S06E20 - The Tenure Turbulence

No: 131  |  Season: 6   Episode: 20  |  Air Date: 2013-04-04  |  Runtime: mins

Raj: Come on, Daddy. All the other scientists have seat warmers. This is so humiliating.

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Summary

Leonard, Sheldon, Raj and Kripke battle for tenure at the university.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Steven Molaro & Eric Kaplan & Maria Ferrari / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Steve Holland & Jim Reynolds

Script

Script: S06E20 - The Tenure Turbulence

Quotes

Sheldon: (knock knock knock) Mrs. Davis.
(knock knock knock)
Sheldon: Mrs. Davis.
(knock knock knock)
Sheldon: Mrs. Davis.
(pause)
Sheldon: I know you're in there; I saw your car in the parking lot.
Janine Davis: (opening door) What?
Sheldon: I just found out that you recommended myself, Dr. Hofstadter and Dr. Koothrappali to be on the short list for tenure.
Janine Davis: Well, despite your quirks, the three of you are very accomplished in your respective fields.
Sheldon: Don't know what you mean by quirks, but, um, I do want to express my gratitude.
Janine Davis: You didn't bring another gift, did you?
Sheldon: No, no. No, I learned my lesson. I understand that was inappropriate.
Janine Davis: Good.
Sheldon: (holds out hand) Anyway, thank you.
Janine Davis: You're welcome.
(she holds out her hand and he performs a complicated dap greeting)
Janine Davis: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.
(returns to her office)
Sheldon: Yeah, right on, sister!

Leonard: I was reading about this jellyfish that never dies; instead it reverts to its asexual and then grows up again.
Howard: We thought my ninety-year-old grandfather had reverted to an asexual state, but the lawsuit from his Jamaican caregiver proved us all wrong.
Leonard: My point is immortality is not only a possibility; it is real.
Raj: Only if you're this jellyfish, which periodically reverts to a mass of undifferentiated protoplasm.
Sheldon: If I could keep my Gmail account I'd be OK with that.

Amy: Well. You'll always be an academic success, but... I seriously question whether you'll make any more friends.

Raj: Unbelievable! You have some nerve showing up here just to schmooze with the tenure committee.
Sheldon: You're here.
Raj: Excuse me. I'm here to pay my respects to Professor Tupperware or whatever his name is.
Sheldon: So am I. His passing makes me feel bad.
Leonard: Well, well, well, Sheldon, fancy meeting you here. I guess the train store in Glendale wasn't having a cotillion after all.
(to Raj)
Leonard: And you. You said you weren't coming here either.
Raj: I have a thick accent. You don't know what I said.
Amy: I'd like to know why Penny's here.
Penny: I'm here to support my man, just like you.
Sheldon: What are you going to do? Take people's drink orders and get them wrong?
Leonard: Do it!
(Penny slips off her coat and is wearing a short black dress with prominently displayed breasts. Raj stares at her)
Sheldon: What? Did she do it yet?
Amy: She plans on flirting with members of the tenure committee to further Leonard's cause.
Sheldon: Well, that's a fine how do you do. Don't just stand there, take your breasts out.
Howard: Ooooohh, meerkat fight.
Amy: You're all wasting your time. Sheldon is the most qualified for the job, and no amount of gravity defying bosom's going to change that. Seriously, is that tape? Like how are they staying up like that?
Leonard: Way to hit 'em with both barrels.
Raj: You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Using women to advance your cause with sexuality and whatever Amy plans on doing.

Amy: You know, if you really want tenure, maybe you should cozy up to the people making the decision.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not do 'cozy'.
Amy: You don't say.

Penny: So, who do you have to schmooze to get this deal?
Leonard: I'm not going to schmooze anybody; I'm going to let my work speak for itself.
Penny: That's great. That shows a lot of integrity.
Leonard: Thank you.
(pause)
Leonard: I'm a naive idiot, right?
Penny: Oh good, you heard me.

Sheldon: While I disagree with the premise of tenure if they gave it to me, it wouldn't diminish my output. I'm like the sun. I can't turn this off.

Penny: So "tenured" means a job for life?..
Leonard: Yep.
Penny: And you can't get fired even if you're bad at it?
Leonard: Mm, not really.
Penny: Wow, sounds a lot like being a pretty waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.

Amy: Are Rajesh and Leonard competing for it as well?
Sheldon: Mm-hmm.
Amy: Do they know they don't stand a chance 'cause you're so great?
Sheldon: Well put.

Sheldon: I understand you may have a bad impression of me; so, I bought you a gift.
Janine Davis: Uh, Doctor Cooper, that's not necessary.
Sheldon: It's too late. Get ready to like me.
(Gives her gift)
Janine Davis: Roots?
Sheldon: The tragic history of slavery in America; fun for the whole family.
Janine Davis: Why would you think this is an appropriate gift?
Sheldon: Um... Well... You are black, right?
Janine Davis: This meeting is come to an end.
Sheldon: Because you want to start watching it right now. Copy that.
(Sheldon exits to the hallway)
Sheldon: Let's see. Up next on the tenure committee is... Professor Wu. Get ready for the complete works of Jackie Chan.

Kripke: Wemember when we were twying to figure out what that smell coming fwom Pwofessor Tupperman's office was?
Howard: Yeah.
Kripke: Turns out it was Tupperman. Dead at his desk for two weeks.
Howard, Leonard, Raj: Ugh.
Kripke: In wieu of fwowers, the department chair is asking that everyone donate a bottle of Febweze.

Sheldon: My primary concern with being granted tenure is living with an insanely jealous roommate after the fact. I might need to sleep with a gun under my pillow. Or a chain saw.
Amy: Or, you take advantage of your new found economic stability and move out, buy a house, get married, start a family.
Sheldon: Or... the chain saw.

Sheldon: Excuse me, the whole tenure system is ridiculous. A guaranteed job for life only encourages the faculty to become complacent. If we really want science to advance, people should have chips implanted in their skulls that explode when they say something stupid.

Amy: Should've taken my breasts out while I had the chance.

Penny: So, tenured means a job for life?
Leonard: Yup.
Penny: You can't get fired, even if you're bad at it?
Leonard: Not really.
Penny: Oh. Sounds a lot like being a pretty waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.

Kripke: Children wuv me. Something about me just makes them waff and waff.

Kripke: If you need my nose, you'll find it firmwy wodged up the wectum of the tenure committee.

Notes and Trivia

Sheldon and Leonard have the 5 book set of 'Modernist Cuisine' on their fridge. The books explain a new scientific approach to cooking.

Goofs

None

Cast

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