S07E11 - The Cooper Extraction

No: 146  |  Season: 7   Episode: 11  |  Air Date: 2013-12-12  |  Runtime: mins

Penny: Honey, I'm a little strapped for cash this year, so for Christmas I was thinking of giving you this.

Previous Next

Summary

While Sheldon is at home in Texas, the rest of the gang decorate for Christmas and think about how much he has affected their lives.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Steven Molaro & Eric Kaplan & Maria Ferrari / Teleplay by: Jim Reynolds & Steve Holland & Tara Hernandez

Script

Script: S07E11 - The Cooper Extraction

Quotes

Amy: Can I give you a ride to the airport?
Sheldon: Oh, no, thank you; I don't want to be an inconvenience. Chop chop, Leonard; we leave in ten minutes.

Sheldon: I'm on my way out.
Leonard: Where?
Sheldon: Texas.
Amy: Right now? Why?
Leonard: Someone sick?
Sheldon: Yes. My sister's uterus came down with a baby.
Penny: Oh, she's pregnant? That's great; you're going to be an uncle. Uncle Sheldon.
Sheldon: No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.
Amy: How come you never said she was pregnant?
Sheldon: I never told you about my brother's kidney stone. You want to hear about everything that comes out of my family's genitals?

Leonard: You know, maybe you and I wouldn't be together, but you wouldn't have done so great yourself.
Penny: Why?
Leonard: Because I know exactly the kind of guy you would have ended up with.
Zack: Hey, babe.
Penny: Hey. Remember to pay the rent?
Zack: Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.

Raj: (Stuart interjected himself into Raj and Leonard's fantasy) What are you doing?
Stuart: I, ahem, just wanted to be in anyone's story.
Raj: Yeah, but why are you fat?
Stuart: 'Cause Leonard was fat.

Amy: Hi, Sheldon. Everything OK?
Sheldon: No, it's not. I've seen things. Lady things.
Amy: Listen to me. That is *not* the way they usually look.
Sheldon: It doesn't matter. It is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Some kind of dirty magic show.

Penny: I am a little strapped for cash this year, so for Christmas I was thinking of giving you
(sticks a bow on her Santa hat and runs her hands down her body)
Penny: this.
Leonard: I love it!
(they kiss)
Leonard: But it *is* what you got me last year. And last night.

Raj: So Star Wars and Star Trek characters can go on the same branch?
Leonard: I know, it's crazy. Welcome to the Thunderdome, people!
(they cheer)
Howard: I've never done this before. It's kind of fun.
Raj: If your Mom could see her little Bar mitzvah boy right now she'd have a heart attack.
Bernadette: Good idea; I'll take a picture.

Leonard: Hey, Sheldon sent us all an email. "Happy Holidays from Texas". And there's pictures. Arrgh, don't open them, do not open them.
Penny: Oh, come on, child birth is a natural, beautiful...
(sees picture)
Penny: urgh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half.
Raj: My father's a gynecologist; I think I can handle it.
(sees pictures)
Raj: And now I'm gay.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon Lee Cooper. You get back in this room right now. And bring a mop.
Sheldon: Did you hear that? A mop. I have two PhD's yet somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal.

(Leonard and Raj are very fat)
Leonard: I'm going to do it; I'm going to ask her out.
Howard: And chocolate milk out is going to squirt of my nipples.
Raj: Put up or shut up. You make it, I'll drink it.
Penny: You guys need anything else?
Leonard: Yeah, your phone number and one more cheesecake.
Penny: I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend. Look, in fact, there he is now.
(Stu enters; she goes to him)
Penny: Ready to go, sweetheart.
Stuart: Not till I get my kiss.
(She kisses him and they leave)
Stuart: (Stu. sitting alone in an empty Cheesecake Factory, sighs)

Amy: Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. There's tears in the frosting. Happy birthday to me.

Penny: (Penny's fantasy story) OK, sweetie. Let me tell exactly how that would have gone down.
Leonard: I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask her out.
Howard: I'm going squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples. Sorry. I thought we were saying things that are never going to happen.
Raj: Maybe this time he's going to do it.
Howard: Hope you're thirsty. Here it comes!
Leonard: Watch me.
Penny: Hey. You guys ready to order or do you need a few minutes?
Leonard: I... I... um.
Penny: A few minutes it is.
Raj: You didn't ask her out, but that was a lot of sounds.
Leonard: You guys are making me nervous.
Howard: Fine, then, go talk to her on your own.
Leonard: I will.
(goes over to Penny)
Leonard: Excuse me.
Penny: Yup.
Leonard: Hi, uhh, um, I'm Leonard.
Penny: Really? You don't sound so sure.
Leonard: No, I am he. Any-anyway, um, there's been something I've wanted to ask you for a long time. Um.
Penny: What's that?
Leonard: Well, I was wondering if you're not too busy... um... if you'd be interested in... telling me where the restroom is?
Penny: I think you're too late.

Amy: I missed you.
Sheldon: To quote Han Solo - I know.
Amy: Did you miss me?
Sheldon: I would have preferred to have you there with me.
Amy: Awww.
Sheldon: Or instead of me.

Sheldon: The second I go out of town you throw a Christmas party without me?
Amy: Yeah, kinda.
Sheldon: That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.

Amy: Did you hold the baby?
Sheldon: I did.
Amy: And... how did it make you feel?
Sheldon: Looking into the blank, innocent eyes of a creature that couldn't begin to comprehend anything I was saying? Basically just another day at the office.

Debbie Wolowitz: (Fantasy sequence) That's it? There's not enough food!
Howard: Well, you cleaned out Earth! I don't know what else to do!
Bernadette: (Back in reality) How is this any different?
Howard: You didn't let me finish.
(in the fantasy, Howard serves Mrs. Wolowitz)
Howard: Here you go, Mother.
Debbie Wolowitz: You're a good boy, Howard, such a good boy.
(Howard turns the chair around, revealing Mrs. Wolowitz is now a skeleton wearing a wig and the fantasy ends)
Amy: Wait, did she die or did you kill her?
Howard: Eh, tomato, tomahto. The important thing is she's dead.

Raj: I've never seen It's a Wonderful life
Stuart: Me neither
Amy: It's great, Jimmy Stewart is really depressed, standing on a bridge and is going to kill himself
Stuart: Don't need to see it, living it

Sheldon: (about his nephew) That baby is so irritating, he's literally been crying his entire life
Howard: Already taking after his Uncle Shelly

Penny: Can you imagine *not* being born?
Leonard: (imitating Sheldon's knocking ritual) What do you think?
(knocks again)
Leonard: What do you think?
(knocks again)
Leonard: WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Bernadette: Now, I was thinking. Without Sheldon, most of us would have never met, but Penny would have still live across from him.
Amy: And with Leonard out of the picture, we all know what that would mean.
Penny: We do?
Penny: (Sheldon is sorting laundry and Penny enters in Amy's fantasy) Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: (seductively) Doing laundry?
Sheldon: Of course I'm doing laundry. Saturday night is laundry night and I'm in a laundry room, so... I believe your inference is justified.
Penny: Oh, my inference is justified. Sheldon, you are so funny, Anyway, I need to do my laundry, too, because these clothes are so dirty. Almost as dirty as the dirty girl who's wearing them.
Penny: (Listening to the story) OK, that's enough.
Leonard: Disagree.
Raj: keep going.
Penny: (Standing in her bra) So. What do you think?
Sheldon: A tad asymmetrical, but nothing to be concerned about.
Penny: Please, Sheldon, I need you.
Sheldon: To... what?
Penny: To take me.
Sheldon: I'm not taking you anywhere till you put on a shirt.
Penny: Come on, Sheldon. You and me, right here.
Sheldon: Penny, for the thousandth time. I'm saving myself for someone special. Perhaps a cute bespectacled neuroscientist with hair the color of mud.
Penny: I think I know how to change your mind.

Penny: (Penny and Amy are skiing to a video game) Alright, you're really good at this.
Amy: Well, I have an extremely low center of gravity. Like a pyramid.
Penny: How you doing over there?
Leonard: Well, I hope it's just a sprain. I cannot walk into that ER with another video game injury.

Sheldon: She chose to have a home birth because she wants to live in the stone age and a cave wasn't available.
Raj: You know, many people believe that home births are better because the mother is in a warm, comfortable environment where she can be nurtured by loved ones.
Sheldon: And turn the bedroom floor into an amniotic Slip n' Slide.

Raj: (to Amy) Would you want Sheldon in the room if he was having your baby?
Penny: If he was in the room when they were *making* the baby, I'll give you 10 dollars.

Notes and Trivia

Amy includes Raj's dog Cinnamon in her connections diagram.

It seems that Kaley had a bit of a cold while filming this episode based on the sound of her voice.

The episode is based on the classic Christmas movie 'It's a Wonderful Life' (1946).

The episode won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Multi-Camera Picture Editing for a Comedy Series.

This is the fourth (out of six) Christmas episode in the series; the others are episodes 2.11 The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis (2008), 3.11 The Maternal Congruence (2009), 6.11 The Santa Simulation (2012), 8.11 The Clean Room Infiltration (2014), and 10.12 The Holiday Summation (2017),

Goofs

None

Cast

Privacy Policy | Affiliate Link Disclosure | Contact Us