S07E22 - The Proton Transmogrification

No: 157  |  Season: 7   Episode: 22  |  Air Date: 2014-05-01  |  Runtime: mins

Sheldon: Be careful with that. Arthur: Oh. Oh. Oh, neato. I'm, uh, I'm going to need a Band-Aid.

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Summary

As the gang celebrate Star Wars Day, Sheldon has difficulty dealing with the recent death of Arthur "Professor Proton" Jeffries.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Jim Reynolds & Maria Ferrari & Jeremy Howe / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Eric Kaplan & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S07E22 - The Proton Transmogrification

Quotes

Penny: (about Star Wars Day) So, when is it?
Leonard: Well, it's not May the 5th, and it's not May the 3rd... it's May the 4th.
Sheldon: Get it?
Raj: May the fourth be with you?

Sheldon: When Obi Wan came to Luke on this very spot he gave him all sorts of helpful advice. So, um, what have you got for me?
Arthur Jeffries: Um, always get a pre-nup.
Sheldon: That's it? I thought there would be more of a reason why you are here.
Arthur Jeffries: Why do you think I'm here?
Sheldon: I suppose it has something to do with your recent passing.
Arthur Jeffries: Is this the first time you lost someone close to you?
Sheldon: Oh no, no. I already had to say good-bye to eleven Dr. Who's.
Arthur Jeffries: Yeah, I out lived a few of my doctors, too.
Sheldon: Of course my grandfather died when I was five and my father died when I was fourteen.
Arthur Jeffries: I'm sorry about that.
Sheldon: And now you're gone too. It's like all the men I've looked up to have gone away.
Arthur Jeffries: You know it's all right to be sad about it, but just make sure appreciate those who are still there for you.
Sheldon: But I do appreciate them.
Arthur Jeffries: Well then what am I doing in the swamp dressed like Friar Tuck? Appreciate them Sheldon.

Raj: You know, I heard this way of watching the movies called the Machete Order, where you watch Episodes IV and V, then skip Episode I, watch II and III as a flashback, and then finish with VI.
Howard: Okay, so you lose most of Jar Jar, all of the trade route talk and the boring Senate hearings, which is like watching C-SPAN with monsters.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Leonard: Comforting you?
Sheldon: Your heart might be in the right place, but your head, chest and arms certainly aren't.

Bernadette: This is fun. You don't see many spherical cakes.
(the cake rolls off the table and onto the floor)
Amy: I wonder why that is?

Sheldon: I'm not going to the funeral... All those people blowing their noses. You can't tell the sick from the sad. I'll be at home celebrating Star Wars Day, as planned.
Amy: Are you sure you don't want to go say good-bye?
Sheldon: Amy, mourning the inevitable is a complete waste of time.
Amy: And watching a bunch of goofy space movies you've seen hundreds of times isn't?
Sheldon: If we were in a physical relationship, you just lost sex tonight.

Howard: You sure, not even coffee? We have R2-Decaf, maybe a nice caf? au Leia

Arthur Jeffries: Here's a fun fact: after owls eat, they spit out the parts of their food that they can't digest, in the form of a pellet. Isn't that a hoot? We'll be right back after I fire my writers.

Amy: Arthur passing away was harder on Sheldon than he's ready to admit. I'm hoping this will cheer him up.
Bernadette: Me too. Although it might have been thoughtless of us to make a Death Star cake.
Amy: No, it combines two of Sheldon's favorite things. Chocolate chips and the ability of destroying a planet at the push of a button.
Bernadette: Well, anyway, it'll be a nice surprise for the boys. And Howie doesn't think I take his interests seriously, so hopefully this will keep him fooled for a while.

Howard: Are you upset or just rebooting?

Howard: Some of the physical comedy of Jar-Jar is tough to watch.
Leonard: At least they toned him down in the second one.
Penny: Yeah, he is pretty stupid.
Raj: Hey, we can say it. You can't.

Sheldon: Arthur. I thought you were dead.
Arthur Jeffries: I am. It's fantastic. I mean this is the longest I've gone without running into a men's room in years.
Sheldon: Why are you here?
Arthur Jeffries: I don't know. I was hoping I was going to haunt my ex-wife.
Sheldon: I know why. You've come to me because you're my Obi Wan.
Arthur Jeffries: I'm not... I'm not familiar with that... Is that an internet?
Sheldon: Wow. You're dead so I'm gonna let that slide. Obi Wan Kenobi is a character from Star Wars. After his physical demise he comes to Luke Skywalker as his mentor in spirit form.
Arthur Jeffries: Well, that clears that up.
Sheldon: You must be here to give me advice.
Arthur Jeffries: (Appears in Obi Wan Kenobi Jedi robes) Well this... this is weird. Most of my robes open in the back.
Sheldon: Those are your Jedi robes.
Arthur Jeffries: Oh wait... what? What... what is this?
(Activates light saber)
Sheldon: Oh, be careful with that!
Arthur Jeffries: Whoa. Whoa. Oh, neato.
(Waves light saber around)
Arthur Jeffries: I'm uh. I'm going to need a band-aid.

Sheldon: Well why do I need you now?
Arthur Jeffries: Well as near as I can tell you fell asleep watching Star Wars and now you're dreaming you're watching Star Wars.
Sheldon: So?
Arthur Jeffries: Don't you see a problem there? I mean how you're spending your limited time on Earth.
Sheldon: Not at all.
Arthur Jeffries: OK. Good luck to you.

Leonard: On the one hand if I say yes.
Penny: It isn't funny anymore. Just say no so we're done with this. Will you marry me or not?
Leonard: Ooo. Interesting. Did you propose to me again?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Really, because I just hear "will you marry me?" That's two proposals in one day. Sounds like someone wants to spend of their life telling people how to spell the name "Hofstadter".
Penny: You know what? Fine. Do whatever you want.
Leonard: Hey, Penny, Don't get upset. Here. I love you, but no. I will not marry you.
Penny: Thank you.
Leonard: Now about that second proposal. On the one hand...

Sheldon: When Darth Vader struck down Obi-Wan, did Luke cry like a baby and go to his funeral?
Penny: No, he blew up the Death Star! Why do I even know this?

Leonard: So, that was your first funeral. How was it?
Penny: I don't mean to complain, but it was a bit of a bummer.
Leonard: Well, when I die you can rent a bounce house.

Penny: (Trying to cry at Jeffries' funeral) No, I'm all dried up. You're a big crybaby, you start.
Leonard: I'm not a crybaby.
Penny: Toy Story 3?
Leonard: The toys were holding hands in a furnace!

Sheldon: I'm working on a Star Wars Day schedule. I have a window built in after Phantom Menace for complaining, but I'm worried an hour won't be enough.

Bernadette: I got into science because I was the smallest kid in school so I thought if I became a scientist I can invent a formula that can make me taller.
Amy: That's cute.
Bernadette: Yeah. I thought it was working for a while, but then I just found out my brother was lowering the pencil marks on the door frame. How about you?
Amy: I guess it must have begun back when I was in the girl sprouts.
Bernadette: Girl sprouts?
Amy: My mom made it up as an alternative to the Girl Scouts. She didn't want me selling cookies on some street corner like a whore.
Bernadette: How did that get you into science?
Bernadette: Oh, I went to the library to check out a book on biology to see what whores did.

Arthur Jeffries: Where are we?
Sheldon: This is the swamp land of Degobah. It's where Luke was trained in the ways of the Jedi.
Arthur Jeffries: Oh, too bad. I thought it was Florida.

Leonard: I regret not saying yes when you asked me to marry you.
Penny: Well, that just wasn't the right time.
Leonard: Yeah.
Penny: And this is also not the right time to propose.
Leonard: What?
Penny: I know that face; that's your propose face.
Leonard: I was not going to propose. It's already two to one.
Penny: What two to one?
Leonard: I proposed twice, you proposed once. It's two to one.
Penny: Oh my God. It's not a contest.
Leonard: I don't know what you're upset about. I'm the one who is losing.
Penny: Fine. Would you feel better if I proposed and you could turn me down again?
Leonard: I think I would.
Penny: OK, Leonard. Will you marry me?
Leonard: Hm.
Penny: No, don't you dare. You reject me right now and tie things up.
Leonard: It's should a big decision I don't want to have any regrets.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, since Star Wars' Day is rapidly approaching we should finalize our plans.
Penny: That's a real thing? What is it? Star Wars' Christmas?
Howard: No, don't be ridiculous. That's Wookie Life Day.

Notes and Trivia

Raj mentions watching Star Wars in the 'Machete Order', which is to start with episode 4 and 5, then proceed with episodes 2 and 3 (as a flashback), and finish with 6. This is a viewing order that some fans have actually advocated to preserve a maximum of surprises, because when watching the films in order of release (4-5-6-1-2-3), Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader's death already occurs halfway; when watching in chronological order (1-2-3-4-5-6), the twists of Yoda being a Jedi Master and Anakin being Darth Vader as well as Luke Skywalker's father are lost. Leaving out episode 1 is optional, because it doesn't really contain information critical to the overall plot.

The visual effects on this Star Wars-themed episode were created by ILM, the company which did the visual effects on the Star Wars movies. The episode was filmed much earlier than usual and out of sequence, to accommodate Bob Newhart's schedule, and to give ILM time to create the effects.

Title Reference: Professor Proton passes on and "transmogrifies" to a ghost.

Goofs

None

Cast

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