S06E19 - The Closet Reconfiguration

No: 130  |  Season: 6   Episode: 19  |  Air Date: 2013-03-14  |  Runtime: mins

Amy: You have something we want. Sheldon: Oh, dear. My mother warned me this is what happens to pretty boys in the big city.

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Summary

Howard becomes upset when Sheldon finds a letter from his estranged father whilst cleaning out his and Bernadette's closet.

Director and Writers

Director: Anthony Rich
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Jim Reynolds & Maria Ferrari / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Steve Holland & Eric Kaplan

Script

Script: S06E19 - The Closet Reconfiguration

Quotes

Amy: (after Howard's outburst of anger at Sheldon) Use me a human shield?
Sheldon: I panicked. He looked taller than usual.

Sheldon: (Cleaning the lint trap on the laundry room drier) Yech! It's like cleaning the building's belly button.

Howard: It's kind of ridiculous having to walk all those flights of stairs.
Bernadette: Try doing it in heels.
Howard: I am.

Sheldon: Penny, I have a couple of questions about your closet. Is there any reason you're keeping this dead goldfish?
Penny: Damn. I forgot to feed him... and that I had him.
Sheldon: Well, now, did you also have a dog? Because I found what appears to be a battery-powered chew toy.
Penny: Party's over! Party's over!

Raj: Nice to see everyone dressed up.
Penny: Well, this party is delightful.
Raj: As is the company.
Sheldon: This shirt is itchy and I wish I was dead.

Leonard: Amy.
Amy: You didn't know it, but your father was in the auditorium at your high school graduation and he cried because he was so proud of you.
Howard: Really?
Sheldon: Oh, that's complete poppycock which Amy made that up and it could still be the map.
Leonard: Penny.
Penny: It was a letter explaining that your Dad wasn't who he said was. Eventually his other life caught up to him and the only way to keep you and your Mom safe was to leave.
Sheldon: I would like to change mine. The pirate's name was Peg Leg Antoine. Now it's completely different from Goonies.
Amy: No it's not.
Sheldon: Don't.
Leonard: OK, my turn. Your Dad wrote about how family is the most important thing and that you should never throw it away like he did.
Howard: Hm.
Leonard: Bernadette.
Bernadette: Inside the envelope was a picture of your Dad holding you the day you were born. On the back he wrote: Howard, my son, my greatest gift.
(Howard gets up and walks away)
Bernadette: You okay?
Howard: Yeah. I'm terrific.
Sheldon: So? Which one do you think it is, matey?
Howard: Actually I don't want to know. I want all of them to be true.
Leonard: Well, one of them is.
Howard: That is pretty cool. Thank you, guys.

(Sheldon is begging Leonard to let him stay and finish organizing Howard's closet)
Leonard: Penny is already in the car... wait, I can go home without you? Bye!

Leonard: Hey. Where have you been?
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard. If I was prone to sarcasm, I would say I was pulling off a major heist at the museum of laundry baskets.
Leonard: (to himself) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
(heavy sigh)
Leonard: I meant "Golly, Sheldon, you've been gone a long time."
Sheldon: Oh. Well, I was waylaid by Penny, Bernadette, and Amy. They made me reveal confidential information about Howard's father.
Leonard: What information?
Sheldon: I can't tell you that. I am bound by closet organizer/organizee confidentiality.
Raj: Well, come on. We won't tell anyone.
Sheldon: Sorry. Badgering me won't work. What you should have said is "It's pointless to keep this a secret, because Penny will tell us."
Leonard: Fine, then that.
Sheldon: All right, I'll tell you.

Amy: If you let me pierce your brain with a hot needle in the right place you'd be happy all the time.

Bernadette: Wha'cha doing?
Howard: You said clean up. I'm cleaning up.
Bernadette: You can't just throw everything in the closet.
Howard: Hey, you can tell me what to do, or you can tell me how to do it, but you can't do both; this isn't sex.
Bernadette: What if someone looks in there?
Howard: They're just coming over for dinner. No-one's going to look in the closet.
Bernadette: You don't know that. What if someone's looking for the bathroom and they open that door?
Howard: Could work out. For all we know, there's a toilet in there somewhere.
Bernadette: Fine, but after tonight we need to get a handle on this mess.
Howard: Y'know what we should do, we should show the closet to Sheldon.
Bernadette: Hm, why?
Howard: Are you kidding? He's like a savant at organizing. Did you know *everything* in his apartment has a label on it. Including his label-maker which has a label that says 'label-maker'. And, if you look really close at that label-maker label, you'll see a label that says 'label'.
Bernadette: Can't do that. We can't just ask him to straighten our closet.
Howard: No, we wouldn't *ask* him. We'd just show him the closet and let the goblins in his head take it from there.

Howard: (looking at old family photos) Check out nine-year-old Howie with cornrows. Neither race was happy to see me with those.

Sheldon: I can't tell you that. I'm bound by closet organizer-organizee confidentiality.
Amy: Sheldon, that's not a real thing.
Sheldon: Neither is the rule that you have to hold your girlfriend's hand at the movies. But that doesn't stop you from pawing at me like you're a bear and I'm a trash can full of sweets.

Raj: I'm here to make sure your dinner party kicks Howard's dinner party's ass. Now, the first thing we need is a theme. I'm thinking, ah, turn-of-the-century Moulin Rouge.
Leonard: I'm thinking you need a testosterone patch.

Bernadette: I made him tell us.
Howard: Us? Who else knows?
Penny: I know.
Amy: Me, too.
Leonard: Same here.
Raj: Shame on all of you!
Leonard: You know, too.
Raj: Couldn't leave him one friend, could you?

Bernadette: Sheldon, I know tonight's the night you eat Thai food so I went to the Asian market, got all the ingredients, made it from scratch.
Sheldon: Ohh, you shouldn't have.
Bernadette: Oh, it's my pleasure.
Sheldon: No, you really shouldn't have.
(holds up bag of takeout food)
Sheldon: I brought my own.
Bernadette: You stopped and got him takeout?
Leonard: I had no choice. He kept kicking the back of my seat.
Bernadette: Sheldon, I've been cooking all day.
Sheldon: Well, now don't you feel silly.
Bernadette: (to Howard) Show him the closet!

Sheldon: Howard, do you want your clothes arranged seasonally, or by color?
Howard: Color is fine.
Sheldon: That's all wrong. I'm doing it seasonally.

Bernadette: There's something I have to tell you.
Howard: What?
Bernadette: I know what was in your dad's letter.
(realizing who told her, he storms into the apartment)
Howard: Sheldon, I swear to god I'm gonna kill you!

Howard: What are you guys doing here?
Leonard: When you left you weren't sure whether or not you wanted to know what was in your Dad's letter so we came up with kind of a cool solution.
Howard: Oh yeah, what's that?
Sheldon: It's simple really. It occurred to me that knowing and not knowing can be achieved by creating a macroscopic example of quantum superposition. The principle that a physical system exists partially in all of its possible states at once.
Penny: We were all thinking it, really. Kind of the elephant in the room.
Sheldon: Anyway, um, I realized if we each present you with an account of what your father wrote to you, only one of which is true, and we don't tell you which one it is, you will be forever in a state of epistemic ambivalence.
Penny: Yeah. And he said if it wasn't epistemic, we might as well not even do it.
Bernadette: Sit down, honey.
Leonard: Raj, you're up.
Raj: It was a card for your eighteenth birthday. Inside it said: Happy Birthday Howard. I love you, Dad. Oh, and it was a Far Side card, The one where the frog had his tongue stuck to the underside of an airplane. Thinks it's a fly. Silly frog. So funny.
Leonard: Sheldon.
Sheldon: It was a map leading to the lost treasure of famous pirate One-eyed Willy.
Howard: That's fine. That's the plot for The Goonies.
Amy: Told you.
Sheldon: Don't.

Sheldon: Surprisingly, uh, the letter from your father wasn't the most interesting thing I read in the closet. Bernadette's diary has some saucy passages.
Bernadette: Sheldon, don't you dare!
Sheldon: Well, yuh-yuh, there's nothing to worry about; your secret's safe with me.
Bernadette: That's more like it.
Sheldon: (to Howard) Although copyright law would allow me to quote snippets in the context of a review.

Amy: We need something from you.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Momma told me this could happen to a young man in the big city.
Penny: We need some information from you.
Sheldon: Oh, I've got that in spades. Ravage me away.

Notes and Trivia

The title refers to Sheldon reorganizing Howard and Bernadette's closet.

Goofs

None

Cast

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