S03E09 - The Vengeance Formulation

No: 49  |  Season: 3   Episode: 9  |  Air Date: 2009-11-23  |  Runtime: mins

I want to know why you're playing make-believe with me when you could be out with a real woman tonight.

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Summary

Sheldon plans revenge after Kripke humiliates him on the radio. Howard develops doubts about his relationship with Bernadette.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Maria Ferrari / Teleplay by: Richard Rosenstock & Jim Reynolds & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S03E09 - The Vengeance Formulation

Quotes

Howard: Hey, did either of you guys know that three dates with the same woman is the threshold for sex?
Raj: Actually, I've never had three dates with the same woman.
Leonard: With Penny and me it took two years! Now that I think about it that was three dates.

Howard: So nice you could join me this evening. You're looking lovely as always.
Katee Sackhoff: Thanks, Howard. Always nice to be part of your masturbatory fantasies.
Howard: Come on, Katee, don't make it sound so cheap.
Katee Sackhoff: I'm sorry. Fiddling with yourself in the bathtub is a real class act.
Howard: Thank you. So, shall we get started?
Katee Sackhoff: Sure, but can I ask you a question first?
Howard: You want to play Cylon & Colonist?
Katee Sackhoff: No. I want to know why you're playing make-believe with me when you could be out with a real woman tonight.
Howard: You mean Bernadette?
Katee Sackhoff: No, I mean Princess Leia. Of course I mean Bernadette. She's a wonderful girl and she really likes you.
Howard: I know, but she's not you.
Katee Sackhoff: I'm not me. The real me is in Beverly Hills going out with a tall, handsome, rich guy.
Howard: Really? Tall?
Katee Sackhoff: Six four.
Howard: Ouch.
Katee Sackhoff: The point is you've got a wonderful girl in your life and you're ignoring her in order to spend your nights in a bathtub with a mental image and a washcloth.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! What are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm taking a bath!
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope that's all you're doing! We share that tub!
Howard: Don't remind me!
(he turns back to find Katee has disappeared)
Howard: Oh, man, all soaped up and no place to go.

Sheldon: Well, this is very exciting, and I wanted you to be among the first to know...
Kripke: (passing by) Hey, Cooper, I hear you're gonna be on the wadio with Ira Fwatow from Science Fwiday next week.
Sheldon: Thank you, Kripke, for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends.
Kripke: My pweasure.
Sheldon: My thank-you was not sincere.
Kripke: But my pweasure is. Let me ask you a question. At what point did National Public Wadio have to start scwaping the bottom of the barrel for its guests? Eeh-eeh. Don't answer. It's rhetorical.

Howard: (about Bernadette) She wants a commitment, and I'm not sure she's my type.
Penny: She agreed to go out with you for free; what more do you need?
Howard: Look, Bernadette is really nice; I just always thought when I finally settle down and do a relationship it would be with someone, you know... different.
Penny: Different how?
Howard: Well, you know... more like Megan Fox from 'Transformers'. Or Katee Sackhoff from 'Battlestar Galactica'.
Penny: Are you high?
Leonard: You'd have a better shot with the three-breasted Martian hooker from 'Total Recall'.
Howard: Okay, now you're just being unrealistic. Anyway, that movie was like twenty years ago; imagine how *saggy* those things would be.

Sheldon: (about being on NPR) My mother is very excited. She's convening her Bible study group to listen in and then pray for my soul.

Sheldon: Biologically speaking, Howard is perfectly justified in seeking out the optimum mate for the propagation of his genetic line.
Howard: Thank you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Whether that propagation is in the interest of humanity is, of course, an entirely different question.

(after Sheldon pranks Kripke and, unintentionally, the dean of the university, Leonard and Raj are embarrassed that they were named as accomplices)
Raj: (to Leonard) Well, I'm going back to India. What's your plan?

Sheldon: What do you want?
Raj: We represent the Lollipop Guild and we want you.

Howard: Two years later there's a knock on the door; the guy opens it, and there on the porch is the snail who says, "What the heck was that all about?"
Bernadette: (giggles) I don't really get it.
Howard: See, it took two for the snail to-
(Bernadette kisses him)
Howard: Not important.
Bernadette: Can I ask you a question?
Howard: Sure.
Bernadette: Where do you think this is going?
Howard: To be honest, I was hoping at least second base.
Bernadette: You're so funny. You're like a stand-up comedian.
Howard: A Jewish stand-up comedian; that'd be new.
Bernadette: Actually, I think a lot of them are Jewish.
Howard: No, I was just be- Never mind.
Bernadette: Look, Howard, this is our third date, and we both know what that means.
Howard: We do?
Bernadette: Sex.
Howard: You're kidding!
Bernadette: But I need to know whether you're looking for a relationship or a one-night stand.
Howard: Okay, just to be clear, there's only one correct answer, right? It's not like 'chicken or fish' on an airplane.
Bernadette: Maybe you need to think about it a little.
Howard: You know it's not unheard of for a one-night stand to turn into a relationship.
Bernadette: (she kisses him briefly) Call me when you figure it out.
(she goes into her house)
Howard: Three dates means sex! Who knew?

Raj: Here comes Kripke!
Leonard: Who is that with him?
Raj: Believe that's the president of the university.
Leonard: And the board of directors! Abort, abort!
Sheldon: There is no abort.
Raj: How could you not put in an abort?
Sheldon: I made a boo-boo, all right?

Sheldon: (speaking in high-pitched voice after breathing helium) Kripke, I've found the nozzle. I'm going to kill you!

(Penny enters)
Penny: Hi, guys.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: Yo, Raj, talk to me!
(very long pause)
Penny: Nah, I'm sorry. Just screwin' with ya.

Howard: Hey, I'm interested in what's inside people too, but why is it wrong to want those insides wrapped up in, say, the delicious caramel that is Halle Berry.

Raj: (after Sheldon's foam prank covers everything and everyone in Kripke's lab) Wow. Looks like the Ganges on laundry day.

Penny: (Howard is 'serenading' Bernadette) Oh, I am *so* sorry.
Bernadette: Are you kidding? That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.
Howard: (sings) Bernadette!
(says)
Howard: Thank you, Cheesecake Factory!

Penny: Why are you back from your date so early?
Howard: In romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more.
Penny: (to Leonard) What exactly does that mean?
Leonard: He struck out.

Notes and Trivia

Fever 104, the radio station Raj mentions, is actually one of the most popular radio stations in India.

Katee Sackhoff's appearance in this episode came about because she accompanied her Battlestar Galactica (2004) co-star Tricia Helfer when she was making a guest appearance on Chuck Lorre's other hit sitcom Two and a Half Men (2003). Lorre approached her about a cameo on The Big Bang Theory (2007). Sackhoff had previously turned down that opportunity in Season 2 when the chance of playing herself went to Summer Glau so she instantly leapt at Lorre's offer.

The chemical reaction that Sheldon uses to get his revenge on Kripke is a genuine one (often used in practical jokes) and is often referred to as "elephant toothpaste". Hydrogen peroxide decomposes slowly to form water and oxygen gas. The presence of potassium iodide catalyzes this reaction, so that it produces large quantities of oxygen very quickly. The gas then causes the liquid detergent to froth copiously as shown. Unfortunaely, the foam created from the reaction can reach temperatures of over 200 degrees and cause severe burns if it comes into contact with a person's skin. Kripke and the others who are dowsed with the foam in the prank could have been seriously injured with burns.

Goofs

None

Cast

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