks, not a date

Howard: All right Sheldon, your bird death ray is ready.
Sheldon: It's not a death ray. It's just a little ultrasonic blast to scare him off. Trust me, if I had a death ray, I wouldn't be living here. I'd be in my lair enjoying the money the people of Earth gave me for not using my death ray.

Leonard: Do you think I'm overdressed?
Sheldon: Depends on the activity. For a prostate exam, yes. To play in Vegas, I'd add sequins.
Leonard: I'm going to the movies with Penny. I don't want her to think that I think it's a date.
Sheldon: Do you think it's a date?
Leonard: No. But she might think that I think it's a date even though I don't.
Sheldon: Or you might think she thinks you think it's a date even though she doesn't.
Leonard: Are you overthinking this?
Sheldon: Not at all.
Leonard: You're right. I'm fine. I'm wearing this.
Sheldon: Really? A blazer? All right.

Leonard: (after Sheldon freaking out about the bird) Sheldon, just ignore him.
Sheldon: Good idea! Attention is what birds want.

Penny: Really? On top of everything, you're scared of birds?
Sheldon: It's called Ornithophobia, one day it will be recognized as a true disability and the landlord will be required by law to throw a giant net over the building which is unfortunate because I have a fear of nets

Penny: So what are you and professor Fussy Face up to tonight?
Leonard: Star Wars on Blu-Ray.
Penny: Haven't you seen that movie like a thousand times?
Leonard: Not on Blu-Ray.
(pauses)
Leonard: Only twice on Blu-Ray.

Raj: C'mon Sheldon, Star Wars.
Howard: I'm pushing play. I mean it. If we don't start soon, George Lucas is going to change it again.

Sheldon: (as the bird flies out the window) Get back here, you stupid bird, so I can love you!

Sheldon: This is ridiculous. I'm a grown man from Texas. This isn't a terrifying bird like a swan or a goose. It's just a blue jay.

Penny: You like those movies
Leonard: No I hate those movies, I only saw them cause you wanted to and I wanted to have sex

Sheldon: (after touching the bird) I did it! I actually did it... Okay, now flush him.

Amy: Sheldon, what do you expect us to do?
Sheldon: You're biologists. Biology is the study of living things. That's a living thing. Get crackin'.
Bernadette: I specialize with microorganisms, and Amy studies brains.
Amy: Yeah, neither of us minored in bird shooing.

Penny: (to Leonard) I'm not innocent in all this but you basically called me stupid you asthmatic dumbass

Leonard: (Wearing a t-shirt, jeans and a backwards baseball cap) Too casual?
Sheldon: For an audience with the Queen, yes. For an evening of passing a bottle of fortified wine around a flaming trashcan, you look great.

Amy: If you're keeping him, I've got a cage you can borrow. One of the test monkeys slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck. It was both tragic and hysterical.

Bernadette: I still think he looks like someone's pet. Maybe we should put up posters.
Sheldon: Yes. It should have a big picture of him and the words: "Is this your bird? Not anymore."

Penny: It's not a date, Leonard. It's just a man and a woman hanging out, not having sex at the end of the night.
Leonard: Sounds like most of my dates.

Penny: I want to know what you told her.
Leonard: That's kind of between me and...
(looks over at Laura)
Laura: Laura.
Leonard: Laura.
Penny: Oh. Okay, I see. So while he was telling you things, did he mention he owns not one, but two Star Trek uniforms?
Laura: Really?
Penny: Yeah. Wears them. Not just for Halloween.
Leonard: Hey, pal. You didn't see me telling Kevin that you thought cold wars were only fought in winter.
Penny: Okay. Then I'll return the favor, and I won't tell...
(looks over at Laura)
Laura: Laura.
Penny: Laura... that half the dirty movies you own are animated.
Leonard: When you were telling Kevin about your acting career, did you mention your long-running role as "Waitress" in a local production of "The Cheesecake Factory"?
Penny: Did you tell her about your lucky asthma inhaler?
Leonard: Oh, yeah? Spell asthma.
Penny: A... s...
(pauses)
Penny: Take me home.
Leonard: Maybe I'm not done hanging out with...
(looks over the table and notices that Laura is gone)
Leonard: You're right. It's getting late.

Penny: Oh, hey. If we hurry, we can make the new Jennifer Aniston movie.
Leonard: Oh, yeah, sure. There's also an amazing documentary about building a dam on a river in South America.
Penny: OK, but the Jennifer Aniston movie has Jennifer Aniston, and she's not building a dam.
Leonard: Can't argue with that. I'll get the tickets.

Notes and Trivia

Lovey Dovey is a Black-throated Magpie Jay

Penny tries to humiliate Leonard in front of another woman by revealing that he has not one but two Star Trek uniforms. In The Prestidigitation Approximation (2011), we learned that he has an everyday uniform and a dress uniform.

Sheldon's encounter with an angry chicken that once chased him into a tree was mentioned before in The Jiminy Conjecture (2009) and The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification (2010).

The helmet that Sheldon puts on to scare away the bird is from the character Boba Fett, the infamous bounty hunter from the Star Wars universe.

Goofs

None

Cast

Privacy Policy | Affiliate Link Disclosure | Contact Us