S04E23 - The Engagement Reaction

No: 86  |  Season: 4   Episode: 23  |  Air Date: 2011-05-12  |  Runtime: mins

Leonard: Is there a history of heart disease in your family? Howard: My family is the history of heart disease.

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Summary

Howard believes that his mom suffered a heart attack because he told her that he's marrying Bernadette, Sheldon freaks out over germs, and Penny and Priya compare notes on Leonard.

Director and Writers

Director: Howard Murray
Writers: Story by: Bill Prady & Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Steven Molaro & Steve Holland

Script

Script: S04E23 - The Engagement Reaction

Quotes

(Sheldon takes a drink of water)
Raj: Sheldon, that's my water.
Sheldon: Oh dear Lord!
(he runs into the bathroom)
Leonard: That's not your water.
Raj: I know.
(Leonard smiles)
Sheldon: (off-screen) Where's the mouth wash?
Raj: (pulling it out from underneath the cushion next to him) Where indeed?

Priya: You know, my brother had a group of friends like this in India. They dressed up in leotards and goggles and called themselves 'The New Delhi Power Rangers'.
Penny: You mean when he was little.
Priya: Not as little as you'd want him to be.

Howard: Bernadette and my mother are having a get-to-know-you lunch at the Old Town Deli.
Raj: Oh, that sounds lovely.
Howard: Hope so. Course, if history is any indication my mother will swallow her whole and spit out her bones like an owl.
Leonard: Have you met Bernadette's parents?
Howard: You mean Adolph and Eva? Not yet, one goose-step at a time.

Sheldon: Do you know where the phrase jibber-jabber comes from?
Penny: Oh, my God, you're about to jibber-jabber about jibber-jabber.

Bernadette: You're a putz! You know what that means?
Howard: Yeah, do you?
Bernadette: Your mother just taught it to me. She thinks she got food poisoning from that deli and she just wanted to make sure I was okay.
Howard: And are you?
Bernadette: No, because I'm engaged to a putz!

Sheldon: (at the hospital) Howard, I have to go to the bathroom and no one will take me home.
Howard: What's wrong with the bathroom here?
Sheldon: Pneumococcus, streptococcus, staphylococcus and other assorted coccuses.
Howard: Sheldon, my mother is on her deathbed and my fianc?e is grief-stricken over putting her there. I'm not taking you home.
Sheldon: Will you at least go with me to the restroom here, so you can open the door and flush the urinal?
Howard: No!
Sheldon: This might be a good time to point out, Howard, that friendship requires a certain give and take.

Leonard: It's nice that they're getting along.
Raj: Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend hang out together? Oh yeah. That can only be good for you.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Raj: One of them broke up with you; do you really want her telling the other one why?
Leonard: I don't care. I don't have anything to hide.
Raj: Good, good. Then you've nothing to worry about.
Leonard: No. I do not.
(pauses)
Leonard: You are a mean little man!
Raj: You'd think it'd be because my parents didn't love me, but actually they loved me a great deal.

(Sheldon has accidentally drunk out of Leonard's water glass)
Sheldon: The backwash into this glass is every pathogen that calls your mouth "home sweet home." Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue of your subtropical girlfriend.
Raj: Hey! That's my sister and my country you're talking about! Leonard may have defiled one, but I won't have you talking smack about the other!
Bernadette: You guys ready to order?
Sheldon: Yes. I'd like a seven-day course of penicillin, some syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting, and a mint.
Bernadette: I don't understand.
Howard: He drank from Leonard's glass.
Sheldon: "He drank from Leonard's glass." Words they'll be carving into my tombstone.

Howard: It was either a heart attack, or a heart attack like event.
Penny: What's the difference?
Sheldon: A heart attack like event is an event that's like a heart attack.

Bernadette: How can we be together if the thought of us getting married might kill your mother?
Howard: It's the circle of life, sweetie. One day our son will marry someone and it will kill you.

Penny: Hey, do me a favor and take table 7?
Bernadette: You mean the one with my 118-pound rock-hard stud of a fianc? who's prone to canker sores and pinkeye?
Penny: No, I prefer to look at it as the one with my ex-boyfriend and his gorgeous, successful, sophisticated girlfriend who makes me feel like a toothless Okie.
Bernadette: Do you want me to spill hot soup on her?
Penny: Oh please, you're not that kind of person.
Bernadette: I know. But if she orders something low-fat, I'll totally give her the full-fat version.

Leonard: Is there a history of heart disease in your family?
Howard: My family *is* the history of heart disease. There's a cave painting in France of one of my ancestors doing this.
(clutches his chest)

Leonard: Sheldon, let's go!
Sheldon: To a hospital? Full of sick people? Oh, I don't think so.
Penny: Okay, well, your friend and his mother are there. We're going!
Sheldon: I can't.
Penny: Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of germs.
Sheldon: Not all germs. Just the ones that will kill me. The same way I'm not afraid of all steak knives; just the ones that might be plunged in my thorax.
Leonard: Ah-uh, fine, I'll tell Howard you didn't come because you're more concerned about your own well-being than his.
Sheldon: I would think he would know that.
Penny: Okay, you know what? You are unbelievable. You buy all these superhero T-shirts but when it's time for you to step up and do the right thing, you just hide in the laundry room.
Sheldon: Fine, I'll go. Just for the record, my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital. She went in to visit my Uncle Roger, caught something, and bit the dust a week later. The two of them now share a coffee can on my mother's mantel.

Howard: Mom also had just gotten some news that might've upset her.
Bernadette: What?
Howard: It's not important.
Bernadette: Come on, Howard, I'm going to be your wife. You can share anything with me.
Howard: Oh, you'd think that, but no.
Bernadette: You told her we were going to get married and she had a heart attack?
Howard: You can't take that personally.
Penny: How else is she supposed to take it?
Howard: What you've gotta keep in mind is that ever since my dad left, I've been the whole world to my mother. I mean, she'd be threatened by any woman who can give me what she can't.
Bernadette: You mean sexual intercourse?
Howard: Well, when you say it like that, you make it sound creepy.
(Priya and Raj enter)
Priya: What happened?
Bernadette: Howard's mother had a heart attack because I have sex with him and she can't!

Howard: Can I see her?
Dr. Bernstein: Well, actually, she said, and I quote, she'd like to see the "little Catholic girl" first.
Bernadette: Me? Why me?
Howard: Jews have been asking that for centuries; there's no real good answer.
Bernadette: Okay, well, wish me luck.
Howard: Don't worry, you'll be fine. Let's just hide Mr. Cross. If it touches her, it burns.
Dr. Bernstein: You brought a Catholic girl home to your mother?
Howard: Yeah.
Dr. Bernstein: Why don't I write you a prescription for Xanax?

Sheldon: I gargled with tequila and may have swallowed a teeny bit.
Leonard: You all right?
Sheldon: Fine. Thank you for asking. I love you so much.

(the guys are playing Mystic Warlords of Ka'a)
Sheldon: (plays card) Fire demon.
Raj: Ooh, fire demon, Sheldon's turning up the heat!
Howard: (plays card) Troll master.
Raj: Check it, Howard pulls one out from under the bridge. Nice!
Leonard: (plays card) Water nymph.
Raj: Oh yeah, she's got puddles in all the right places.
Sheldon: Could you please play the game without commenting on every card?
Raj: Sorry.
(plays card)
Raj: Walking tree.
(looks at Sheldon imploringly)
Sheldon: Last one
Raj: I'm taking a stroll and I'm sporting wood!

Leonard: There are a couple of things I did with Penny that might be a little silly...
Raj: Like what?
Leonard: Every once in a while, before we'd go to bed, I'd put on a little show for her.
Raj: What do you mean "a show"?
Leonard: You know, like the way I took my clothes off.
Raj: Like to music?
Leonard: It'd look pretty stupid if there was no music!
Raj: So you'd do a striptease?
Leonard: Well, I wasn't swinging around a pole
Raj: Good, good...
Leonard: There was one time I put body glitter on.
Raj: Well, I don't think you have to worry about Penny telling my sister that.
Leonard: No, she wouldn't.
Raj: Your big problem is me telling her.
Leonard: You really are a mean little man.

Sheldon: (Sheldon has walked into a quarantined room) Oh, what fresh hell is this?
(tries to leave)
Nurse in Biohazard Suit: Wait, you can't leave here, you've been exposed!
Sheldon: (puts his shirt over his nose) No, I haven't. It's all good.

Debbie Wolowitz: I had a pastrami sandwich. She had eggplant lasagna, like that's what a person orders in a Jewish deli.

Penny: You want to talk about crazy mothers, Leonard's mom wouldn't give him any sort of approval growing up... It makes him desperate to please women. That's why the foreplay goes on and on.
Priya: It does, doesn't it?
Penny: It's like he's trying to win a prize. A word of advice... don't doze off. You will never hear the end of it.

Leonard: What took you guys so long?
Priya: Oh, we were just chatting.
Leonard: That's nice. What about?
Penny: We were just comparing notes about how you are in the sack.
(Penny and Leonard laugh)
Leonard: (uncomfortable) That's funny.
Penny: Yeah.
Raj: (after Penny and Priya walk to their seats) What if she wasn't kidding?
Leonard: Doesn't matter. I'm the king of foreplay.

(the guys are playing Mystic Warlords of Ka'a with a quarantined Sheldon)
Sheldon: (plays card) Mountain Elf.
Raj: He takes the elf from off the shelf.
Leonard: (plays card) Hellhounds.
Raj: Hellhounds!
(to the tune of "Who Let The Dogs Out")
Raj: Who let the Satanic dogs out? Who, who, who?
Howard: (plays card) Colossal Serpent.
Raj: (grabs his crotch) I've got a colossal serpent *right here*.
Sheldon: (exasperated) Must you?
Raj: Sorry, I'm just trying to cheer my buddy up.
(plays card)
Raj: Rotting Zombie.
(brief pause)
Raj: Sheldon's new Facebook photo.
Sheldon: Zandor, wizard of the North, ha, I win!
Howard: If you skip the part about being under a two week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease, absolutely.

Leonard: What did your mother say when you told her you were getting married?
Bernadette: He hasn't told her yet; he's waiting for the right time.
Howard: Yeah, I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy.
Priya: Howard, you've got to tell your mother!
Howard: (about Leonard) Hey, have you told your parents you're dating this short glass of skim milk yet?
Priya: Uh, that's different. First of all, we're not engaged. And second, Indian parents are very protective of their children.
Howard: Right, right. Whereas Jewish mothers take a casual la-di-da approach to their sons.

Priya: It's nice of you to show up for Howard
Penny: Howard is my friend
(she giggles)
Priya: Did I miss something?
Penny: Howard Wolowitz is my friend, you know one time he tried to stick his tongue down my throat and I broke his nose?
Priya: That's easier to believe than he's your friend

Bernadette: (about Mrs. Wolowitz) She said I'm a wonderful girl and that you're lucky to have me.
Howard: Where are you going?
Bernadette: (sounding like Mrs. Wolowitz) To the toilet! Is that okay with you!
(she exits)
Howard: (to Raj and Leonard) Is it just me or does she sound sexy when she's angry?

Penny: You picked up your mother? Her own legs are barely able to do that.
Howard: I was filled with adrenaline. It happens to be how women lift cars off of babies.
Penny: Yeah, I'm saying it'd be easier to lift a car.
Howard: What can I tell you? After I found the courage to put her pants back on, I was unstoppable.

Notes and Trivia

The Mystic Warlords of Ka'a card game was created by the art department and appears in a number of episodes: The Justice League Recombination (2010), The Engagement Reaction (2011), The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition (2011), and The Decoupling Fluctuation (2012)).

When Howard is talking to his mother about Bernadette while she is in the washroom, the pictures seen on the wall of Howard as a kid are real pictures of Simon Helberg as a child.

Goofs

None

Cast

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