S07E04 - The Raiders Minimization

No: 139  |  Season: 7   Episode: 4  |  Air Date: 2013-10-10  |  Runtime: mins

Raj: Well, when someone looks at your dating profile, the first thing they see is your picture. I just want to make sure you look fun and full of life and not like a body they just pulled out of the river. All right, here we go, and smile.

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Summary

Sheldon gets mad at Amy for ruining one of his favorite movies, Raj and Stuart try to make their online dating profiles more appealing, and Leonard tries to play the sympathy card with Penny.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Chuck Lorre & Jim Reynolds & Tara Hernandez / Teleplay by: Steven Molaro & Steve Holland & Maria Ferrari

Script

Script: S07E04 - The Raiders Minimization

Quotes

Penny: I thought you went to the comic book store on Wednesdays.
Leonard: Uh, yeah, but Sheldon and Amy were having date night, and they don't need me there to make it awkward. They have each other for that.

Sheldon: (to Leonard) You've spent time with Amy. Can you think of anything she's fond of that has a bunch of flaws she hasn't noticed?

Stuart: Is makeup really necessary?
Raj: When someone looks at your dating profile, the first thing they see is your picture. Just want to make sure you look fun and full of life and not like a body they just pulled out of the river.

Stuart: What did you put for your best feature?
Raj: My parents' money. Uh, what did you put for your best feature?
Stuart: I put not applicable.

Penny: Why are you so angry?
Leonard: Gee, I don't know; maybe it's because I was always the subject of her little experiments. Did you get to the chapter where she staged the Easter egg hunt with no eggs to see how long I'd keep looking?
(Penny shakes her head)
Leonard: The answer, by the way, June!
Penny: Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.
Leonard: I do too, but there's not.
Penny: Really? Are you sure about that?
(she hugs him and kisses his neck)

Amy: Hello, Sheldon, is everything OK?
Sheldon: Yes. Why?
Amy: Well, the last time you made an unscheduled video chat, there was a curly fry in your regular fries, and you thought someone might be trying to slip you a mickey.
Sheldon: April thirteenth. A dark night indeed.

Stuart: That's it. Our dating profiles are live on the internet.
Raj: Attention all shoppers, my business is open for business!

Sheldon: Hang on. You spend time with Amy. Can you think of anything she's fond of that has a bunch of flaws that she hasn't noticed?
Leonard: I gotta go.

Amy: I love "Little House". It made me want to live on a farm so much, I tried to milk my cat. That tangy bowl of Cheerios was not worth the stitches.

Sheldon: (theme from 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' is playing) So, what do you think?
Amy: It was good.
Sheldon: That's it? Good?
Amy: I enjoyed it. When you told me I was going to be "losing my virginity" I didn't think you meant showing me 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' for the first time.
Sheldon: My apologies; I chose my words poorly. I should have said you were about to have your world rocked on my couch. Anyway, thank you for watching it. It's one of my all-time favorites.
Amy: It was very entertaining, despite the glaring story problem.
Sheldon: Story problem? Oh, Amy! What a dewy-eyed moon-calf you are. 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' is the lovechild of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, two of the most gifted filmmakers of our generation. I've watched it thirty-six times, except for the snake scene and the face-melting scene which I can only watch when it's still light out, but. I defy you to find a story problem. Here's my jaw; drop it.
Amy: All right. Indiana Jones plays no role in the outcome of the story. If he weren't in the film, it would turn out exactly the same.
Sheldon: Oh, I see your confusion. You don't understand; Indiana Jones was the one in the hat with the whip.
Amy: No, I do. And if he weren't in the movie the Nazis would have still found the ark, taken it to the island, opened it up, and all died. Just like they did. Let me close that for you.
(gently pushes his chin up to close his mouth)

Stuart: I don't think I've ever felt so rejected. And I-I had a rescue dog who ran back to the pound.

Leonard: So how was school?
Penny: Oh, good. Check it out: 'The Disappointing Child' by Beverly Hofstadter.
Leonard: You bought my mom's book?
Penny: Yeah. It's on the recommended reading list for my psychology class.
Leonard: Aaaw, come on, not that book! I-i-it's got every horrible story from my childhood in it.
Penny: Oh, cool! Are there pictures?
Leonard: Seriously, please find another book.
Penny: Oh, c'mon, why? How bad could it be?
Leonard: There's chapters about the potty-training... bed-wetting... masturbation. Basically, if something came out of me she wrote about it! Y'know what, do whatever you want. Just don't talk to me about it.
Penny: Not even the chapter on the breast-feeding crisis?
Leonard: It was not a crisis. Apparently I favored the left one; she got a little lop-sided.
Penny: Oh my God! You still go left!

Howard: Wow. Sex at work!
Leonard: Hey, leave it alone; that's my girlfriend...
Howard: Sorry.
Leonard: WHO JUST HAD SEX WITH ME AT WORK!
Howard: Damn, how'd you swing that?
Leonard: Well, whenever I talk about how awful my Mom was, Penny will do anything to make me feel better.
Howard: Seriously?
Leonard: I'm not proud of it, but it does work.

Leonard: (entering Penny's apartment) Hey I was just... what is happening?
Penny: (Penny dressed in a nightie) Oh, just a little treat. I know you've been feeling really bad about your Mom lately.
Leonard: Oh, oh, I have. So bad.
Penny: And I wanted to make you to feel better. So I planned something very special for you.
Leonard: I can already feel it working.
(he starts to drop his pants)
Beverly Hofstadter: (Penny turns her laptop around and there is Beverly Hofstadter) Hello, Leonard!
Leonard: (he hurriedly puts his pants back on) Mom?
Beverly Hofstadter: I understand you have been whining about my parenting in order to emotionally manipulate your girlfriend.
Leonard: I, uhhh.
Penny: Bernadette told me everything. Now you don't get the left or the right.
(referring to the running joke about his preference for the left in breast-feeding as a child)
Beverly Hofstadter: (Penny leaves the room) Let's discuss why you continue to involve me in your sex life.
Leonard: Oh please, mommy. No, mommyyyyy.
Beverly Hofstadter: When you were six years old you walked in on me and your father naked. I was swatting his bottom with your brand new ping pong paddle.
Leonard: I didn't dream that?
Beverly Hofstadter: How did that make you feel?
Leonard: Penny, come back! I'm sad for real now.

Sheldon: Amy ruined 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' for me. So, now I'm trying to find something beloved to her and ruin that.
Howard: Because her life wasn't enough?

Bernadette: What is going on with you?
Howard: I'm sharing my pain.
Bernadette: And I'm not buyin' it. Try again.
Howard: I'm learning to be a man in a culture where it's increasingly difficult to know how?
Bernadette: Strike two!

Howard: Wait! Wait! If it wasn't for Indiana Jones, the ark would never have ended up at the warehouse.
Sheldon: That's true. He collected and delivered the ark to the proper authorities for filing.
Raj: Like a hero!
Leonard, Sheldon, Howard: Yeah!
Leonard: Although technically Indy was supposed to take the ark to a museum to be studied; he couldn't even get that done.
Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, Raj: Aw.
Sheldon: Man.

Raj: Oh cool, it tells you when someone's reading your profile. Jenny309, I hope that's not her weight.
Stuart: If it is, I'll take her.

Sheldon: Well. You sit back, relax and enjoy a beloved childhood memory. You see that cabin there? I read they were illegally squatting on Indian land. Well, personally I think what we did to the Native Americans was wrong, but this is your favorite show, not mine. Oh look at little Laura Ingalls eating that peanut butter sandwich. Peanut butter, huh. That's strange since peanut butter wasn't introduced until the early 1900's.
(Amy stops smiling)
Sheldon: If I knew this show was about time travel I would have watched it much sooner.
Amy: (Amy stops the show) You're trying to get back at me for what I said about "Raiders of the Lost Ark".
Sheldon: That's silly. Almost as silly as Dr. Baker having a telephone, since telephones only existed in large cities at the time. It's more like "Little House on the Preposterous".
Amy: Sheldon, we're in a relationship. When you get angry, tell me. You don't need to seek revenge.
Sheldon: Are you sure? Every time my Dad stayed out all night my Mom put hamster poop in his chewing tobacco.
Amy: Well, that's not how we're going to do it.
Sheldon: Well, fine. I'm mad at you. Not only did you ruin "Raiders" for me but you may have ruined the whole franchise, except for the fourth one which was bad before you got your mitts on it.
Amy: I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: You feel better?
Sheldon: Yes. But not as good when I tell you, your precious Garfield has no reason to hate Mondays. He's a cat. He doesn't have a job.

Notes and Trivia

When Amy is telling Sheldon about why Indiana Jones has a 'glaringly obvious' plot flaw, the apartment flag on the fridge is upside down, indicating the apartment is in distress (after Amy tells Sheldon about the plot flaw).

When Raj and Stuart post their internet profiles, the first view on Raj's post is from user "Jenny309". 867-5309/Jenny was a popular hit song in 1982 for Tommy Tutone.

Goofs

None

Cast

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